NeuroTalk Support Groups - feeling abandoned

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- - feeling abandoned (https://www.neurotalk.org/bipolar-disorder/105813-feeling-abandoned.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi (Post 579203)

maintaining friendships takes some work...anyway to talk about how you feel to him?

i can talk to him about ANYTHING. he and i are really close friends... have been for decades.

it isn't this single event anything that occurs with him specifically that is the issue. the problem is with me. and it happens with many people, many situations. like when my therapist goes on holiday. so yeah, i could talk to him about MY problem but he can't make it go away.

the interaction would have to have gone exactly the same way as it did. he can't be catering to my fear of abandonment - that would be bad - for both of us. he did not blow me off, he was not unkind... nothing like that. there was nothing he could have reasonably done differently, in consideration of his situation and mine. i wasn't in an unusual situation. when i am, i can speak up. and he is someone i can count on. i can guarantee for him that if i had been messed up in some way and really needed to talk last night, he would have, at his own expense. and it's mutual.

but i cannot take advantage of that! (it was hard not to beg, but i knew it would have been unfair... and pathetic.) these were not exceptional circumstances!

~ waves ~

Hope you are feeling better now waves... :hug:

Talked to him again already or not yet ?

Dear Bobby,
I'm sorry that you have not been feeling well.

It's good to hear that you and your sister talk.

M.

Dear Waves,

You have dx'd the problem and identified a solution.
I wish the next steps (of therapy and then feeling better) were possible.

M.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueMajo (Post 579388)

Hope you are feeling better now waves... :hug:

Talked to him again already or not yet ?

He and i don't get to talk on the weekends. and i may stay off IM next week. :o it is not a between me-and-him thing, it's just a me thing. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari (Post 579426)

You have dx'd the problem and identified a solution.
I wish the next steps (of therapy and then feeling better) were possible

Right, a solution. More than one way to climb a mountain though. i need to find one of the other ways. one that is possible... that i can do alone or whatever.

And various professionals - at different times - dx'd the problem, not me. i can look back and see that it makes sense however.

the abandonment feeling was receding but i had another incident with someone else... i guess my expectations of that person were too high or just inappropriate. i won't go into it. not a close friend this time. and not something that should get under my skin to the degree that it does.

i still feel really lonely. i am used to a lot of solitude - require it, in fact. yet here, i don't have enough privacy/solitude, and yet i experience loneliness.

As George Thorogood sang: "When i drink alone, i prefer to be by myself" ... (minus the drinking in my case).

~ waves ~

I hope that you are feeling better real soon.
bizi

Hi,
You are prob aware of the DBT work books on the market.
They might work while you wait to hope you get the right kind of therapy.

One link I found focuses on how "mindfulness" can be the first skill:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...g2.html?cat=72

I mention this is because some of these things can be done to an extent with out a trained therapist.

Here's a link I found that gives instructions on mindfullness:
http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Dialect.../One-Mindfully

Quote:

ONE-MINDFULLY.

• Do one thing at a time. When you are eating, eat. When you are walking, walk. When you are bathing, bathe. When you are working, work. When you are in a group, or a conversation, focus your attention on the very moment you are in with the other person. When you are thinking, think. When you are worrying, worry. When you are planning, plan. When you are remembering, remember. Do each thing with all of your attention.

• If other actions, or other thoughts, or strong feelings distract you, let go of distractions and go back to what you are doing – again, and again, and again.

• Concentrate your mind. If you find you are doing two things at once, stop and go back to one thing at a time.
.
.
.

Maybe here or in the workbooks you can fine 2 or 3 things to use / practice.

M.

Waves

Sending you some hugs. I wish we were on at the same time so we could chat. Not that i would have a clue what to say.

Donna