I am just sad today. I really miss De. I am sooooo use to running her everyday to so many appointments, tragedies like ingrown toenails, abscess tooth, PM appointments, mental health issues, even her calling at least dozens of times a day and trips next door to see me, or me her.

The emptiness is setting in. I go down everyday, I have her cats here, everyone avoids the subject, their way to cope and keep me from crying.

I hate hurting so much, I miss her
I do love the support prayers and friends that have carried me, you’re so valuable. I just am having a bad day today.

Say a prayer and send a hug,
Love
DI

I know, honey. ((((((Di))))))



I remember when my Brother died. No one wanted to talk about it. No one did talk about it. My friend at work asked me when I was going to stop wearing black dresses to work -- when I could go to sleep without crying.

I hate that you have to go through this, Dianne. It sounds like a 'famous saying' or a a 'quotation' -- the only way through the pain is to feel it. I've been there -- lost someone way to soon -- know how much it hurts.

I can't help you at all. I wish more than anything that I could. One step at a time. One hurt at a time. One memory at a time.

That's one thing that does help -- memories. Get yourself a blank book and every time the hurt is unbearable start writing the GOOD and WONDERFUL things that you remember about De. How she smelled when she was a baby. How she felt when you kissed her. How the love felt.

Don't forget her pets too. They're gonna need you and your support too. Animals have a special connection to the other side -- pay attention to what they're doing.

Never-ever forget, Di, that there's so many of us that have been in similar places. We ALL hold you and love you and support you. Visualize that support and feel it surrounding you and holding you up while you hurt and while you cry. Even when the tears let up, we'll still be holding you and supporting you and praying for you.

When you're in the quiet places at nighttime or when you're by yourself during the day, allow yourself to FEEL EVERYTHING, you'll feel De right beside you --holding you too.

Love and hugs.

Barb

Di,

I can feel your pain. It took me a long time after losing my mom to get over the impulse of calling her like she had never left. Once in a blue moon I still get an impluse to call my mom.

Are there any grieving support groups for parents by you that you could go to?

It is going to take a while for the feelings you are feeling to let up. Please feel free to talk about De. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone grieves differently too.

befuddled2

Dear DiMarie,
((((((((( hugs ))))))))


And sending a prayer.

'Sorry that you were having a bad day.
Mari

Sending lots of hugs and prayers. You need to talk about it, tell your friends that you feel like talking, they will understand.

Let yourself cry, you need time to grieve.

I wish I could help.

We are all here for you.

Nikko

I made work OK, all day tomorrow though my son is driving to Cincinatti and I will watch my grandson. I will fret for his many miles on the road, I will fret for watching baby and not crying all day.

I am going to make an appointment to see the coucilor she had.
Moose, thanks for sharing with me, I have my other children to watch too for their lose of a sister.

BF, I still do wait for her to call, or see something I want to pick up for her.
I want to see her, hold her. I keep in my ears the sound of her saying goodnight and adding I love you Mommy....

thanks all for your prayers, I can feel the love
Di

Di,
I too hear your sadness.
you must be feeling so lost and bewildered in all of this.
something that has brought me some great comfort has been getting a teddy bear...I sleep with "my bear" every night now..she sort of lays on my chest around my neck I snuggle with her, she is a small bear but very flexable..from big lots.she "kisses me and hugs me" and I find great comfort in this. I never had a teddy bear when I was growing up....perhaps you could have one of her stuffed animals or get yourself a bear to hold and love and play with in a child like manner.
(((HUGS)))
for you today
bizi

I am sending hugs and I hope you can feel the warmth....you are going through a natural process and don't try to fight it...this way you will heal..
if you fight it you won't heal this tragedy. It is a tragedy. Usually one just reads about it and it doesn't happen to you and your family but it did.
I can't imagine a greater source of pain.....I wonder if you believe in the great unknown and can derive some nurturing from the great unknown.
I don't think intellectualizing will help...maybe getting angry might release some of the pain until you move onto the next level of mourning. Maybe you have already gone through a lot of mourning already when you knew your treasure was in so much pain and you were all helpless in the situation no matter what you did.
You were a treasure of a mother to her. Never forget that....She couldn't have anyone better.
Bobby

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Di, I can only imagine how you are feeling. I have never lost someone like that, tho they have tried (my husband once and my daughter (seriously) twice, not to mention the half hearted attempts and threats. I really didn't know very much about De. If you would feel better talking about her, go ahead and do so...we will all be here to listen and send hugs I only knew that she was in chronic pain from the thoracic outlet syndrome, and also had the bipolar issues, the drug issues.

PLEASE STOP READING IF THIS IS UPSETTING TO YOU IN ANY WAY!!

Was she like my daughter and threatened "it" whenever she was especially upset or angry? That is hard to live with, believe me. It even makes it hard to try the 'tough love' sort of thing, as that threat is the ever-present elephant in the room....[although I have to say that my own daughter is finally turning a corner when it comes to that. She is better now than she has been for a long time - going back to before my husband's suicide attemppt, for which she really had PTSD bigtime]. Maybe we are finally getting to the right combination of meds, one can only hope....

She looked like such a lovely, sweet girl, I am sending you lots of cyber hugs and prayers .

It's good that you came here to talk to us. You know how much we all care.

Gentle hugs, Jacquie

{{{{DI}}}}}}}
Your in my prayers!