Hi,

So a lot of things have happened since I last posted about 8 days ago. I don't think I stopped moving till yesterday when I accidentally took my bedtime meds in the morning...oops. It was probably a good thing but I didn't get anything done.

I signed my lease for my new apt. on Friday and saw it for the first time. It is pretty small but very livable for just me. Brand new carpet and paint. I am going to start moving the boxes and tubs that have and can move in my dad's vehicle when the day starts and then will use my mom's jeep for the rest of the week while she is at work so can put more in it. I am doing most of the things on my own. Friday my step-dad and mom are going to help with my furniture. I don't know how this is going to work, but pray it work good cause my step-dad has spinal stenosis and my mom has a brand new knee. I don't understand why my dad won't help out during the week. He hasn't offered and I know if I ask he'll say no cause he has never helped once when I have moved. i just want to get in there and start my unpacking and get that done so that i can be ok for a day or so.

Next Sunday I am leaving for a little over a week to go camping with my sister and brother on my dad's side of the family. I haven't camped in over 13years so I hope my back will be ok. I will have an airmattress so that will be good. One thing that isn't good is that I won't see my therapist for 2 weeks in a row if I go, which I already told my sister I would go. I so need my T right now and she is on vacation and then I will be, maybe will be ok????

I so need to get away and relax, even when I go to PT they tell me to relax and I told them I don't know the meaning of that word.... they told me we can tell you are so tense. One of my PTs said that i am the most tense patient she has seen. not good. she gave me a cd to help me learn how to relax and it talks you through motions and things like that, i fell asleep to it for 5 hours last night listening to it.

I have no clue when I am going to be able to get my cable, internet, and phone cause it's going to cost close or maybe even a little more than $200 just to get the 1st month paid plus instalation...omg i don't even have that left after paying rent, deposit, some rent where am staying with my dad right now and other bills i pay on monthly basis. So it could be 3 weeks with no internet or cable. I have internet on my phone so will be able to check mail and things like that, just can't really chat with anyone. Oh well, hope something will work out.

Also have learned that my food stamps will most likely go down and that I may have to lose the help I get in paying for some of my medical insurance. I won't be paying utilities cause they are included except for phone and then i will pay air conditioning in June of next year if I get an airconditioner. It's all so overwhelming me to and I know I should just take one thing at a time, but I am one that worries a great deal about a lot of things, and my dad is like it's not a big deal and things like that.

Ok, so I have written enough, I probably could go on and on, but am thinking that these things are really nothing compared to what really goes on in people's lives. I am just ready to crack and I hate that feeling.

Take care everyone and thanks for listening.

hugs,
Jen

Anychange can be difficult and moving is just about the worst as far as I am concerned. Then you have a trip planned right after the mood. It IS a lot of stuff going on but you can handle it.

Is there anyway you can do a phone session with the tdoc while you are out of town?

That;s good that you have a relaxation tape. I have few. When I use the I like them and then remind myself that I should use them at least three or four times a week to stay in practice.

I hope you enjoy your new place and being on your own.
M.

HI jen.
thanks for checking in.
You do have a lot going on in your life right now.
I wish your dad was more supportive of you.
good luck with all of the moving and I hope your camping trip is fun...make it fun...create some good memories, maybe this could be an annual thing? something to look forward to.
Becareful with all of this moving...you don't want to hurt yourself.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you all for all you have said.

Things are very hard for me right now. I am not even sure how to help myself right now. I have been up for almost 12 hours now and I can't relax. My mind won't quite.

No one is around for me to call, meaning my friends, and guess it's just showing me another way that have to deal with things on my own.

Anyways, tc everyone
Jen

Dear Jen

it's nice to see you!

i'm not sure that i have much advice, but i had been wondering how you were and i wanted to say "hi."

good luck with getting this together for the move... i am glad you are getting the apartment - that was an unknown until recently, right?

keep in mind this is temporary. and bit by bit it will all get done. can you conjure a future-image in your head, of you all settled comfortably at your new place?

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Dear Jen

I want to add a couple of things:

First I wanted to say: I don't see any of your thoughts or problems
any less of a reason for being here than anyone elses. I personally
thought, WOW, Jen has some good news.

And then I thought, WOW, Jen has thought threw how she is going
to use a vehicle to get things moved. I'm personally impressed.

I think when it comes to your father, that you have showed in other
post that he doesn't want to help. He isn't one to offer and
then you wont or don't want to ask. So let it go, don't worry about
it. Be happy that your mom and her new husband are willing to be
there for you.

Also check around with some of your friends, or other family. See if
any of them are available to help say on Friday when the furniture is
being moved. Don't just depend on the people that might get
hurt.

I loved the things you said, I also loved the fact that the relaxation
tape had you sleeping 5 hours. Keep using it. And the PT folks
can keep you relaxing.

Donna

Yes,
Jen, take care.
Do what you can. Hope for the best.


In what kind of place will you be camping? Near water with lots of swimming or more like a hilly place with lots of hiking?
Does you family take traditional camping food?
I hope that you enjoy the trip.

M.

Mari,

We are camping near a lake in a campground that also has place for campers and RVs and also has cabins. The lake is not too far from where we will be camping, maybe 150 ft. my sister said. I am not really all that sure cause never been there.

Yes they do take traditional camping food. I am going to find out what I can help with, and bring water and some pop. I know there will be lots of drinking and it is a huge trigger for me cause of memories but think it will be fine...just worried a little about it. It's ok though my sister will be there, and I have nieces and nephews there too.

I think am feeling pretty much better this morning. Yesterday was really hard but today is new day. So we'll see how much can get done in the heat and then go from there.

Thanks again,
Jen

Jen

I wanted to add: You sound so much more upbeat. And I personally
love that.

Have a great vacation.

Donna

Dear Jen

i forgot to mention that i think it is cool you are going camping. i hope that you have a good time - look forward to hearing about it if you feel like sharing that is.

and that's great that the relaxation cd got you to sleep! i hope you have more successes like that.

~ waves ~