[waves]

hi, you might not realize, given i have posted here recently, but i cannot "keep up" and am feeling overwhelmed... heck making instant coffee is sometimes overwhelming. sometimes its like nothing. go figure.

i have better days and worse but the past couple have been worse. it looks like i might lose my T and the last appointment was really bad for me. He is also my pdoc and that hurt all the more, plus that's two eggs in a basket if i need to change He was the only person i could tell some things to.

i have been in fetal position a lot. but i am feeling frigid, stone-like, stunned and... unable to cry. i sleep a lot. when the pain gets too much i still have a few Zyprexa's. I can use that occasionally to get an immense amount of deep sleep. to stop the pain, you know, safely.

but i may post, or not, or sporadically or only seem to do a few threads or delete posts... i am feeling very vulnerable, so... these things may happen.

~ waves ~