Dear waves,

Kudos for you and your pdoc !! :hug:

Im happy to hear Zoloft is starting to help you !! :hug: Silly dperession... So sorry about your fingers though !! :hug: Take care of them !!!

When are you having your tests for the heart ??

And, about the Java stuff, please, dont sress yourslef now !! Perhaps you should forget about everything at least while you feel better ??

Sending you love !!

And... hoping the complete benzo worked !!! Sleep, sleep, sleep !!!

hello dear Majo

well here i still am and still uptight.

i think i might take some ambien. :o i have 5 hours to sleep it off... not great... but might be ok... dunno... :o maybe would be better off with a few more drops of the benzo, or some lorazepam.

the heart tests are tbd... i have to go to my gp and get requests, then book appts.... it's going to cost money and pdoc seemed to think it was important before running but otherwise he didn't seem to be toooo concerned... so i am going to wait... we have some other medical expenses in the family and i don't want those to be put off.

meantime, i will try to get out and walk sort of "aggressively" with the mind set that it is a "necessary preparation phase" to running again.

~ waves ~

I am worried about you waves....
The last couple of days sound intense to me, for you,
please be careful.
(((((((HUGS)))))

I agree with bizi hun, dont push yourself too much !!! Try to relax !

:hug:

i just fell apart.

i've been crying my eyes out.

a tiny tiny should-be-insignificant thing happened... i knew it was intended as a funny, intellectually, but emotionally i just fell apart... i keep stopping and restarting crying.... :(

~ waves ~

I am so sorry.
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) )
I am sorry I wasn't here for you, we could have chatted.
love you
bizi

Dear Waves,
I'm sorry. Lots of hugs.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I hope you get some good sleep.
M.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
 

i just woke up.

hardly any sleep 3 hours, maybe less but i'm not going to check my system log to find out... i don't want to know. i didn't take the ambien because i hemhawed too much and then didn't have enough time to sleep it off. i bawled on and off for at least an hour.

now there are 3 men here, banging clanging thumping drilling and sawing my house to smithereens again......... :( i have earplugs in... the chimney people and the heater/furnace guy is here with the new heater/furnace they are all debating loudly about the placement of wires for fittings etc etc with my mom in the mix BLA BLA BLA

my parents and i are all piled up in the living room, along with the kitchen furniture.... :o

i hope to goodness this is over by afternoon. i just want to curl up and sleep... better yet if i keeled over and died.

~ waves ~

Oh dear heavens!

This is really crummy.
'Soooo sorry that you did not get some proper sleep.
'Hoping very much that the men with the attendant noise are going to wrap things up and be gone soon.

This really stinks. :Heart: I wish that I could help you.
M.

6 hours later
 

they are gone.

i napped very interruptedly on the couch (which isn't long enough to stretch out) the entire time they were here... yes i felt stupid but i was so wiped out and disgusted with everything that i preferred to lie there feeling stupid than sit up and be even marginally involved.

and NOWWW.... my mother is grumbling and bustling about how they did this or that and cleaning up after them. that initially involved turning on big obnoxious lights (highbeam type things). now, she cleaning the tops of the cupboards with the dreaded-by-my-respiratory-system "degreaser."

i could kill whoever invented these damn degreasers. when i was little we used Dettol (British) and later 409 and when i was older i used Pinesol and that worked fine and didn't asphyxiate me... these new and more "powerful" products make me CHOKE... and my mom says but they work BETTERRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHhhh.... :Bawling:

it will be over soon. it will. it will be over. i said i would go to the grocery store today. (walk) i am so out of it. but i'm starting to wonder if it might not be the lesser evil (better air?) but i am literally only sitting up courtesy of caffeine... slightly lightheaded don't want to even stick my head out the door just wanna conk out. haven't eaten this morning and not hungry. i lose my appetite entirely when i dont' sleep. (and if i eat, i don't digest well - it's like my stomach hibernates or something).

it will be over it will be over it will be overrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!! :mad::(

(((Mari))) thank you.

~ waves ~