I found your post very painful and identified with. I felt so good on friday with Maria. I wonder if you could do teaching as a second language. I bet you would be awesome at it and you already know at least two languages. I wonder what the requirements would be. You love to help people. Your creativity would come into play. just a thought. I do have confidence in you and feel strongly that down the road you will find something that will give you a purpose. It might not be following your bliss but it will relieve pressure so you can then follow your bliss in music and art.
love
bobby