[Alffe]

I wonder how many of us have too much sensitivity woven into the fabric of our lives and I wonder if it's a disadvantage or if it makes us more aware of our surroundings/peers...more vulnerable...

We always said that this world was too hard a place for our Michael. He couldn't bare to watch Lassie because it made him cry. He wore his feelings on his sleeve and he just wanted everyone to be happy all the time. ~sigh He couldn't stand to see anything hurt...I remember he hatched a cocoon in his bedroom and literally hundreds of preying mantis came flying out while he/we tried to catch them...him hollaring don't hurt them!...

When he joinned the Air Force, right out of H.S. he called us from boot camp (when they would finally let them call home) and he said I don't like it here. No suprises there..we were suprised he wanted to join.

David said in his post that he also was sensitive as a child and I know that I am to this day. How to get thicker skin??? Is that desirable???

But as the writing said...if you pull out one thread, it would change everything.

[Alffe]

We got to see him sing this Friday night in Indianapolis...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0WIJ...D9CAEC&index=0

Thousands of people in the stadium and you could have heard a pin drop.

[FeelinGoofy]

I love Mark Lowry.... right after the Murrah Building bombing in OKC, him, Max Lucado, Sandi Patti, and others i didn't know gave a free "healing" concert for the families of the victims... i got to go and sit close to the front on the floor since my aunt was killed. it was one of the most awesome things i've ever been to.

[mistiis]

...there seems to be a commonality here...I wonder if it is the answer I have been looking for. I have always been very sensitive too. BF is the same way as well. So is my son. His father use to tease him unmercifully for being that way. Because, as the stigma says, males aren't suppose to be... I get so mad about that. If you ask me there is nothing more beautiful than a man who has nurturing qualities.

Ah me....But, you are right Alffe, how to deal with it? I told my pdoc once that I wanted to learn how to set boundaries without building walls. He really couldn't help me much. It takes life experience. Trial, and error. The school of hard knocks. Unfortunately, some of us get knocked out trying to learn. I am so happy that you are talking more about Michael. I would really like to get to know him better. Now if you would just send me a picture for my tree

I hope others will chime in here...this is a good point for discussion.

I think the book "The Invitation" and also "The Places That Scare You" are good for learning how to deal with this. I am sure there are many others.

There is a thread in the BP forum, I think it was started by Bizi, that has a link in it on vulnerability by Mari....it is very good. If I knew how to post it here I would.

I think it is how to remain vulnerable without becoming the prey... but once you have been preyed upon it is harder...but easier to help others who have been there. OK, I am running on....let somone else speak...

BTW (((Alffe))) the only time I ever got a letter from my son was when he was in boot camp. He didn't like it either. He joined the Navy right out of high school.

[Alffe]

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy
you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in
the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was
hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find
it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see
that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is the greater than sorrow," and others say,
"Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your boards, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

[mistiis]

....the first line jumps out at me right now, though I love the whole thing. Thank you for putting it here.

...having the strength to take off the mask, and become vulnerable in the places where love can take root and grow...

Now, the subject of love (((Alffe))) I do find that my pain and sorrow are very deep... but so is my capacity for joy....

"...allowing the sorrows of the world to break my heart over and over, letting the joys make it whole again. " ...out of "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

I find myself doing this a lot lately...I am learning how to do this. I do it a lot here when I read at NT...and in my daily life. However, I find it much easier to deal with others sorrows than to deal with my own. But I am learning. We can't do it alone...and we seem to want to. Surrender, I think, is another key word. OK...running on again.

[Twinkletoes]

Wow, Alffe, this is getting waaaay deeper than I ever go. But along the same lines as your last quote, it brought to mind this LDS scripture:

NEPHI II
CHAPTER 2
11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

I guess what we all seek is BALANCE. But it's the opposition that makes us grow.

I watched a Hallmark movie last night about a man with Tourette's Syndrome, "Front of the Class." When he received the Teacher of the Year award, specifically for first-year teachers, he thanked his parents, etc. for helping him achieve it. But ultimately he thanked his "constant companion", Tourette's, for being his greatest teacher.

I was a pretty sensitive child with very few friends. The change for me came when I finally realized that not everyone was going to like me. And that it was okay, because I was still a good person.

I also think that playing piano helped me immensely. I had many opportunities to shine with very average talent, even though I was young. I won 2nd place in the 3rd grade talent show. The 6th grade teacher had me sight reading the Caissons go rolling along song for the other kids to sing. I played in church from the time I was 11. The kids still either shunned me or picked on me. BUT, at least I had an identity that I could live with.

I guess where I'm going with this (thinking as I type here) is that the more sensitive a person is, that perhaps they have a greater capacity for joy.

But wait, you already said that, Alffe! More eloquently stated by Kahilil Gabran: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy
you can contain."

Not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone but me, but it was a great therapy session, so thanks for listening!

Now I feel like Moi, spilling his guts. But I love Moi and know him better because of it, so I guess it must be okay.

[mistiis]

...beautiful (((Twinks))) ...I am glad you had the support to gain that identity early on. HEHEHEHEHE....we were writing at the same time, and I didn't get to read yours until I posted mine...

I will have to go back to the scriptures I was studying yesterday...there was something there that I thought might be good here....

[Alffe]

Twink, I think you made perfect sense! And you p.c.was a real hoot! ty
Goofy I get goosebumps just thinking about that concert...I'd love to hear Sandi Patti in person.

We're enjoying having my sil here and she loved the icebox cake as did Mr.Alffe...it's their mothers recipe.

Nikki I think I have seen those traps...ty, might try it but I do think we got rid of them for this season. That reminded me of the first Thanksgiving we spent in this old house..32 yrs ago and all the grandparents were coming here for dinner..and a mouse showed up...literally ran up the wall in the living room..Our oldest daughter cupped an empty coolwhip container over him and scooped him up...while the rest of us screamed.
G, we've come a long way...called him our Thanksgiving mouse.

[DMACK]

Alffe thank you for sharing Michael's character with us...it makes his name mean so much more now.

Heightened sensitivity, brings with it much sadness, everything around you can become a 'Lassie' film.

I have been on anti-depressants for over 2 years now and i miss CRYING.....why you might ask?

because tears cleanse...they initiate hormones that help release the stress, tears are a visual clue to others that all is not how it should be. I miss that feeling of shedding tears for the world around me, the trauma in life that pains my vision....is now just pain in my heart
Yet i find this new resolve both frustrating ,and at fleeting moments very soothing.
its not easy when you wear your heart on your sleeve....it is more a kin to having no skin on your hands and being surrounded by searing heat.


but without this trait in my make up-...i certainly would not be me. i would not have been capable of reaching out to people that society would rather ignore. I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO READ PEOPLE as clear as i do now, by read i mean, i feel unknown stories about some people often those who need an ear..to listen to them..or a shoulder to cry on...


I will be truthful and tell you at times i am so tired, and weary, about helping others.....then something happens and I'm the first one in to help...............

It is in me to care................my conscience is enormous and would never allow me to be a bystander............the payback of sadness is very hard, but i cant switch off.


David