Mili,
I wish I had you closer to help ME with my boys IEP's. I like how you wrote it all down.. I know ahead when the boys are coming up and try to prepare for them and think ahead about what needs to be done and said... Then the day comes and I sit there and hear what they say and it all just goes over and its not til its all said and done and I leave (days later usually) that I THINK of things I SHOULD have said or done DURING the IEP.. OR things THEY SAID that upset me. I always seem that they never go the way I want them to go. My brain just doesnt work the way I wish it could. The more I see my boys struggle and go thru the more I see I struggle with. I usually feel like Im alone in a cage of lions. I'll have to see if I can try to type it out like you did.. tho usually I dont think of things like you do.

I hope and pray your meeting goes as well as your notes did and you get him the help he needs and things turn around for the BETTER.

I dont even know if I worded this right the way I wanted to Its also past my bedtime..

HUGS
Gina Marie

Hi, ((((((Gina))))))

Just a 'little' idea -- I use this when I go to the doctor's office. You know that feeling that you always have at the doctor's office -- that you have no control, that there's no time, that you didn't get to talk about what YOU want to talk about. This is what I do and it might just work in your situation with the school: come up with a bulleted list -- enough copies for everybody. Keep it brief. Present one copy to everyone and say "this is what I'd like to address during this meeting to make sure that all my questions are answered." This gives YOU control over the format of the meeting and over pretty much what will be discussed.

When it's YOU against the school, you always get that feeling that you're small and insignificant -- when you're really not. Sometimes, controlling the contents of the meeting helps you feel more powerful.

You can do a real short list for everyone else, like so:

• point one
• point two
• point three

and then do an expanded list with your own notes for your copy.

Good luck. And HUGS.

Barb

The IEP went well, but I've had a lump in my throat since it's been over. Either PMS, stress, or both. I wasn't going to post, but you all have been so there for me. I couldn't not post.

No one denied what I said, Barb your advice was dynamite and I should have done that...I got a teeny bit of time to talk at the end...but since they had an agenda (how do they have an agenda for an IEP I called? Know what I mean?) they did cover most of what I'd planned to. As I spoke at the end, people wrote furiously...I plan to write a 'thank you' letter that expresses all the impressions I got from the meeting, like "so we agree his math skills currently are a bit less than in second grade per his IEP...and we agreed in a 20 min observation he was able to attend 5 of it.

I recorded the IEP, so that will be sooo much easier now.

Gina, follow Barb's advice....and remember I've been to IEP's for two kids. And it started with Vince 6 years ago. No one was more surprised than me, when I read his IEP last night and actually understood it. Took 6 years, so that was a first.

The hugs issue will be handled by his therapist, who I really love, he is such a 'guy' but so professional. He is going to create a process that gradually weans him off hugs, but while doing so replaces the needs the hugs fill. I told the team I didn't agree with it, I think men should hug, hold hands, kiss hello like women...but would go along with it cause I realize we live in a totally repressed society that pays cable stations to see that kind of action. Yeesh. I hoped they'd work with the uncomfortable staff being as they expect Vince to understand it should work both ways.

The therapist said the funniest thing today after the IEP. He reminded Vince that it was his turn to pick an activity and he was going to choose the arboretum...so Vince was like "I'm not going there I want to go fishing"....well eventually the therapist was like "well you're going dude" and Vince is like 'you can't take me, you can't take me down' and the therapist said "I may be wearing an argile sweater but I work out at the gym two times a week, let's go, I'll take you down, come on" And Vince who would usually dive at the chance was like a stone man typing on the puter...it was all I could do not to laugh my brains out. Mr. "I'm gonna take you dooooooown" duped by and oooold man of 30. HEe hee.

I took extra sleeping pill so if I post weird it's that, not drunk. Geez, I wish. Cripe I heard a Hendrix song come on when I was cleaning in the kitchen and it was all I could do not to roll some oregano in a post-it, light it an hope for the best.

So, I'm not quite me (after IEP stress) but want to at least post below a letter I wrote to his consultant. There was a slight problem after the IEP, things got 'ugly'. I'm guessing it's fixed now. But, I'm not sure. Think of the below as written by an adult on the spectrum (which I am).

Thank you again so much, for doing the conference call. I can't wait to see the papers you'll be sending (Ongoing Appraisal). I thought the IEP was ok, but, I called it to express my concerns, and was frustrated I got only the last 5 minutes to do that, especially after typing sort of an outline for myself of the things important to me to say. The good thing was, regardless of that frustration, the 'chaotic mind' topic and ongoing appraisal idea (I think) is about the most pivotal thing that could benefit Vince at school right now.

After the IEP, things got a little ugly.

I was trying to observe Vincent, when I was twice asked to come and talk about observing Vincent, and guidelines we will have to discuss, and so on...the reasons I couldn't observe him changed many times. First cause the aide was not comfortable - I said fine have staff with me. Then it was an issue of the privacy of other students being violated - I said fine he has so much 1:1 time I'll come only then. Then it was "well another student might enter the room" so I said regular moms in my neighborhood volunteer and TEACH my daughter the extra things she has in her day from her IEP...privacy don't seem to be an issue then and neither does a teaching certificate. I stressed I wasn't trying to spy or be a problem, that not to be picky but his IEP does state I should get a video tape of him achieving IEP goals every quarter ever since the beginning of 2005, and I've never gotten even one, so I have to observe.

So, the Principal got involved. She and I have a very bad past report. She closes me in a room (my back was to the door so I knew it after the fact) with her and another staff member and wants to flex with me (she refused to let me observe Vince for 2 years...first and second grade...I didn't know I was allowed to by law so I obeyed). Well Amy, I have to thank you so much, as well as the lady you gave my email to, I think it was April? Who gave me a paper written by an adult aspie, about aversion, and avoiding situations that are stressful...Amy, ordinarily, when boxed in like that I get loud and argue my point, and everyone gets me on so many topics and so far off track it's a disaster that I always wind up the villian in. It's like I don't realize I can leave, I just get all overwhelmed in every way in my head. This time I headed for the door, clearly and at a regular tone said "Move away from that door" and everything got black except the door and I left. I 'FELT' a bad scene about to happen. I have no idea why, guess I had a 'dynamic system' window. I still feel very shakey like I just got in a huge car accident or something like that, and this was close to 12 hours ago. I'm trying to block it out, cause my ongoing appraisal seems to be on the fritz, ya know? I went back later that day and had no problem observing.

It's hard to explain, but there's been so much emotion on the topic of Vince and autism and school and home too...well I'm sort of on the verge of tears, I don't know what's up with that cause I'm not sad per say. So, I'm going to have tomorrow be a priority of destressing, do nonautism things (that's a nice way of saying clean the house really good, hee hee). On Thursday, I'll be back on the ball, cause I want to thoroughly read some papers you posted on your RDI site.

Thank you,
Very much,
Lisa

This is confusing being on braintalk and neurotalk. Cant we just pick a board instead of this devided thing.

Mili I think you did great choosing to walk away when you felt being on the verge of a scene. I have heard you describe so many scenes over the years. One that springs to mind was one with the police in a store once. Anyway I think you did well. They have no right to try and intimidate you. Hope your destressing day works.

Take Care

Peta

P.S.
read my gossip thread. there is like a live drama happening in my town and I think I am sort of going to be responsible for blowing the lid on it all.

I watched Dr Phil on the David letterman show last night and thought of you all. Weird huh! I guess its cause they are both Americans maybe. Man they are not at all on the same page, completely different kinds of people. Ok I am rambling now. byeeeeeeeee

((((((Mili)))))),

Yeah, stay away from the oregano




Barb

Peta, you are in fact the 'winner' of our forever word war, by saying you saw gross icky Dr. Phil and thought of ME!!!

Worst of it is, I don't even think you meant it 'that' way. So I bow to your greatness, you have finally thrust the killing blow into me. After our years of 'possum grubbing' and Mel and the whole Ellie May Clampet thing, you have reigned supreme.

Ya twisted twat.

Lara and Moose, I didn't even know what you guys were talking about, about the oregano...I had to reread my own post, hee hee.

The bit to 'Amy'...that is the RDI consultant.

Other than getting lost in the Wright's Law site for about 2 hours and other than keeping Vince from falling into the abyss cause he was unable to 'recover' from thinking he was going to someone's house, when they never even invited him...it was an autism free day.

Oregano free too

I'll have to spend the next 4 days (kids are off school thru/fri) constructing a follow up letter to the IEP.

Mili

Dr Phil is fabulous Mili (apart from his annoying blink - which I have noted seems to be less these days) He says it like it is, fixes everything up, and tells cheating husbands how to get right. I love watching these amazing women with extraordinary amounts of money talk about their shopping addictions. Best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, hows it working for you? y'think? all those snappy one liners. Identifying selfish behaviour and bringing his brand of conservative comon sence is refreshing in the modern world.

Although I see his new thing yet to be televised here is Dr Phil house in which he puts a white supremist and black woman together as roomies to see how the sparks fly. I mean, melt away prejudice. Dr Phil will do an intervention with your teen and get him off drugs and then pay for your holiday and home make over. All with the glamerous and sexy Robyn on his arm. Robyn doesnt actually seem to do very much apart from fuss over her boys and beam at her hubby. But at least she knows that in a room full of people there isnt a woman there treated better than she is at home. She has written her own book now like hubby and son have. Jay got married in August. I must go out and get Robyn's book. Dr Phils book will make you lose weight and have a phenomenal family. Although I heard he had to pay 10 million out to people who did what he said and they didnt lose weight. Now thats a bit odd.

Okay well I am off to watch todays Dr Phil show and beg you all to keep it coming. He is one of your wonderfull exports. Just like Steve Irwin was an Aussie Hero. Your fabulous Dr Phil is an American Hero.

How how how Milivica/Lisa, can you not love Dr Phil? I am flabberghasted.

Hey Lara,
Well my post was a little tongue in cheek (which is such a weird expression). But I actually do like him and 90% of his advice. But I am not so silly as to realise that the advice that backfires, or situations that leave the man looking less that capable are sure to be editted out.

I havent bought any of his books though so I only contribute to his empire by watching his show.

Whats happening in Oz Lara. In NZ things are getting crazy. We are seeing less and less choice, less freedom of choice and rights being removed left right and centre. Parliament is set to remove the right to smack a child at the end of this month if it is not defeated. And while the spanking debate can go on and on forever I am just concerned at the state getting involved in parenting and criminalizing regular people. Next thing that was floated yesterday was the commisioner for children announcing he wants to set up a register and gather information on all children from birth to adulthood to intercept abuse early. Sounds laudable. but it means that EVERY family will have a government social worker that you have to prove you are a good parent too. The document that was tabled was 4 pages long and not ONCE mentioned parents. It talked of government, communities and children. But not once mentioned the roles and rights of parents. We have also seen midwives have their scope of practice reduced. Or it is about to. The college of midwives fought and fought making 60 submissions against the new rules. The govt have opted to take on board 12 of the least important. The consultation process was a farce and lip service paid. It means that women will have less choice and less ability to avoid a medicalised labour. We will see our 35% caesarean rate sky rocket. No one seems to think it is wrong or bizzare that within a decade or so 40 to 50% of our children will be born via the abdomen. The majority of these deliveries will not have a medical reason for occuring.

It is illegal to home school in Germany. I can imagine it may well become so here. And I am saddened by our slow loss of freedoms.

Meanwhile our youth, who have few boundries are out of control. Angry young men are comitting the worst crimes randomly like never before. A 16 year old killed a 14 year old kid a few days ago. On school ground. They never knew each other, it was totally random.

I saw on the news the story of the boys in OZ that captured on film the tormenting and attack on the special needs girl and then sold it as a DVD. I was horrified. Is the same stuff happening over there?

All very depressing.

Mili,did you call this IEP? If you did you speak first presenting your concerns, get their answers and then you ask for the right to call another one to clarify their answers, at all the times you have the rights to make suggestions, presented in writing and get an answer in writing and call another IEP and so forth. I think, you should be nervous, they supposed to work FOR YOU. If Vince does not benefit from their program, it is not expected Vince to adapt but the program to be modified to cover his needs.

I didn't read all the replies. At all events never mind me, with all my coolesness and smarts I lost anyway.

OooH! Supermama, quickly, I read your post. My Gosh! Canada, US, etc all have similar problems. Uncle Phil is coocko 60%

Mili,I read quickly Autmoose2 about little Mike, that is the technique used in the old times and some old caregivers used to use, even with the adults, that was obliterated with the push for them to "normalize" at their "command" or be sedated if non-compliant.

AND, as Keg said "for the safety of the autistic and staff", so they were told to follow protocol or they were out. Now they are guarded by totally untrained people, sedated 16 to 20 hours a day and the government told they are doing "great", when inspected they get more staff, extra clean the premises, don't give so much drugs and taken out.