I guess it is basically like in math. You first have to write 10 page proof of a theorem, but then you can PRETEND that you don't have to figure it out by simply quoting a theorem on such and such page. So that is the trick I am trying to do with myself. I know I can't help the need to figure everything out. So my only hope is to prove a theorem how I don't have to. And of course the proof of that theorem should be equal in length to my otherwise long attempts to figure thigns out -- thats what it takes for it to be a "substitute".

I have to be honest. Before my last relationship started I already knew that my obsessiveness is the number one issue. So the way I decided to solve the problem was by simply shifting my attention on school. After all, my academic problems in ph.d. thesis are partly due to having spent enormous amounts of energy on relationship issues. So, shifting attention to school will solve both academic AND social problem and thus will make it into win/win situation.

What I have found out is that it is true taht, while things are going smooth, I can focus on school and make it to the point that Erin was the one obsessing about lack of my attention. So taht was great. In fact, things went perfectly for few months straight, which is a huge success story.

However, it didn't change the fact that the first time Erin finally did bring up something, no matter how minor, where I weren't able to get her to acknowledge the way I proved my case, it lead me to obsess about her all anew. Furthermore, sure, while she was chasing me around for few months I was THINKING that I didn't obsess about her and was only worried about school. But the day where she started calling me a little bit less, once again my attention has fully shifted on her.

So, I guess may be the switching of focus is not an answer. May be the answer is to try to refute the beliefs that were driving me, and then once I don't have these beliefs, I won't be acting upon them, wherever my focus might be.