i seem to be entering a new cycle....i am getting my rage back and irritability...i am holding the rage in....a lot of things are beginning to tick me off...if I express it though it won't make me a happy camper
bobby

for instance on saturday at six pm a social worker from adult protective services came unannounced...i was scared or paranoid...he wasn't the usual social worker and it was saturday...i had the worse fears....
then yesterday my cleaning person or people gipped me...she spent a little over two hours and it cost almost forty dollars an hour....I spoke up but then I realized it was going to escalate so I shut up. Then I talked to Ron and he uses them and rather than being sympathic, he said fire them....and then he made a crack or two about how messy I am and Irma's comment about my refrigerator and then he also said at first they work fast. Here I have been helping him out big time....Then I woke up this morning and my eye hurts and it is tearing...as if something is in itl.....
Ron didn't buy more gauze yet....that gets me mad...
Bobby

Sounds like you have reasons for your irritablity and anger.

I do as well. Having a fight with the electric company. I paid the bill this month, have my bankstatement to prove it. Faxed it to them, but they are still threatening to shut us off.

Just got the new bill in the mail. I want to scream but to who so it would do any good.

Dear Morgy,
I hope that your eye is alright now.
The protective services person coming unannouced would freak me out.

Ron's acting weird.

Sending you wishes to feel good soon.
Mari

I got my first and last migraine over a telephone bill...when I signed up for a new program. Utilities can be the worse. Did you speak with a top supervisor..
I had to go up and up the line before I was successful. They even gave me two hundred dollar credit...in the end which I didn't ask for. The best of luck.
Bobby

I hope you are feeling better today. Migraines are the worst.

Hang in there, thinking of you.......Hugs, Nikko

I really thought the person from the adult protective services was a serial rapist or was going to slash my throat...talk about escalating paranoia. I had just boiled water on the stove and was thinking how I was going to get in the kitchen to throw it at him. I really went paranoid.
I no longer have the responsibility of taking care of Mickey for four days. That was a relief even though I love that dog. He reminds me in personality of my Morgy. Robert gave me good advice about the cleaning people and a better perspective on Ron. He said Ron is probably angry at the world now because he is so incapacitated and robert told me to basically swallow my anger because ron needs me so much. He thought it was good I didn't go downstairs yesterday. Ron didn't have the gauze yesterday to change his bedsore. If he needs me once he gets a physical therapist to practice walking, I decided I will take a book downstairs and be there in case he falls but will at the same time try to relax.
Robert told me to tell the cleaning people what I need done and do it nicely and see if they can do it...he agreed no confrontation.
My eye did clear up. That was a nightmare because I blow things out of proportion. I also ate like a pig yesterday and had two pints of ice cream rocky road. I was so uncomfortable.
I also heard from Kent. He is so accomodating..He wants to see me again so I said next Wednesday since I was in such a grubby mood..He usually brings me flowers and wine and then we take out....and talk for over a couple of hours.
I am still slightly paranoid and less irritable but scared of confrontation. I am so afraid I will really lash out and be sorry afterwards.
Bobby

Mine wasn't a painful migraine. It was weird. It was like a light show...My cousin told me it was a migraine. It was very frightening because I thought at first I had blown some fuse in my brain. This was before I was on medication and my rage would escalate.
Bobby

what was really scary this time was the paranoia and the fact that my medication didn't prevent me from feeling all the irritability and rage. I really was afraid of seeing
Ron yesterday for fear of telling him off big time. Robert really calmed me down..He is so bright and has such a soothing manner about him. Also Georgy called me yesterday from Ron's..He is the cleaner and sometimes brings his mother who really triggered me. I was asleep at six thirty in the evening after eating the two ice creams and almonds. Ron said he had half a sandwich to bring me so I guess he knew how upset I was. Georgy doesn't trigger me...He lets me be. His mother keeps mentioning a paint job for my apartment which would be free but right now I couldn't stand the stress of preparing for it. I also don't think I could stand the stress of having sparkling clean walls.
Bobby

I suffer a lot from paranoia but much worse when I was younger. I will mention it to my doctor when I see him on Monday. I am filled with so many fears and have been all my life and exaggerate situations. I had a pretty scary childhood as a caretaker for a drunken and ragealholic father and mother who led me into taking over her responsibilities. There was no stability and the formation of trust.
Today Ron said he didn't know what he would do without me. I didn't say anything.
Bobby