ehem...

I was going to say How about four things you do only when you're sure no one is looking, or you're alone...or are drunk enough not to care

Like, when I'm vacuuming, if I feel a bugar I just pick it and flick it and suck it up...only crusties of course, not soft ones *ack

But now I'm thinking someone that can creat a more interesting questionerre about our spouses - or any person such as a live in relative or whatnot, would be funner than exposing ourselves.

Not that I have anything left to expose after all the stuff I've said over all these years.

Maybe someone could start with a story about their spouse, and if it's not shocking enough, the next poster and 'up' it with their own.

Ok, me first...dh had just started living with me. You all know I call him OCD man, right? Well, he got up in the middle of the night to pee. Fine. Not a drop on the seat as always and seat put down as always...super. So now is the time he reaches for the soap, to wash off mr. winky. Yes. We must bathe mr. winky (his wiene) after each and every pee. And must only go in a toilet - never a bush despite being a trucker on the road...and yes, he's had 2 accidents, uh huh. So, he get's it cleaned off and dried, and shuts off the light and gets in bed. That morning, I step out of bed....splash! My apartment is flooded several inches. I'm mystified...there's a basement below me, is it flooded too? I hear the neighbors in the hall freaking and complaining...it's the entire first floor. I head to the front door to open it...and to my left, see the bathroom sink still on from the wienie wash the night before.

OMG

They're gonna find out it's me, and everything is wet cause of me. They already hate me since a dog tore my leg up and I sent the owner the bill. She was the martyr, etc etc (boy, she had great social skills). So, I quick threw our comforters on the floor to the doorway to make the water go away. When I opened the door, the water came in instead of flowing out and I just was like, "wow, what happened here?"

He's done the same thing 3 times since.


TOP THAT...stuff your spouse does that is like, I dunno what to even call that, I guess stuff your spouse does that make you wonder if he'd gotten a lobotomy no one told you about or something.

OMG!! THAT was just a bit TMI!! Eeeewww!!!!!


LIZARD, grossed out!

Oops sorry bout the TMI....funny I knew what that meant! I actually hear that a lot, all the time.

Granola Lib,
Nope...gotta be a touch of soap and water.

He licks his q-tips too before using them. But he doesn't beat me or the kids, or have affairs But still, why would anyone wet a q-tip, it's make your ear feel wet.

Yech, I've got a q-tip licker at my house too! Grosses me out!

OK, lobotomy-related stuff - I just dished out a big pile of money to my appliance repair guy cause our dryer kept turning itself off midcycle. Turns out that DH had left a weedwacker string (the heavy duty kind that looks like a plastic Twizzler licorice) in his yard duty pants and the string ended up wrapping around one of the drum cables for the dryer. Dryer would get jammed up, stop working, cool off, cable would be ok, and I could turn dryer back on. AUGH!!!! Now I have to do "pants pat down" for every item that ends up in the clothes basket ! I don't mind the well-washed dollar bills that I find in the dryer, but the pens, combs, lighters, screw heads for his power screwdriver, the lag bolts (really bunged up the washer drum), and assorted other crap drive me crazy!

Kim

I have been trying to come up with something stupid my dh has done, which should be really easy. I even asked him to help me, but he is stumped. I feel like I have told you guys every stupid thing he has done, like when he installed the airconditioning one very hot day and turned up the thermostat. Or the day he bought us a new screen door and tilted it against the cab of his truck to bring it home (and not tie it down) so when he got onto the highway it went flying.
But those are old antics.
Anyway... we are both working hard to remember something really spectacularly stupid that he has done more recent. Give us some time.

Woah! I didn't know about the fridge. That's scarey!

Dh wanted a ping pong table so stinkin bad, I wanted to get him one but you know, $$$. So, I saw one someone was throwing out, it was so heavy I had to get strangers to help putting it on my old van top. I didn't have far to drive, went only 20 mph or so I guess, it wasn't tied down cause the people that put it on top of my van said it was so heavy I didn't need to tie it. Well, a huge semi wooshed past me, and the thing blew through the air like a rooftop in a tornado. I was and am still freaked thinking about it, thank God no one was behind me or walking where it landed.

Scarey!

OK, DH and I went to the hardware store to buy some sheetrock. We planned ahead, had a blanket to protect the roof of the van, bungie cords to hold everything down, etc. He stacked the sheets, corded everything down tight, and we started to drive home. One of the bungies failed about a mile down the road, the cord sprang back and broke both the left and right rear windows in the van, and then the sheetrock went sailing behind us, crashing on the road. We both thought we'd been shot! Looked at each other, looked in the back of the van (full of glass), and then looked onto the road behind us, hoping that no one had been driving close to us. Phew....no crashed car behind us, just powdered sheetrock! Needless to say, we now only carry sheetrock inside our bigger van (or have it delivered).

Every day, dh takes a shower before he'll go to bed...

...then takes a shower immediately upon waking.