[bizi]

Help me out please.
I have been manic and getting restabilized this past month following a too stressful period of time around the holidays this year.
Fortunately, I did not really get into too much trouble except for the fact that I took more medication than I told my pdoc.
I increased my geodon on my own when she specifically told me to call her when I got into trouble. This has happened before as well.
..... this time I was afraid that she was going to hospitalize me and felt if I could just get past this mania and be back to normal then I would be fine.
I mistakenly told my therapist this and she made me tell my pdoc...
or she was going to tell her, herself.
I was enraged at this betrayal.
Hind sight...she was just doing her job.

I faxed her a letter explaining what I had done and she was very mad at me.
so about a week later I faxed another note to her apologizing, telling her that I used bad judgement, fear of hospital etc.

When I saw my pdoc yesterday...I was really anxious to actually face her.
by this time I have figured out that she has spoken with my therapist...and we needed to talk about how we can better work as a team.
"what is it going to take for you to call me?"

By this time I am sobbing about needing her and not wanting to bother her and she is saying something about "my abandonment issues"...and I feel so pathetic and vulnerable.
I hated it.

She told me I needed to work on myself...seperate from my bipolar.
I said that you can't seperate that out..and she said you can.

So
HOW DO YOU SEPERATE yourself from your bipolar?
I am confused by this??????
bizi