a major problem i have is trying to get myself to go to a place for the first time. I guess it is fear of the unknown. I don't have too much trouble making phone calls. I don't even know what I am afraid of. I can't seem to break it down.
A lot of times I don't feel like going to the therapist or Dr, M. but I manage to force myself to do it and am happy i have done it afterwards
Bobby

Dear Bobby,
Phone calls count.
They are hard for some of us.

The more I am inside, the less I want to go out. Maybe you could practice and go outside and then come back up. Or find an errand like buying a magazine or something that gets you out. You could do that a few times a week.

M.

thanks Mari
I will try to take your advise. right now the weather is icky. also i keep on breaking down over Luc although i know i did the right thing. I feel so vulnerable. tomorrow i go to my therapist and on thursday i see dr m. i think. i have to check on that.
i feel so crumby...i also am waiting to get my lease in the mail which makes me nervous and my new credit card. I am also afraid of weighing myself.
I have been finally looking at pictures of Luc..
bobby

Dear Bobby

i am glad you have been able to look at pictures of Luc. maybe you could make a little scrapbook of your time with him... or even an e-scrapbook in html. ;)

i hope dr m and your t are helpful this week.

the weather has been crazy here too. very hot and humid. pretends like it's going to rain but doesn't - then just feels even hotter.

~ waves ~

Dear Bobby,
Find something comforting. . . . .something to hold in your hands, or something you can remember . . . maybe some music . . .

'hoping your week improves.

M.

I will eventually just move the few good pictures of him into a separate place.iI am sorry about the weather. I am so sorry you don't have air conditioning. You really must be feeling awful. I will feel awful when the bill comes but at least my air conditioner is working.
Love
Bobby

Thanks Mari
I didn't sleep much last night. I listened a lot to Josh Groban. I played him a lot when Luc was here.I also was petting Yuki and Abby so much during the night. It was as if they were taking turns. That was very comforting. I was severely depressed before I got Luc and that was one of the major reasons I got Luc. I love schnauzers. Luc really is a special schnauzer. He used to kiss me so much right from the start and that made me feel so good. I thought he would be able to drag me out of my apartment and face the world. He wasn't able to. Instead he was a little miracle. You should have seen him tear around the apartment with a stuffed toy in his mouth! funny and joyous. He was too much pressure. the kitty cats aren't.
Hopefully I saw a few activities outside that might drag me out of the apartment and hopefully help me meet new people besides interesting me.
A couple are religious learning and a couple are fitness. two conflict with each other and my scheduled therapy appt but maybe i can change the therapy appt. if I wind up liking either activity.
I also just got on the scale again and I lost 17 pounds. I am trying to stick to the Ornish diet even though i occasionally break it with chop suey. If I can keep on losing weight, that should make me feel better.
I was severely depressed before Luc entered my life and I thought he would help me break out of it.
right now I see only one more major source of sorrow on the horizon. i don't know if it will happen or not. time will tell. it concerns another friend. I think he is beginning to realize how troubled I am and it might just not be worth it to him. If that is the case, I can't blame him. Life is hard enough
bobby hating bipolar
ps i called about the lease and got an apologetic reply after first being told it had been sent out and was told it will be sent out today-hooray

good job calling about the lease...

and that is GREAT that you lost 17 lbs wowwweee! :):):)

i hope your friend doesn't up and leave... but if he does his loss!

sounds like you have really been scoping out activities... curious to see what you are going to try first... :D

love

~ waves ~

just a quick note...
bobby I amso proud of you for sticking with the diet...it ishard to do that so pat yourself on the back. and give yourself a real hug from me.:)
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Bobby,
Yes, keep the cats close. :)

You will benefit from being around people at the the religions learning and fitness things. :)

Congrats on the 17 pounds. That is fabulous.
Likely you will start finding yourself having more energy. :)

M.