Firstly I hope that BT doesn't go down in smoke, so much info & history there!!!!

Now about me, LOL! And the thing is this is about Coley...but I'm SO hurt and having a hard time.

Today was open house at his camp, tomorrow is the last day. I was actually going to blow it off, but yesterday he asked if I was coming up, and he wanted Daddy to also. Well DH has an all day meeting today so couldn't get away from work, I just needed a sitter for Audrey. So last night I checked with MIL, and she was available...

So I asked him which class(es) he wanted me to visit...he chose his last class, Board games. Well that makes it easy too, I just get up there a little early and I can take him home after...

So I get up there and it was right when the classes were changing over, so the staff directed me to the caf where the kids gather & wait for their teachers to 'collect' them for their next class...I walk in and spot the back of his head across the crowded, noisy & chaotic cafeteria. I go over tap him on the shoulder, he turns around, his face lights up and he says "mommy!"... So I sit beside him and he turns to continue his little game he was playing with his friend Jacob who he met in his K class.

Just then Jacob yells "Coley, I told you to stop touching that, what are you deaf!?"

Yup Jacob, I ask myself that same question atleast a half dozen times each day. So I say, softly, but outloud, "Coley, that's Jacobs, if he doesn't want you to touch it, you shouldn't."

Just then he takes off and hides under a table. I go over to talk to him and he refuses to come out. And now the kids are starting to notice. Probably 5 kids are trying to talk him out. And then his board games teacher comes over and says "Oh there you are Coley, let's get ready for class." Coley starts with "I'M NOT GOING! I'M GOING HOME!"

So I tell him that we can't go home just yet, we can leave a little early if he'd like, but we have to go to baord games first. Which was a total lie, I could have walke out with him, but didn't think that would be a good idea...ya know, reinforce the whole idea that you can run away from your problems, literally.

So, there was a lot of discussion and eventually the teacher had to leave with his class, and Coley was hiding behind a pillar and refusing to budge. I told him I was going to class, I'd see him thee and I left the caf. I stood outside the doors and I could here the couselors trying to get him to go...he's now the last kid in the caf and there are all sorts of teachers, admin & couselors working on this...

So I walk back in...I remind him that he asked me to come up there, that I got Mamo to sit for Audrey etc. I told him that if he didn't want me to visit his class that I could go back home and let Mamo leave and then come back up later to get him. That didn't do much...again, he made his decision and there was virtually NOTHING that was going to change it.

At this point all the staff walks away once they see I'm there...great! Like I can actually work this out better than them, I'm conviced at this point that it's all BECAUSE of me. Perhaps with a little help from Jacob, but this has happened so many times now that I am sure that if it wasn't Jacob, and it wasn't then, that it just would have been something else.

Why do I even try to do things like this?! It always turns out like this, ALWAYS! Why?!

Sure I'm embarrassed but not nearly as sad...how come I can't just go and have a nice time, why can't he?

And it got even worse, I finally got him to his class, but then he refused to come in, the teacher then talked to him out in the hall, then ended up taking a walk, while I sat there almost near tears while I watched all the other parents playing board games with their kids, wondering, WHY!?

Eventually they came back in, but they sat under a table while the teacher brought a game out for him that he liked to play...and, typical, it wasn't the 'correct' way to play "connect 4" rather they play toss the chips into the pan...WTF!

So I went over to talk to him...asked him if he'd like to play a game with me...NOPE!

SO I go for a walk myself...when I come back in he's no longer under the table he was playing that game with the teacher ON the table. So I walk over & he tells me "it takes a little time sometimes for him to warm up" ...every day? I asked...no, but in the beginning. OK, that's in line with history, but why today...for my benefit? He didn't know.

So he asked Coley to tell me the 'rules' of their game, Coley didn't speak. So I told them it kinda looked like Tiddly Winks, and we started talking about that, with 5 minutes to the end of class we were playing Tiddly Winks with the connect 4 pieces.

And I still just want to cry!

And oh yeah...I do know that there is somehting here going on with Coley, but right now I don't care...I spend all my days sorting through stuff for him, and for just one time I would like one of these moments to be enjopyable for ME!

Is that to f'n much?