[Alffe]

No matter what our circumstances, we can always maintain our ability to give love - to deliberately choose to love people, to be a channel, an instrument, a mirror of greater love, God's love.

Perhaps the most difficult, challenging part of being afflicted - whether that affliction is emotional, physical, or both - isn't maintaining our ability to love others. It is becoming vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to receive love.

Many of us have spent our lives caring for, and giving to, others. We may have prided ourself on our fierce independence and on not needing people, at least not significantly enough to let it show.

Suddenly, we may find ourself helpless as a turtle on its back - needing emotional support, physical presence, someone to hold our hand: maybe needing someone to bathe us, dress us, care for us, or help us go to the bathroom. Even with all our strength, determination, and wisdom, and with God holding our hand, we find ourself needing people, too.

Perhaps that is the hardest, and most important, lesson we have to learn.

A Reason to Live by Melody Beattie

[Junie]

I never before reached out to people but now that I have been forced to, its rejection after rejection and its making me bitter.I guess since I helped so many before now I expected something different! I even once took a harmless street bum home with me because I could not let him die in freezing snow, but everywhere I go for help (including my own family) doors are slammed in my face and all thats happening is making me bitter and cynical?? How do you deal with that??Is it because I am unable to get on my knees while asking??

[Alffe]

(((Junie))) I don't think it has anything to do with getting on your knees.
I think it's a matter of giving with a grateful heart...of being thankful for the things we have...of not expecting anything in return.

I understand being bitter (been there, done that) I understand being hurt (that still happens, it's called life ~sigh~)

What has worked for me...is to redefine what is really important in my life.
Not trying to lecture you deargirl but just wanted to share what has worked for me. Granted, it was a very long time coming!

[DMACK]

I often thought if i did good i would get good back...and its true...

but its what we define as good that is the question.?

If anything we do is done as an investment awaiting a future return for that good deed... it never gets repaid.

If we do A good deed that is not spontaneous, or it is done to massage one's ego or impress others......it never gets repaid

if you go about life aiming to hurt no one, & being decent and respectful of others...it doesn't always come back to you either.

But when your on the floor...screaming for your maker.. to save you or take you...the books balance up [ someone appears, someone phones or someone talks to you when you need it most, things happen to lighten your load]

how many times has a stranger acknowledged you, just at that time your mind is trying to convince you no one gives a XXXX

how many times does a song get played on the radio just when you need to hear it. [or that it allows for the flood gates to open ,,,and to release those tears, that help heal your soul]

WAITING FOR OTHERS TO RESCUE YOU BACK CAN BE A LONG ARDUOUS PROCESS.

Therefore rescue yourself.........................

continue to be kind, considerate and helpful to others..continue to aim higher in what you do for others.... without thanks or praise....................

AND IF WE ALL DO IT,, THE WORLD WILL BECOME A BETTER PLACE


David

[DMACK]

hi Junie


i found a song for you

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie78VtBtwBI

the lyrics are as follows

Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes.
A train arrives but never leaves.
It's a shame.
Oh life like love that walks out of the door.
Of being rich or being poor.
Such a shame.
But it's then, then that faith arrives.
To make you feel at least alive.
And that's why you should keep on aiming high.
Just seek yourself and you will shine

Chorus
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.


In this life long and hard though it may seem
Live it as you'd live a dream.
Aim so high.
Just keep the flame of truth burning bright.
The missing treasure you must find.
Because you and only you alone.
Can build a bridge across the stream.
Weave your spell in life's rich tapestry.
Your passport to a feel supreme.

Chorus.
You've got to search for the hero inside yourself.
Search for the secrets you hide.
Search for the hero inside yourself.
Until you find the key to your life.



David

[Alffe]

Thank you David...a great song! You have been missed around here.

[Junie]

When I helped people along the years I never once thought of it as a scoreboard, afterall I never once expected to need help, but as I have thought back over the years I would be lying if I said I did not wonder why there was no help for me!

I mean I knew the homeless guy could ever repay me and I always thought family were supposed to be there for you in times of need, not that I imagined in my wildest dreams I would need them, and that is why it was such a shock to find that they were unwilling to give me shelter when I needed it!

I have a very strange family, the ones that never did anything for anyone are the ones getting the help, but if you treat a family member with love and respect, you get nothing and that is what makes me bitter!

What I did was because I could and wanted to, because they were family and I can't even count the strangers I have taken in and I never even told anyone when I did a good deed ( unless it backfired and I got robbed more then once) so it was not done for any pats on the back and I expected no metals, and when I played santa for families down on their luck it was with the understanding they never know where the gifts came from so I am not looking for any paybacks, I am just shocked that it turned out that way if you are understanding me at all!

I just have a different understanding of what families are for then they do, there are givers and there are takers, and I for sure am not under the taker side, I have worked hard all my life for anything I got and at times felt guilty that I had what others did not, but I was willing to go out and bust my butt to get it and I don't believe in helping those that are able but too lazy to help themselves, but I was more then willing to share what I had for those that were just down on their luck!


If it is an addict I will feed them or give them a ride but I am not dumb enough to give them money to buy drugs with! Just this past Christmas we had nothing for ourselves because we made sure certain kids would have a good one, and we did not take any credit for it!

I have been taking a stroll down memory lane this past week or so I and it hit me that the only time I saw any family it turned out they had needs and I was so grateful that at the time I thought they were here to see me, and now I know it was with open hands that they come so yes I am feeling bittter and stupid and used and its just the way I feel at this moment and I am trying to be as honest as I know how!

[DMACK]

Junie i admire your honesty its frank..though quite refeshing.

I am the youngest of 9 children

I speak occassionaly to one brother, and phone my mother every week.

i'm 45 years old....left home at 16 years old and unless i phone or visit ...no one calls me or visits.


it took me nearly 25 years to realise....yes im from a big family..............but that does not mean we are close or even have to be.................

whilst i sat there day in day out worrying myself silly that no body cared about me......they were in their own homes living their own lives without care or worry.

I learnt not to waste energy trying to fathom out why i felt abandoned.....

i did not choose to be born into my family...............but i do make the choice if i wish to beat myself up about their behaviour towards me.


now i choose to let it go.


AS for your obvious good deeds......you know what you do...that alone is reward.


As for the homeless guy....he will repay.......if he sorts his life out finds work...settles down...he puts back into the system.......helping all tax payers and indirectly YOU.

As for the children you delight with xmas gifts...........they will learn the art of kindness from a early age..and wil give back to society so much in years to come...........

I KNOW YOUR HURTING ..i hear it in your words.......but bitterness is an emotional cancer that eats away at the human soul.......moment by moment. How you resolve your feelings is down to you.............but letting go of the past and family expectation is a begining.

by the way i do give a xxxx so keep posting

David

[Alffe]

David you have such a way with words! Bitterness is an emotional cancer and I have no room for it in my life anymore.

Forgiveness is another matter! I think I might have mentioned struggling with that one a time or two. Any sage advice on how to move that problem on it's way.

And Junie...I also give a xxxx. *grin

[mistiis]

Dear Junie I have been contemplating how to reply to all of this. Your situation is overwhelming. I come from a large family as welll. And am in the giving mode. It is not always appreciated. And I have suffered many times for it. But i try very hard not to let it bring me down. But this ususally takes a lot of work on myself. I figure that in the long run I will be the one to benefit even from the adversity. Because it will teach me how to be a better, and stronger person. The bitterness is a phase to work through. When you come out the other end, there is a greater peace because you quit giving your personal power over to them. I hope that makes sense. You do have to stand up for yourself. That is a virtue to learn. There is a fine line between doormat, and martyrdom. You are trying to work through a very difficult situation, with extrememly difficult emotions. Please keep coming here and posting, and we can toss it around, and you will learn how to cope in a way that is best for you and will eventually bring you some peace down the road.