Dear Bobby,

http://lynneforrest.com/blog/2008/11...amily-systems/
Is this what you have been talking about?

also


http://www.joy2meu.com/DysfunctionalFamilies.htm
When does Pudge arrive?
M.

thanks...i found them very interesting....it sounds as if I was the family caretaker role primarily and became the family scapegoat while still being the family caretaker. I wonder what the writers would say about that....
I guess i should start doing more research to see if mixed roles in dysfunctional families is written about on the web
thank you again
bobby
"It's easier still to simply scapegoat the caretaker for everything that goes wrong. If he's got all the answers, why aren't things better? Almost every dysfunctional family has its share of deniers who scapegoat the caretaker most of all. Because after all, the caretaker's incessant labors are also an incessant reminder that everything isn't right"
my sister was a denier and that might easily explain after all these years and i mean all, i finally have some kind of relationship with her. She still says to forget the past or let go of the past and just pay attention to good things. She still pushes herself without mercy although she said she does take five good trips a year.

You're a lovely person, too Bobby! I wish you could see all of the good in yourself that we see.... I hope you get there! :hug:

Sometimes I can't come up with anything helpful either- just can't think of anything helpful that hasn't already been said.

I think I gave up on the idea of protection when I was little. I still feel like I need to be protected, but I can only rely on myself still.
The scapegoat is always the easiest target. My need for everyone and everything to be okay made me the most likely to just take it (and silently resent it, and sometimes begin to believe it).
I just won't take any $hi+ anymore. If I feel threatened, angry, or uncomfortable I will remove myself from the situation; but when someone touches one of those raw nerves- look out!
Despite my upbringing, I rarely yell when I get my Irish up. Surprisingly, what is said calmly seems to cut more, maybe it comes across to some angry people as condesention. Oh well, I feel like a took a big step forward when I stopped yelling.

I have a 7 lb (2 yo) female cat, and she isn't fat; a roughly 5 lb (3 yo) male, who is in excellent shape but he's small; and a 25+ lb (4 yo) male, although his frame is large cuz he's half Maine Coon, he is morbidly obese. I try to get the hefty boy's weight down by altering diet and feeding amounts and playing with him but it doesn't help.....
You'll just have to see her to find out if she's overweight. Spayed females tend to gain weight (especially in the belly). Either way, I'm sure she'll be a welcome addition and a comfort for you.
I just LOVE my cats. They are my children and my entourage! But I stop at 3. More would be just too much to handle. And besides, my husband would kill me!


I'm thinking of you Bobby :hug:

I am so glad that now you can protect yourself in a way where you don't have to yell but somehow make the other people respond. I think my father was bipolar II also so I was always afraid of him. He used to threaten me when I go him upset and say I was going to give him a heart attack. My mother could never threaten me but just gave me so much criticism. Two of my old girlfriends say how much she criticised me in front of them. I don't remember that so much.
right now I feel I can't protect myself and things are just getting unraveled.
I had a therapy session this morning but I woke up feeling awful and it is awful outside and i might have had to wait outside for the bus for a half an hour so I decided I would be crazy to go. Then I am now scared about not showing up and getting in trouble. I seem lately to be always afraid of getting in trouble.
I just wrote a close friend that she has to call me more often and talk about her situation. She is caring for both her mother and father and says it is her karma. Her mother is totally out of it and hasn't talked in so long. Her father is over ninety and keeps on falling. She has daily help as she works but she is so exhausted. Last night i talked with her and became so depressed but i felt her need was greater than mine. She is a wonderful friend.
today i just feel so scared and down.
your poor big kitty cat. it must be so hard to carry him. we are blessed to love kitty cats so much. I am looking forward to getting Pudge and hope Abby doesn't get bent out of shape. Taking care of them also gives me some purpose. It is hard for me to find purpose in life. I love to read but i feel guilty about reading novels that i enjoy. I think I should be reading something educational or spiritual not junk.
I am so scared right now
bobby
my therapist was very understanding and said she didn't think i would come in today because of the weather

Dear Bobby,

That's good that you stayed home from therapy.


Read whatever interests you or that makes you feel better. There are no "shoulds" for reading. No one is going to check your books. Read what helps you get through the day.

If you have novels that you enjoy, you are lucky.
The only novels that work for me are Jane Austen. When I need to feel grounded and also in need of a escape (at the same time ?), I reread one of her books.

Take care. I hope that you feel ok today.
M.

Mari, I also love Jane Austen. I have reread all her books multiple times.

Dear Bobby,
I had some great responses to share, but I thought better of it. I don't know if it's therapeutic to get into all this now?

Oddly, I always believed that I had no business reading anything until I had been through all the "classics." Just being too hard on myself (ah, too alike!). I read whatever I want or can borrow these days and it's just fine. Read what comforts you, and maybe offers some kind of escape?

I'm so sorry that you're scared, and that you weren't able to make it to your therapist today.
((((BIG HUGS))))

dear bobby,
I too am glad that your therapist understood that you could not make it in today....hopefully you were able to reschedule? Maybe she can help you relearn how to not be scared.
I am sorry you are going thru this, sounds like your child hood was very hard on you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I wish you had written some of the responses. I bet it is therapeutic since i seem to be floundering. My therapist is just supportive and doesn't delve into any issues. I see her every other week because i have to. to see my psychiatrist the clinic forces me to see a therapist. I find it frustrating because i want to go in depth with my many problems and just touching them superficially is so frustrating. I don't think she understands me. I don't think she helps me. My psychiatrist only sees me for ten minutes. He is so busy. I haven't made any progress that i am aware of. Life just gets scarier.
I am excited about getting Pudge. I hope it is soon. Today i finally felt that Yuki was part of my heart. I cried when i felt that but it was such a agood feeling. She didn't seem gone but was just a new part of me. I loved her so much. I am beginning to worry again about the state taxes and what other mistakes i might have made and how much money it might cost me. I try to remind myself that the accountant said there was nothing to worry about.
I would appreciate sharing insights. I am glad you are not super hard on yourself now about reading. Reading is a great escape. Also I enjoy reading about people who have problems but then have happy endings. There are just so many people suffering in these times and just so many hardships.
I don't remember things being this bad for so many people. Even the weather is so strange now. It is supposed to snow again tomorrow.
bobby

i was so relieved that the social worker said she didn't expect me because of the weather. I was scared i could get in trouble with the clinic because i am forced to see her every other week to stay in the clinic. I had such a hard time trying to find a new place to go. I couldn't see myself standing in the snow and slush for a half an hour waiting for the bus. I still feel as if i am coming down with something.
My lack of childhood was very hard on me and all the criticism I got from my family. Then i incorporated it which made things so much worse. Now that i am a lot older I finally am getting in touch with the feelings of helplessness.
Gee i still can only walk two blocks. My weight has come down a little so i really didn't gain any weight back. I lost what i gained back. If i could lose thirty pounds I bet i could walk more. My printer just broke and i had to spend more money to get a new one and I used to be so computer savy and now i am worried about installing the new one when it comes. Then a couple of mornings ago my cursor disappeared and i went into a terror. I finally rebooted the computer and the cursor came back. I just can't seem to deal with problems anymore. Yesterday i napped on and off and didn't get out of bed til 12..i never do that. I just couldn't cope. Maybe when the tax situation clears up and I have more time to heal from the loss of Yuki I will be able to get more control of myself.
bobby

hello
 

[Hello mymorgy, I wrote to you about your Yuki passing and about my cat Scruffy. Of couse I still grieve for Scruffy now just 8 months past. I got a new kitty, a tub of a cat, two years old. Well yesterday I had to go to bed Dr's orders, when I woke up and opened my eyes, here was this nose touching mine. I could not help but smile. This kitty in that moment helped with my grief a bit, and I am starting to love him too now. It does indeed get better with time.
Any way dear people, I am off line for a week. I can't even lurk and just hang around. I have been ordered to bed. I went to the DR. and after I was to go to the court house. I have had alot of family issues and it must be resolved in court unfortunately. Well my BP shot straight through the stratosphere. 225/100. I didn't know a blood pressure could go up so high. It scared the S___ out of my doctor in the office! I am having trouble bring it down even with all the meds. So for a little while I will be gone. I will think of Bizi, waves mymorphy, lots of good souls I really want to stay in touch with. I will be thinking and praying for all of you.:hug:ginnie