thanks Bizi....I am so negative right now. My bipolar depression came back big time. I don't know what to do. I skipped my diabetes medication because I was too inert to go downstairs to pick it up or to have a porter bring it up. My diabetes is getting worse. I should be so relieved that the testing is over and although i haven't gotten the cat scan test back, my lung doctor thinks it will be okay. I am so ambivalent about getting a doggie. I really can't afford it. I also wonder if i want the responsibility of walking it. I was the sole walker of hammy and morgy for years and although i didn't see it as a responsibility looking back it was.
I am having trouble reading. yesterday i forced myself to read one book but it was such an effort. I also read a chapter in animals make us human about cats by temple grandin.
this is turning into the painful depression again. I wonder if pot will become legal in nyc. I wonder if i should spend some money and have some massages. In the next block, there is a place that is reasonable.
I am also anxious about that guy. He seemed really neat. I was so jealous that he is so physically active at sixty one. you can imagine snowboarding! I kept on telling him how blessed he was. I bet I was great for his ego and that is why he was considering seeing me. lol I can imagine some people telling him to act his age and i think they would just be jealous. I was telling him to go for it.
I keep on looking for ways to fight this bipolar depression. I wish I could find a new interest to immerse myself in. I have been listening to a lot more of Bach. right now i don't feel the terror but i am back to thinking about when this whole adventure is going to be over.
bobby

I can't remember if you and i have talked about susan kennedy SARK.
I am reading one of her books presently...she makes me smile.
She is so honest and real about her self....I wonder if you might like to read one of her books I am sure they are at the library she has written many. She free hand writes her books and uses water colors and drawings.
(((((HUGS))))):hug:
bizi

Dear Bobby,
 

Murray Perahia - Goldberg Variations (1-4) composed by J.S. Bach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwEsrdClimk


Andras Schiff - J.S.Bach Goldberg Variations BWV 988 - Variations
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLNagOaZ0Kc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB76j...eature=related
Glenn Gould plays Bach

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZn_V...eature=related
Yo-Yo Ma plays the prelude from Bach´s Cello Suite No. 1

Bach Partita No 3 BWV 1006 (I.Prelude) - Rachel Podger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3mwbnUBBKs

B Minor Mass
"Credo" from Bach's Mass in B Minor Part 1 by Gardiner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bODWP...eature=related


Dear Bobby,
Here is some Bach for you to let you know that I am thinking about you.

Getting a massage can feel like the most wonderful thing in the world.
I've only gone twice -- when I was at Disney World at my little brother's time share. It was amazing. I had to go back to the room and rest afterward. The body wanted to process what it had gone through.

I've found that even a sauna (if you have access to one) can help with the body and mind. Sweating releases toxins. Tdoc says that sweating can release emotions (like talking does).

My attitude changed after my stroke.
I still haven't figured out how to think about the stroke and my feelings later.


M.

thanks...i don't use the library but maybe one of these days i will. i did look her up at amazon and they hardly had anything. no books.
bobby

the stroke is a huge huge huge deal...i don't know how long it will take for you to assimilate it. thANK YOU for the Bach. he really is magic.
i never had a professional massage. Steve, the guy who gave me the breathing test rubbed my back when he was testing me. heaven. he called yesterday and is very very interesting. I think he might be coming over after work today. It might be a one time deal He is Jewish and except for my very first boyfriend, i have never had a Jewish boyfriend. I think he made it clear on the phone that he is looking for more than a friendship....he probably would want to go to fast for me.....oh well....
I am so lonely I hope I don't do something stupid.
I had my appointment with dr moussavian. I told him I am still feeling a lot of rage. He asked if i wanted more dapokate...I said it increases appetite and my weight is literally killing me...he also mentioned cutting back on topamax and i said that medicine supposely helps cut back on appetite. He gave me ritalin. I looked it up and it said that it helps cut back on appetite.
My volunteer called me last night. we had a lovely time. we talk a lot about judaism and conflicts. she is a wise 32. she is very bright. she is also very warm. I really look forward to her weekly calls and am so paranoid now that i think she will stop calling.
bobby
oh I never had a professional massage. the girls in the next block are supposely very gentle. I wish I had more money. I know I am going to do it.
this morning I go to the lung doctor to find out about the cat scan and his recommendations....eeeks

Dear Bobby,

Good luck with the pulmonary guy.
I took 10 mgs of Ritalin a day for several years.
It was a hassle dealing with the pharmacy -- no phone-ins, only hard copy script, script had to be filled within 72 hours of the date it was written by the pdoc, . . .
I don't remember much about hunger but I do remember that it helped with brain fog.

Mari

go with your instincts bobby, you deserve some happiness!:)
bizi

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_n...-keywords=sark

many books by sark...I am sure you could also buy them used there too for a lot less money.

bizi

oh thanks...i typed in the whole name before and came up with no books...
i just might order one
bobby

Dear Bobby,

Do you have rosacea. Do you have small, round, angiomas on your trunk, do you have any neurological problems like back pain or sciatica? If you do you might have Tourette's syndrome and one of its symptoms is anger, quick on the trigger, sometimes profanity, and also people often have ADHD type symtpoms. It is ultimately caused by Streptococcus pyogenes infections (Strep A) that you have had during your lifetime. Some people have it so bad, that sometimes during their youths they had rheumatic fever or scarlet fever. IT can act like a bad flu, sore throat or tonsilitis. We'all develop and autoimmune disease from it and it can affect all the tissues in the body, but we sense things with out nerves so people get peripheral neuropathies and we think with the "nerves in our heads" so we get various types of mental malfunction and they are eventually classified as to a persons main symptoms, as they are adjudicated by some clinician. They are all related though to some degree. OK Tell me if I am close in your case.

Norsk10