Hi Donna:

No problem. Love to do this. I started "reaching out", when my son became so soul-less, so unempathetic (addicted to video gaming to an extreme degree), and nothing we could do would reach him. So I gather because I could not mother my own son, I was determined to be a better person and reach out to anyone who needed a hug, who is depressed or who needs an ear. It's like I'm giving back to the universe what my son has taken from it. It helps me be a better individual.

Let me tell you something really interesting that happened yesterday. I was walking back from breakfast and I noticed there was a young man walking in front of me. I recognized him immediately. I have lived here for 20 years and everyone knows everyone. But this young man, well he has had his share of difficulties. No one actually knew what he was diagnosed with. About 15 years ago (he was about 10 at the time), he had run out of his house screaming. I was walking to the store with my son and we both jumped out of our skins. I said "oh m god, what is happening to this boy?" and my son had said "he's nuts". I said "no he's not nuts, something IS wrong"!!

So he just stood there across the street screaming his head off. We continued to walk because he suddenly stopped and walked back into his house.

Well, many times after that, as I walked down the block (across the street from where this boy lived), he would run out of the house, start screaming and then run back in.

Of course he became the talk of the block because of his behavior. Turns out he had a brother one year older who was perfectly fine.

So the years would pass and many of us would sit on the porches of our neighbors and this kid would pass and people would whisper "you know, he went away for a bit". I once asked "where did he go". and we found out he was in an upstate juvenile facility.

So one day about 8 years ago, he passed, I said "hi, come up on the porch", and he came up. Since we all knew him "just to say hi", he just came up and we said "how is it going?" and he said "not very good, I was upstate and they would have us in lock up, and I couldn't do anything". I said "was it a school?" and he said "yeah, I went to school upstate" I gather he was in a facility for kids with behavioral problems.

So we would see him from time to time and really not know what was up with him.

So......yesterday he was walking ahead of me. I had the opportunity to reach out and I took it. Wow, did I learn things.!!!

I said "hold up, young man, how are you doing?" It was like a flood opened up, he just needed to talk. He said "I am not happy". I said 'why, what's going on?" He said "my boss and co-workers are mean to me?" I said in my mind: "Oh this kid has a job" I said "oh?? where do you work?" and he said "I work for FedCap." Not sure what that is but I think they place people who are on SSI. I said "so why are you unhappy today?" and he responds:

"Well, I just bought 9 lottery tickets for $10 each and there was no winner, I'm going to sue them". I just looked at him and I said "you did WHAT?"

He said "you would think that in 9 tickets for $10 each (the guy was very articulate by the way), you would think I would get ONE winner"

I composed myself and said "let me get this straight, you just spent $90 on lottery tickets all at once?? and he said "oh I do this all the time, I spend my money on lottery tickets"

I said 'you do realize that you are gambling and you can't sue anyone over this, don't you:"

He said "oh, I know it's gambling but I'm bored and I wanted to win but really, 9 tickets and no winner, c'mon, somethings not right here"

I then said "you mean you bought 9 tickets off of a roll of tickets and the guy just pulled 9 tickets ($10 each), and you separated the tickets and you didn't win ANYTHING??"

And he said "that's right, something is crooked and I should have won SOMETHING?"

I said "Well, actually you should not have blown $90 on lottery tickets but that is another discussion entirely, WHY ON EARTH ARE SPENDING ALL YOUR MONEY ON LOTTERY TICKETS?"

He said "Well, no one listens to me, I'm in therapy, I talk about everything but no one helps me, no one listens, my father is an alcoholic and my brother yells at me, EVERYBODY YELLS AT ME" Seems his mother just lives there and does nothing.

So I just listened (we were standing on the corner) and I let him vent. He was very frustrated. I calmly and carefully explained about how gambling is not productive and he can find other ways of spending that $90 and I knew he was not going to listen to me but he seemed to want to talk and have a conversation. I told him to go to his next therapy session and ask the therapist about his gambling and maybe the therapist can help him make better choices.

I then said "If you don't mind my asking, have you ever been evaluated by any psychiatrist or professional?" He's 25 by the way. He was very forthcoming.

He said "oh yes, I have depression and I get bored" I just nodded, patted him on the shoulder and said "Listen hon, all I did was listen to you and let you get out your frustrations". Go and talk to your therapist and see how it goes."

I know there is nothing I can do but listen, and pat him on the shoulder but this is more than anyone in his family is doing.

So that's what I do. If I see a soul that needs comforting ...I comfort.

There are SO man souls like him. So many frustrating young people. I watched the Oprah show the other day with the 10 year old who tried to kill his mother when he was 7. The rages in that kid, oh my!!!!

So sad

Melody

Hi Ms. Melody!This is kiran! I can see your effort to notice this special teenager and I underatand that you are keen to make a difference in his life with your presence. generally kids with autism have intelligence and have their own way of approaching society. The basic point to consider here is winning their trust and I think You did it! i would like to motivate you to have follow up with this teen, his daily activities, school, training programmes etc so as to get to know him better. May be this will help you to reach out for many others with this kind of problems in future and you can be the one to support many in your own possible way! Sincere efforts are always rewarded at some point. All the best!

Hi. Unfortunately I can't do any follow up with this teen because I only see him periodically and the parents do not live here. He resides (mainly) with the grandparents (who don't speak english). The autistic young man (well I don't know how much he knows yet), because he can't communicate with his grandparents (I found this out the other day). I met up with the gandpa and I was saying (in Italian), how impressed I was by his grandson's verbal communication. The grandpa sadly said "yeah, he does speak sometimes but we can't communicate because I don't speak English". The younger man has only uttered some words in English but never in Italian, so what we have here is people living in the same house speaking two different languages and the older people will not learn English. It's too hard they say.

But when the weather gets warmer and everyone hangs out, I will do my best to teach them a few words in English. I've tried before and they get frustrated but I'll use the excuse "But you can communicate with your grandson more easily". This approach might work or it might fall on deaf ears but I'll give it a try.

When there is a language barrier EVERYTHING is much harder.

But I will tell you a funny timely story about something that happened to me yesterday on a city bus I was on.

I got on the bus only to encounter a mom trying to control her 2 year old daughter ( I found out the age of the child AFTER the meltdown).

Well, I have seen tantrums, and I have seen meltdowns but NO ONE on the bus was prepared for this one.

The child was making noises like she was possessed. People were turning this way and that trying to avoid watching but honestly, when she would burst out with screams, we literally jumped out of our seats. I kind of thought "well, she's a baby, she wants her way, she's screaming". Babies do this, I know this, and they say the terrible 2's are the terrible 2's for a reason, right? And since the kid was on the floor BEHIND the seat, we really couldn't see what was transpiring, only hearing the noise. The poor mom never raised her voice, never did anything but say "Mia, que pasa". which I gather is "Mia, what's wrong"?? in spanish (I speak a little spanish and thank god I did).

So the kid starts hurling her head agains the steel frames of the seat in front of her. Now this aroused everyone's attention because we all thought she would split her head open. Never saw such a rage in a two year old before.

So now my stop comes and I and several others get off the bus thinking "well, that's the end of that". We go to the bench where we all sit down waiting for the second bus to arrive. Thank god no one said anything about the child because all of a sudden we hear the gutteral noises and the screams, and we all look to the left and there was the poor mother trying to navigate a stroller, her handbag, and the kid and it was not happening. The kid broke away and the mother left her purse and stroller and ran after the kid.

I said out loud "we have to help this person". I ran over and grabbed her purse telling her what I was doing (in spanish). I grabbed the stroller and I said "Grab her and sit on the bench, we'll help you.

Well, you never saw us moms break into action to help another mom. I had my own push cart that I was holding. Some other mom took MY pushcart, I held the mom's purse and stroller, and the mom held the baby who was going nuts. Another mom ran over to the baby and tried everything to get her to quiet down because we were about to board another bus and unless this kid quieted down it wasn't happening. The poor mom was so sad she looked defeated. That's when I found out the kid was 2 and driving her crazy. I couldn't get any more information (just in case you are thinking "was this kid autistic).

I finally said "my my, what pretty sneakers, look at how they glisten, and all the moms were cooing and trying to be low-key with no excitement. In a short while the kid got so tired of screaming (she must have been doing this on bus after bus because the kid was knocked out from all her meltdown.

So here we were, 4 women, stroller, pushcart, purse, and kid and the second bus pulls up. There were men about the board the bus and I yelled "Back off, we are moms trying to help a mom with baby". The men looked at me and said "Okay lady, no problem". And we all board the bus.

We all took turns holding various stuff and the mom held the baby who was closing her eyes. I whispered very softly "she's asleep" and the mother looked relieved. That did not last because when she went to look at the toddler's face, she woke right up. I said "uh oh", and the mother said "uh oh", too.

So we rode like that for 10 minutes or so. Then the mother looked at me and said "we are getting off at the next stop, what can I do, I can't get off with the stroller, the purse and the kid". I said "don't worry, we'll get off with you, settle you down, and we'll re-board the bus"

Everyone heard me say this and we ALL GOT UP, GOT HER OFF, she buckled the kid in the stroller, we all got back on the bus (thank god the bus driver was a human being, and thank god no one took my seat.

We all sighed and said "holy cow", because we knew that mom had a hard road ahead.

But we moms stood together and helped another mom.

That's what it's all about.

And I have to tell you what happened exactly one minute after that mother got off and another mom of another 2 year old got on.

We had just gotten done with helping a mom with a screaming toddler and now a quiet sweet toddler boards the bus, sits next to her mom and starts waving at all of us and says 'hi". We all looked and you should have seen all of us moms. From one extreme to the other, this little adorable baby girl was determined to say hi to everyone on the bus, even the bus driver. She just waved and we all waved back and said hi, and we all burst out laughing. I asked the mother "is she always like this?" and the mother said "yeah, she's something special" We all smiled and said "you have no idea HOW special"

Sorry for such a long post but I had to share what happened yesterday.

Melody

Hi MS.Melody! I agree with you that it is unfortunate not to be able to communicate with this young man. But I can c u reaching out for people in need every day. It is a rare quality that can be seen in this busy world. I am sure persons like you have an ability to sense others requirement. You are empathetic I mean.I am glad to meet you here. Its becoz , may be bcoz our thinking match! Nice meeting u! I am a mom of 13 year old child, who is a known asthmatic. Thats how I came to know about this help group. Good day!

Well, hi there yourself. Under your location it says KSA, is this Kansas? I probably sound stupid but I'm trying to figure out what KSA means.

Hope you are having a nice day and that your daughter is breathing well today.

Melody

Hi Ms. Melody! I am currently working in Kingdom of Saudia. I am an Indian. I felt so happy to c ur reply this morning. hav a gud day! My daughter is fine now. Take care! Let ur light be shining for many today !