[Brokenfriend]

I just don't know. I spent another Christmas alone. I thought that I was going to be invited by a family member.

I feel so alone deep down. It makes me feel sad.

I'm glad that you all are here. Please pray for me. BF

[waves]

I'm so sorry.

I checked the forum yesterday (Christmas) but there was barely any activity... I wish you had checked in... i know it is not quite the same as being with family, and in person too. But maybe you would not have felt so totally alone... i don't know.

I did post to your snowing thread couple days ago then but other threads were active so then it sank down again... was concerned that maybe you were stuck due to weather problems.

I will pray for you. I have spent Christmas alone before. And it is a rotten sinking feeling.



~ waves ~

[Mari]

Dear Friend,

Christmas can be hard.
I pray for you.


M.

[Koala77]

Christmas comes a day earlier in Australia BF, so I was here yesterday as well. If you're ever feeling alone, do sign in because there always seem to be a few of us around, no matter what the day.

[Brokenfriend]

I tried,and tried to get onto Neurotalk last night,but the local service was down. That is a rare thing for the internet service to be down here. I rebooted the computer,and checked it in other ways,but came to the conclusion that the internet service was temporarily down,and there was nothing that I could do about it.

I've had a sudden deep depression episode tonight almost to the extent where I didn't want to live. I've gotten a little better. This type of mood swing is very painful. No one around me ever understood this mood drop,and panic that happens with it sometimes. I don't understand it either. BF

[DiMarie]

I wish there was a magic pill that chases gloom away. The holidays are often so difficult. I use to envy those that had what seemed such blessed filled holidays. I always found secular reasons why the holiday was depressing, mainly the financial stressors.'
No one is immune to the anxiety that can take hold,

Each day could be the one that a glow fills your heart BF.
di

[Isis]

Originally Posted by Brokenfriend

I've had a sudden deep depression episode tonight almost to the extent where I didn't want to live. I've gotten a little better. This type of mood swing is very painful. No one around me ever understood this mood drop,and panic that happens with it sometimes. I don't understand it either. BF

Dear Steve, the depression would have been the result of your loneliness last night.

Festivals thrive on promoting the value of togetherness, so the sense of rejection is at its keenest at these times. Yet very few people make the attempt to be inclusive with even the closest of family.

Feeling alone is what even the great philosophers feared. Even in monastries, if you have noticed, isolation is not a given. There is always the certainty of human company if one reaches for it. It is in not having the choice that the misery lies.

Human beings are social animals. Imposed solitery existence has always been a frequently used form of torture to try and break a person down, and instinctively we know it. In childhood it begins with a guardian ordering a child to go to his or her room, and through out life the need is to seemingly measure one's relevence in terms of one's popularity. And we are all human Steve, and all of us want to 'belong'. And with our poor mental health we are more vulnerable in our interactions.

It is a very evolved person who can voluntarily give up all company.

Is there no way you can make new friends Steve? Volunteering is a wonderful way to establish emotional contact. In the lonely days of my teens I volunteered in orphanages, in old age homes, in homes for handicapped children. Some of the friends I made there are as good as the best of family even now, thirty years later.

[Brokenfriend]

When I lived in the Capital city of my state,I did volunteer work between jobs. I volunteered my services in a hospital,I visited a nursing home,and I helped homeless people on the streets with the ministry of the church that I went to that we called the Coffee shop. We tried to help people who where down,and out,who where wondering the streets.

The problem is where I live now. I live way out in the country(rural area),and it takes alot of driving to get to urban areas. The gas is to expensive.

Thank you for the suggestion. Have a nice day BF .

[Isis]

Ugh! I am sorry I suggested this.
Do take care and let me know if there is anything I can do?
I know it is difficult to focus when one is low, but is there anything you can think of that you will enjoy doing within the constraints?
Think hard, you may be able to come up with something. I came up with indoor gardening. Never had I any interest before. I think the tactile nature of the activity and watching something grow helps me.

[Mari]

Dear Steve,

You need someone to advocate for you and get better meds to help with your anxiety. When you feel less anxiety, you will be able go out and deal with new people in your life. They will find you.
M.