Majo i am only going to take the benzo for a few weeks.

before i was on it for several years. and it gook me about 8 months to taper off from it. tapering is not fun.

also the one i am using is not for sleep - it has more of an anxiolytic profile. but the more hypnotic benzo's for sleep don't give me good sleep. anyway, just be careful. i am not real hot on taking it, but for a couple weeks it's ok.



~ waves ~

Majo

If you are hallucinating please call your doctor.

I would be scared to add a benzo to hallucinations anyway.

Donna

Thank you for caring Donna

Will see him this month... My guess is that Im too tired now I hallucinate... They dissapear when I have proper sleep...

Dear Waves,
I hope that it is ok I am bumping up a post from June.
Here I had asked you about your goals regarding a job.
Have your goals morphed since then?

I'm wondering how the class you were / are considering fits into these goals.

M.

Dear Mari

no i don't mind the bump. surprised me though, lol!!!

and as usual.... i have sort of a complicated answer i'm just too darn complicated!!!!

the first two goals are really more general - and apply to ANY job of any kind.

the third goal was in function of "staying in my field" which then represented (and still does, actually) the highest possibility right now of gaining employment. the third goal is less about me, and more about keeping a technology-oriented career viable.

for many many years i've considered getting out of software. but not really known what else to do. i've looked for jobs as a writer and/or translator. very little market. i've taught a little here and there (adult classes in computers, adult classes in english, subbed as highschool english and french teacher - teaching both as foreign languages, held in-house training in the companies i've worked for). recently, given the demand for english around here, i thought i might be able to move into teaching as a profession.

a third, more personal "goal", would be to do a job which i feel is life-serving. being a vet, or a doctor, or a therapist, or a teacher would all fit into that. ART would also fit into that but there's too much luck involved. i've also thought about doing training in special education - eg to become a speech therapist. this is not a new goal in fact it isn't really a goal, more of a desire - but maybe it should be a goal.

the more i talk about returning to work in software, and ever since i came up with the cow going to slaughter bit (have said it a few times, to a few people including pdoc)... i think it's time to get out. then something comes up and i don't want to turn it down. that is what is happening now. i guess now though i feel like getting employed in any way shape or form is so much more important than personal desires.

i am going to be looking into the teaching thing however, when i start feeling stronger. right now i don't have any inner push. this job that is happening now, is the result of a ball i set in motion back in what... june? the ball is already rolling so i can just go along with it. i don't have to push out of my box too much to roll with it, even if it is in the 'old' direction.

any direction is better than no direction, for the moment.

even the school/C# course i am looking at, i did not search for as a result of this job. i had found it and bookmarked months ago. and i am not going to be researching other schools to see if one is cheaper or this or that. i don't remember if i had done that before already, but i don't care. i only need one, and this one sounds fine.

~ waves ~

life can be so hard. you are blessed with so many gifts that it has to be so difficult in making choices. some of your gifts could be used later in volunteer work. i don't know how that sits with you. If you were to get a job that paid good money, that would relieve a huge problem. I wonder if you supplemented it with a volunteer job doing something meaningful if that would fulfil a void that the job wouldn't.
love
bobby

Dear Bobby

getting into a life-serving thing, and getting out of computer science are separate issues. doing volunteer work that was life-serving would not make me feel "ok" in software development.

here's why (from another thread) ....

love
~ waves ~

I am sorry. I have had five friends here who have just retired and they didn't have to have the passion you described. One did have the passion for singing and was in a choir the whole time and still is in the choir and taking theory courses at Julliard. Only two were doing consulting work.
Love
bobby

times are different.

nowadays, passion is expected. there is no shortage of people who ARE passionate, aggressive etc...

and i'm nowhere near retiring age where i can just "hold out a couple more years or five"

i'm sick of pretending and pretending makes me sick.

~ waves ~