Dear Jen,
Depression is difficult.
We're pulling for you and wishing things were going better for you.

M.

what are you saying jen????
of course you are a good person.
keep posting, vent talk chat what ever works for you.
we will listen. many of us have become a big support to each other over time so we aren't going anywhere so post when you want to... we will be here. WE are not going any where.
good times bad times....we all need support.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Jen
 

don't worry about how to be. i am glad to see that you posted.

sorry things are not good. i wish they were better. but still nice to see that you stopped by.

~ waves ~

Jen
When you are ready to share the problems. Let me know I am a good
listener. Just talking can help.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Jen
 

just want to wish you a Happy Fourth of July. :)

http://dl4.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...lk0t479j1w.jpg

~ waves ~

Thanks and happy 4th to u too.

I wanted to wish everyone a happy 4th also.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi everyone,

Sorry it has been so long. Things are a MESS here. So many appointments lately that it's hard to keep track and then my pdoc appointments keep getting rescheduled and so it's just frusterating to me.

I saw the sleep specialist on Thursday and she is writing a letter to my pdoc telling him to put me back on a sleeping pill. She doesn't think it's right for him to tell me that he won't help me with my sleep because i see a sleep specialist so she is actually going to write to him. I asked her to because i can't have the nights that I don't sleep cause the depression is hitting hard. I also saw an insomnia specialist that same day and he wants to see me weekly for a few months, but that is impossible right now with the way of having no vehicle so I see him in a few weeks to go over the results of the assesment I took when I saw him.

I saw my therapist on Wednesday too and she was 30 min late and when the clock struck it's bell at the hour I just said I have to go, she told me no and said you need to stay jen and talk, things aren't good for you and you need to stay so I did for like 7 min of which i hardly remember the session anyways. I see both her and my pdoc this wednesday. I haven't been on an anti-depressent since the 25th. I went off the Nardil so that I could see if that was keeping me from sleeping at least partially the problem, the other is nightmares and flashbacks and all that crap that goes with PTSD and dissociation I guess.

I am going to see if can get on an anti-depressent again. I think I have been on every one of the SSRIs and I am refusing to go on another MAOI. Too much of a restriction on almost everything with MAOIs and I just don't think they are for me. So back to the drawing board i guess. I have no clue what he is or will think of putting me on an anti-depressent when I see him, but we'll see.

I am leaving Wed. afternoon for a 2-day vacation with my dad. We are going about 2 hours away or so and it's just going to be the 2 of us....not sure if am looking forward to it or if i just can't see that far ahead right now. I have so much to do with having to move and not knowing if I have an apartment yet after I live with my mom for a month or not. i will find that out in about 3 weeks, would be nice to at least know by the end of the month. It's low-income and 363 sq. ft. so very small but hopefully i am ok there. I think i have said before I have never done well on my own and am scared of living on my own again, I just know I can't live with my dad and step-mom anymore, and living with roomates has never worked out for me. I need my space, but night time is the worst time for me and so i might have to look into getting some nightlights or something...i don't know yet, at least if i do get this place it's in a secure building and i don't know what to think right now, i just don't want to sabatoge this or do something that would create more stress on my family they are going through enough as it is. If i do get this apartment the lady said it could be mid september when it is ready so i could move in there, which means moving twice in less than 3 weeks...YUCK!!! but i just want to get it over with.

I might be working out in our garage today to go through my crap to see what i need/want to keep and what i don't need/want to keep anymore. Who knows maybe everything is wrecked cause it's been in there for 2 years or more actually and if i see one mouse i am out of there. I will just let my dad come out there and help me. I am very scared of bugs and especailly mice and things like that. i am sure am not the only one that is like that though. I just know that i wouldn't be able to go back in the garage if I saw one of those, i get freaked out when i see a spider in my room, and just talking about it is making my skin crawl so enough of that.

Well, basically been up since 11 last night and now it's almost 7 am. Too much to think about lately and haven't been feeling the best. But have to deal with it and do what I can. I have to at least go through my room, i have probably over 120 cds to go through and donate the ones I don't listen to, actually if i was smart i would just put the songs on my laptop that I like and donate the cds to the second hand store and that would be like 30 lbs less to carry on moving day, but am not smart and I don't know if I even want to start that.

Anyways, I am babbling so am going to sign off for now. Thanks everyone for sticking by me thorugh all this crap...and sorry haven't kept you updated.

Hugs,
jen

Hi Jen

nice to see you. gosh 2 moves in 3 weeks yikes! i hope the apartment works out for you though.

that's a lot of CDs to give away. you know, some stores (even ones that sell new stuff) will buy used CDs if they are in good condition. you won't get a lot - i mean it can run $1-5 depending on CD condition and how easy it is to find. thing is if you end up giving away just 50 of them, that's $50 minimum... nothing to sneeze at. just a thought.

i am soooooo glad the sleep specialist wrote to your pdoc to help you! and good luck trying a new antidepressant.

take care :):hug:

~ waves ~

hi jen I hope you are sleeping....
moving is so hard.
I wanted to tell you of my meds that work for me. lamictal is a mood stabilizer that has anti depressant qualities to it. I can't take ssris they make me manic, I take this at night. Geodon is an anti psychotic to help prevent mania, I take this 2x aday and I also take 1mg of klonipin anti anxiety med to sleep at night.

good luck with your moves and thanks for checing back with us write when ever you want to...we will be here.
bizi