I saw her last week. She is approching her third of 4 chemo treatment which will be followed by radiation.
I can't beleive how good she looked. I mean she looked better than before, better than when I first met her almost 20 years ago. She is an attractive person to begin with, but .. the chemo caused her too loose some stubborn weight, she is glowing. Her hair is gone but she got herself a wig that looks stunning. The hair color is more natural then her old color, and since it gets styled every few weeks it is easy to maintain and always looks super.
go figure... bc agreeing with someone.
Oh, and she has had a very postive outlook despite the lack of support in her family...

I am glad to here she is doing so well I will keep her in my prayers.

Keggy,

I am glad to hear that she is doing so well. Thank you for the update.

It does stink that her family is not supportive, but from my own experience with my husbands cancer I discovered that often family members end up frozen in fear and denial and they become useless to the cancer patient.

We got the most support from the chemo nurses and the chemo-center staff and our neighbors. Those were the people who saw us everyday.

Life long friends disappeared... neighbors who had been strangers became the best of friends - because the neighbors were the ones who were right there, seeing us daily, seeing what we needed and didn't need, helping me carry our groceries to the 3rd floor, helping to walk the dog, helping the ambulance crew carry my husband down 3 flights of stairs to the ambulance.

Before cancer, we barely even knew these neighbors. We knew their names and we would wave hello, but that was it. Now they are good friends, the type of friends that we will have for the rest of our lives.

Sorry to babble...

I am glad that your friend is doing well through chemo, and I hope she has continued success until the day she hears the magical words -- Full Remission

Take care,
Liz

So... I get a note in the mail from her daughter. It is inviting me to a surprise party for my friend, her birthday is in a few weeks. SO I call her up and she tells me she invited about 40 people. I note that my invite onlly has my name and wonder if that is 40 people with spouses, dates or children.
Not that 40 isn't already too many.
I tell her daughter that this party is just a few days after her last chemo, and that she will be really sick. Not to mention she will have no immune system. I tell her that the doctor said not to be having company over during this time, and that we already had a heated disagreement because she had been allowing her kids to have sleep overs and parties during this time.
THe doctor said if she had the slightest notion that she was ill too call right away... get on antibiotics because she will have literally no immune system to fight it.
So... they are having a surprise party for her in the middle of December (where it will be cold and flu swing with colds and flu) 40 + people invited to her house.... her small house.
I gave the daughter the doctors name and number and asked her to speak with her.

Keggy,

Thank goodness YOU realize the dangers of having a chemo patient exposed to so many people...

Did I read your post right? The suprise party is at the patients house?

One of the most important things for chemo patients is the ability to retreat and go home anytime they feel ill, tired, etc... Having a large gathering at home takes away the persons ability to retreat to a quiet place to relax, sleep, etc...

This is such a bad idea on sooo many levels - but I'm glad that you recognize that and that you are trying to get her family to realize that.

IF for some reason they insist on going through with the party, you should work with the doctor and ask the doctor if he/she would be willing to supply you with a big box of infection-control items. Masks, gowns, head coverings, shoe covers, gloves, etc... a giant bottle of Purell, along with a container of Sani-Wipes so that the guests can sanitize their pocket books and anything else that might have a germ on it.

And then you should stand at their front door and make every guest put the infection control outfit on after they use Purell sanitizer on their hands and the sani-wipes on their personal items (purse, gifts, anything that the patient might touch or go near or anything that might transfer a germ to the home).

It sounds extreme, but when the patient has no immune system (or even a lowered immune system) a simple cold could kill them... and if her family is a bunch of idiots that don't realize the dangers, at least her good friend (YOU) can help her to avoid getting ill.

I hope your friend realizes how blessed and lucky she is to have you as a friend and to have someone in her life who cares so much about her.

Liz

I just had another idea...

I have had a lot of contact with the Lance Armstrong foundation. They help people with cancer.

Every single time I have called them or emailed them I have gotten a reply within 24 hours...

Maybe you could call or email LAF and explain the situation to them - they would probably be willing to contact the person planning this party (and/or the chemo patient) to explain the dangers of having this party.

Having someone official from a national foundation call them might be very powerful - and might just help them to change their minds about this party.

To contact the LAF go to www.livestrong.org

It appears I am just a pain in the **** trying to ruin her party. Her daughter contacted "one of the nurses" my friend works with, and she saw no problem with this party. My problem with this is that this nurse is not responsible for this woman, and may not even be a nurse... you ever notice how people refer to themselves with titles they do not own? I work in a hospital where people do that allllllll the time.

So, what am I supposed to do?

I did put another call in to the doctor as I was typing this... not that it is an answer... they give you the whole HIPPA response, but I asked for general info... such as "is it a bad idea to have a huge surprise party for someone in their house right after their 4th chemo"
yech..

Oh yes, the people who call them selves "nurses" when in fact they are medical assistants, or CNA's or receptionists. I have seen it happen countless times when medical office workers assume that because they have to wear scrubs at work it means they are a "nurse".

When I was doing my internship at the hospital I was working in the phlebotomy lab for the phlebotomy section of my internship... and more than 75% of the patients assumed that I was a nurse because I was in a hospital and wearing scrubs. I must have said "No I'm a phlebotomy student" about 1000 times in a week.

I found some websites that all discuss chemo and the immune system and the dangers - maybe that will help this family?

http://www.thebreastcaresite.com/EEn...9?OpenDocument

http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resou...idinginfection

http://www.stjude.org/disease-summar...3_7507,00.html

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/co...p?sitearea=MBC

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/co...p?sitearea=MBC

They had the party last nite. My family and I went. There were a lot of people packed in a very small area. Her daughter was a bit stubborn about having anyone help out, and obviously has never thrown a party for adults. Nothing to drink for the first hour. I was passing out water and telling people to hold on to their cups because it would be the only one they got (they had like 30 plastic cups)
Two other adults and I sort of took over, because the daughters were doing nothing for all the guests. One of the women brought over some little hot dog weiners and taco dip and chips, and that was all there was to eat.
When my friend arrived... I felt so bad. She has a very bad cold and was totally wiped out. She had stayed home from work the day before and that day as well, but went into work for a few hours for the christmas party. Since she was leaving that early someone made her go to toys r us for a few hours... so she was wiped out.
After the first hour the person showed up with the soda, both bottles
Someone went out and bought soda and ice, but unfortunalty no cups. The daughter made a cake, a small 9 inch cake.
My friend got lots of lovely gifts and love. The guests were all concerned about her health and her having this party. The two other women who worked the party with me cleaned up with me and we left her hopefully with little to do... cause her daughters were still doing nothing.
I didn't call her today because I hope she is resting.
A friend of ours died last week. She was battling cancer and was doing well, but she got an infection and died suddenly. Its a little close to home putting my friend in such danger (you know?) I would think that when the daughters heard about this woman dying, they may have stopped for a second and called the doctor like I asked them to do... but they never did.
Whoever the "nurse" was, she didn't appear to be at the party... makes you wonder.