Be safe in your travels and I will be sending you some positve thoughts fort he next couple of days.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

hi Donna thank you so much for your support!

EVERYONE
thanks so much... i am trying to take the laptop after all... so i may be back tonight... who knows.... gotta run now....

blessings to all



~ waves ~

ps had chest pain last night, took, and will be taking lorazepam, period.

Hi, Waves,

Yes. The lap top is with you all the time at home.
It might feel odd to be without it.

Have a safe trip.

'Sorry again about your uncle.
I guess funerals are meant to stop our routines and
honor the person who we lost and think about the
people we do have in our lives.

I don't remember talk from you about chest pain.
Is it from all that is going on right now?



M.

Waves,
I hope you have a safe journey and everything goes well for you!! Try not to get yourself overwhelmed. Be there for your parents but don't forget about waves!! Sorry you have to meet the family members you have always wanted to get to know under these circumstances! Good luck, sorry again for your lose and the lose of your family, and post when you can.

collinc

Dear Mari,

yes that's right about the laptop. but i've travelled before and not brought it. odd. i'm trying to think if i've travelled SINCE using a laptop, and not brought it. perhaps not. hmmmm.... it has been useful though, to look up some things, even though i did a lot of googlemap printouts before i left that were incredibly helpful. was pretty well prepared as it turns out. was able to call pharmacies, get my mom to one that had the med and was "on our way" ... smooth sailing. a big relief.

the trip is going very well overall, travel wise, room is great, place is great, restaurant downstairs is great. i am very very relieved. i was happy for my dad who got fish and really enjoyed it - was done just right - and he is picky. at least, he is comfortable. mom and i got pizza and that was very well done too. and the people were nice to us.

i don't think i mentioned the chest pain before because it happened towards the end of the day, even though i had had anxiety building up since the night before. tried to defuse it but nothing doing. i sang in the shower (as USUAL) but found myself short of breath! . then the chest pain. that happens to me if i have an anxiety attack and i pretty much interpret it as that. especially when i have been anxious! 1/2 a lorazepam helped though (low tolerance now i guess). i brought my regular stuff with me, but also some lorazepam. i can take it as needed, and if needed i intend to!

that is a very accurate description regarding funerals. it does really take you out of your world for a while and alter your focus. you honor those you lost, you honor those you have.

Dear Collinsc

thanks for thinking of me. i have been slowly letting go of one hot potato after another - the trains, booking the room... now we are here and... dad is asleep, mom is watching tv... i am just *HERE* but i'm going to go to bed soon too.

yes, thank you. i was thinking this too. i was a child last time we saw each other. i am angry too because i really wanted to visit before - and see my uncle too - and i even argued about it a few times, but... well never mind. i feel too bad about things to post about it.

it was weird i talked to another of my cousins (who lost their dad) tonight. he was ok with me as i was pretty much just touching base and perhaps even too airy - i felt at a loss... he seemed at a loss... i stuck to exchanging data... grabbed onto worldly details, you know? then i said do you want to say hi to my dad, and dad went on about his other brother's health stuff (ARGHH! i stepped on his foot to try to shut him up but too late) and then my cousin was crying. he is about my age. quiet sort. i think this really shook him up. it shook everybody up - we still don't know cause of death.

i am nervous about the funeral tomorrow, and meeting everyone, and not meeting my uncle. but i guess one thing at a time i need to sleep now, somehow.

i am glad i have my laptop and internet works (IT'S EVEN FASTER THAN AT HOME!!!!!) so i could check in here. makes things seem more normal somehow.



~ waves ~

Waves
I'm so glad things are going so well.

And please be patient with your dad, remember that talking about health
is probably the easiest thing for him right now. Even though for others
its not easy.

Try to steer him towards talking on health issues that wont upset others.
Maybe his own issues. Sorry it sounds so petty.

Donna

dear Waves,
thanks for the updates and kind notes of support! I really appreciated what you said to me.
Good luck meeting the rest of the family and at the funeral....you should be sleeping by now and I hope that you are able to sleep.
take care and I hope the anxiety lessens for you.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

((( Donna & Beth )))

nice to see you.

Donna that is a good idea about steering dad towards his own issues - because current ones are completely different. the stuff my dad was talking about to my cousin were considerations on his brother (our uncle) that are also applicable to the brother (my cousin's dad) who died... not what he died of, but, ok the conversation was about why the one brother is not coming to the funeral and went something like... "well at this age [OUCH], what can you expect [OUCH! hello??? death???], and he smoked so much for so long [OUCH] ..." i can't step on his foot when we are in person unfortunately. dad is not really steerable. i mean i can try, but mostly we'll just have to hope for the best.

Beth i did not sleep very well. but that is ok, i am ok.

----------

this morning i had a misadventure with the Nespresso maker in the room. dad got coffee and then the room got the water that was supposed to go into making mom's and mine. i don't know what happened. the machine stopped putting water out of the spout, and for some reason started putting it into the overflow area "from inside" - so i didn't notice until it overflowed from the overflow. then we had to empty that in the bathroom and it spilled of course... arggghhH!!! and our host was worried about KIDS making a mess. leave it to me to screw up a Nespresso maker. sigh. and i am coffee less.

i hope nobody has to go to the bathroom because i used nearly all the toilet paper mopping up.

still nervous. i don't know if we will get to spend time with the relatives or not after the function. my aunt is in very bad shape apparently and who can blame her. one cousin seemed fairly ok - hanging on - the one i spoke to on the phone before leaving. she was glad for the call sent greetings to everyone. but twice my dad talked to my cousin (the one from last night) and he all but fell apart so... they may not be up to really "hanging out" with people just at the moment.

i wonder if they have the autopsy results yet. we all would like to know what happened. there is a chance things precipitated from being told to stay in bed (he was told he could not even to go to bathroom! ) due to a femoral hairline fracture. ten days of that he had no more leg pain but a swollen knee. we don't know if there was bruising or what that was. but his cardio saw him and said that it was because of his resting and that he needed exercise. week later heart attack and "other stuff" the docs were unclear about - themselves apparently, since an autopsy had to be requested to get any answers.

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
This is added stress for your family.
I mean on the one hand the uncle is still gone, but, on the other, it might help some of the family members to know what happened.



Don't worry about what he said. They know your father.
And he perhaps needs to talk -- even if it is inappropriate.
Try not to worry about these things. You still have the expedition ahead of you -- getting your little group back home.

Oh.
I'm re-reading and realizing that you have not gone to the function yet.

I'm sad thinking about funerals now. It was less real to me when you were planning the details of the trip. Hugs for you and your mom and dad.


M.

The hard part about funerals is watching the grieving...it hurts so much...I have not been to a funeral since my nephew died 8-9 years ago....
bizi