I hope you are feeling better by now.

~ waves ~

I am self-employed and have a relatively low stress job.
Being an RN, I can operate an in home foot care business.(pedicures for the elderly) I see maybe 3-4 people a day. I love my job and my clients! I have over 100 clients that I see on a regular basis. The paperwork is minimal and since I am not a morning person, My first appointment is not until 10 or 10;30am....but I only schedule one person before lunch so if I am really having a hard time getting started, I call and reschedule and go back to bed....and work them in later the day or another day. Doing the paperwork most of the time is like pulling teeth. I hate what little charting that I have to do. Half my clients I send bills to their families so there is that too. It is just me so I do it all. I am very low tech to keep it simple and as stress free as possible. I am very grateful that I came up with this business and have since learned there are foot care nurses all over the country. REcently I learned that there is another nurse in my town and another one on her way who will be my competition. Just this week I approached the senior center about offering a clinic there...we shall see if that works out or not. I had a terribly slow month for feb and was feeling a bit panicy that I needed to do something else to generate more business. Offering a lower cost clinic would do that for me if they agree to having it.
anyway.
I could never do a regular nursing job....way too stressful and I am really good one on one. In indiana, I used to do homecare nursing but the paperwork became unbearable. I have been running this business here for 9 years. I can't see myself doing anything else.
bizi

How are you today Bizi ??

I think is, sort of typical that, us, after having too much fun, we feel down again... At least that happen to me...
I dont know what exactly it is... Maybe, adrenaline keep us going and, then, when we relax, body feel tired and down/blue ?? dont know... nostalgy invades me often after a good moment...

But, are you feeling fine again ?? Hope so !! we love you so much !

Youe job sound pretty nice by the way !!!

Bizi

I like the sound of your job.

Donna

At last! There is a "slot" for the self-condemnation guilt that also plagues me! You hit the nail on the head...it is called "FALSE GUILT!" So many things I still feel guilty about are not owned by me but placed on me by others, ex: religion, children, society...and I LET it happen! After so much treatment and therapy that should have been evident to me by now. It has been explained to me before that I am NOT guilty, worthless or totally responsible for ALL things. I agree, I am not that powerful, but that information didn't resonate within me. Calling it "FALSE GUILT" took away its POWER! It may have been self-pity to let myself continue holding onto that nonsense, (or religion?). When those deep, dark places re-visit, my task will be to remember this "new term," "FALSE GUILT," and apply it to my "stinkin' thinkin'!" in order to keep treading water. I can't wait to use that description! My husband will be so proud of me, as I am. There still are things to can learn from others and share with others! My BP won't like that part but my T will! Bet you didn't know what an affect you post would bring! Thank you, thank you, thank you, from a new NT member. AFUB

Dear Bizi,



You wrote this a while ago so maybe things have changed since then. Ask your pdoc and tdoc to give you more help if you feel that you need it now.

M.

Since this post I went on a diet and lost 20 pounds and joined a gym and got stronger discovered that I was not taking my meds right, still am not can't remember if I took them with dinner tonight or not...I think I did...
sigh
jeff called they played twice at the festival, had a great time and is staying at a host families house...which is very, very nice!
I think I will take my geodon again that is if I took it earlier, it will be ok if I have more....
I am out of my routine....not good.
This anxiety of being alone was crippling last night.
I feel better almost embaressed at how upset I got.
It was like I was making myself sick, worse....I was a mess.
thank you for putting up with me.
bizi

Dear Bizi,
I hope that you can feel ok about yourself.
Tomorrow is another day. Sometimes we do one day at a time.


M.

Never be embarassed because you have to reach out.

There is nothing wrong with it.

We are here just for that.

Donna

(((Bizi)))

It is okay to talk about this stuff. Talking thru what you have been going thru helps one make tremendous stride with their spirit inside. A huge sense of relief- talking to others that will listen (without judgement), many who care and are concerned about you.

Hypomania is not an easy thing to deal with. It may appear to others that you are fine but those are the red flags when our families don't recognize; just not too significant at the time. Our families/etc. often forget what hypomania is about.

The constant thought process that runs inside your head 100 mph, talking constantly- and sometimes repeateding what you have said (Not knowing it), and talking about four subjects all at once. Just for you to realize this on your own and then open up about it with your DH/Boards- very huge factor. A positive one that is.

When you mentioned how you lost 20 pounds, started working out- already you have taken the plunge to help yourself in many ways. It all starts out small but the rewards of caring for yourself are beyond what any med/tdoc can do.

Forgetting to take meds; I do that too. It is not a fun thing. I was on Geodon for a while and I liked it but got switched to Seroquel XR so doctor could see if it was more potent med due to severe anxiety. Both meds are very good ones to be on.

Nurses are so under-rated with all they do. You are a remarkable person and have a lot to offer your patients/families.... and yourself.

Have a good day Monday!! Hugs

Coffeegirl