Hello,

I'm 21 years old and I need a help.

Since I borned, I know that I have some problem. I don't know if this is natural or if I developped it in my childhood.

One time, my father read my journal and he wrote 6 pages of advice, because I was under 10 years old and I felt strange. He wrote if I were a good girl, everything would be all right.

My mother says I have no problems (yes, I asked her).

My ex boyfriend (a guy I met in a chat and I saw him once in a lifetime, but I think we had an affectionate connection for a year) thought I should have something kind of attention deficit.

As a child, I knew that a psychologist could help me, but I was afraid of what he would tell my parents.

Until I was six years, I lived directly with my grandmother. After her death, I stayed until 11/12 years locked alone at home, most of the time. Because I did not understand myself with my cousins and I was forbidden to interact with my neighbors. The children of the school did not live near us, our contact was limited to inside the school.

I read a text of Somer Bishop (she did not answer my email) about autism in the smarts girls. I identified myself with a few excerpts, such as creating patterns of interaction, wanting to be a boy and having greater ease of interaction with them.

I go to school from 3 years old. The I recall, I asked my parents because I did not like my brother to be learning to read and to add, and I not. The big part of my memories are so confused in dates, but I remember of somes events.

Last year I was able to go on psychology, but I stopped going during a crisis. I remembered a question she asked me when I read this text. I usually need a clear reason for friends' meetings. Whether it's watching a movie, or having a barbecue. It's like I don't know how to maintain a close friendship for long, without having goals of what to do in spaced-out reunion events. I usually need common subject information to pull conversation with someone, I'd say I'm used to analyzing humans.

I once thought I might be autistic, but I also saw similarities of symptoms of depression and anxiety. My psychologist never told me what I have.

But I'm sure I've got something wrong, I've been reflecting my whole life on this. I would like to seek medical experts, but I do not know how to do it without my parents knowing.

I know it's not a teenage crisis. If you want, I can list all the things I've already compared to "normal", and I know they are not.

I would like to know what you could report about this mild autism in girls.

Thank you