Hi,

Right now Hubby and I have our internet, digital home phone, and tv bundled. I really hate the phone because voice quality is horrible (much worse than cell phone for example). I also hate the phone because in the event of loss of electricity, we would only have a few hours of usage.
But I have gotten used to his latest system.

Hubby periodically decides he want to change things. Right now he wants to get rid of the whole set up again -- stop cable to go back to antenna tv, watch Netflix instead, . . . . I told him that he does not get to make decisions without me. It's bad enough that he took away my phone. Now it wants to get rid of it again . . .

I told him he has to talk things through with me first. He thinks I am being unreasonable. I want these kinds of things to settle down and stay the same.

A friend of his boasts about how cheap his set up is. I told hubby that maybe there is a reason his friend is single.

I want to feel comfortable in my own place. And I want hubby to have an interest in my being comfortable. I do know that hubby's ocd gets kicked up when he thinks about the bills. I do not know how to reconcile our competing anxiety issues.

M.

I would discuss the term compromise with him. Does he have any pride in doing what is right? Anxiety is a bummer and I don't know how to cut through it unless you change the focus of the anxiety to something that is worse. Maybe you can make him feel bad and anxious how he at times disturbs you so. You have enough on your plate already with work.
I have vonage and it is great. Cell phones are so cheap now. If i weren't on such a tight budget I would get one just in case of the emergency of the power going off.

I am sorry Mari that these issues become "in our face" when we just want to have the least amount of conflicts. Not even marital head butting, but just the day to day things.

I would say all the things that are arguable points, but who wants to argue!

So I love your answer about that is why his friend is single, you go gal. The only other thing I would do is stall him....tear up about timing and doing without things you have been use to that help face each day. To lose them now is not the time....Seriously, if my dh were about the cable going I would have a melt down....make him focus on something else going, cutting back, but not my cable.

I hope that you can get rid of the stress of this problem.
di

do you like cable tv?
we chose to not get it. we watch reruns of lost on dvds that we own or rent movies. but that is just us.
we have a land line which our computer uses the dsl so we have to have one. We also have a second line designated towards my work fax machine.
We both carry cell phones with 200 text messages allowed, every thing is thru att. Our bill is $200.00 a month.
We had the option of going thru our local fiber optic services which bundles everything but because of the 2nd phone line we would not save that much.(and again we don't want cable) We like how things are set up and hate change. So even if it were cheaper...we would not change our system.
It seems that your hubby gets focused on one thing and disregards your feelings...he sounds impulsive and stubborn. Does he apologise to you when you point out these things to him?
bizi

Hi,
Thank you.
When we got cable in 2009, we made an agreement that he would watch tv instead of buying dvds. He has somewhat cut down on buying dvds. From my perspective, cable is working to lesson his dvd hoarding impulses.


=-=
Here is the update.
We talked. I spoke to the cable company. We can call a certain phone number at the company next week to negotiate a lower price.
We could downgrade to a cheaper package, but he does actually watch the channels that come with the moderately priced package.
Those shows in the moderate level package keep my home from becoming more cluttered with dvds.

I want tv to be simple and easy. Netflix sounds like a hassle. He likes hassles related to his stuff. -- likes to handle his movies and fiddle with items and equipment and so on. I find this really really annoying with regards to my own viewing.

I want the tv to turn of and off -- no messing with it.
I watch a lot of news and news talk shows that are date specific. Netflix does not have that.


We never watch tv together. It is not a shared activity.

M.

it sounds as if some progress is made. since netflix is only movies, he was totally disregarding your needs. I downgraded my cable service and it is amazing how much money you can save. I wonder if his real issue is money or something else. I also wonder how many tvs you have. it sounds as if he is planning on watching tons of movies.
I am sorry this is happening to you
bobby

Hi Mari,

What a hassle! I hate changing all that crap around, too!

I had netflix and canceled it. We would request new releases several weeks/months, but not get them until they hit the premium channels.

I have no problem trying to negotiate lower prices. Right now the economy is so crappy, and a lot of people have cut out these kind of services because they are not necessities. Many companies have customer retention reps. who will try to bargain with customers in order to keep them. Bargain away!!!

Good luck! I hope everything works out smoothly and with as little hassle as possible

Bobby and Kay,

The company knocked off enough money to make him feel better. Apparently, they have a desk that deals with negotiations. They have a six month deal going on. We can call back in six months for whatever deal they are running then.

Cable is almost a necessity in my area. Antenna tv does not work. We tried it for 2 months and could only get 2 channels sometimes. I'm home a lot. I want tv 24 hours a day. We don't have the premium channels or anything fancy -- just something above basic.

Kay,
I'm so glad that we are not going to deal with netflix.

Bobby,
We have two tvs
Yes, money is a factor but it is almost never the complete factor. For now he has settled down again. Thank goodness.

M.

I am so glad you are having a respite. It sounds as if some compromising was taking place. I think cable companies are always ready to negotiate. Before they accepted my wanting to take the essential package they offered me twenty dollars off my rate.
bobby

Dear Mari

i agree with Bobby it is really about compromise.

i read somwhere... maybe the marsvenus books.

that when interviewed most members of most couples feel they "lose" about 75% of the conflicts. point is there being issues where BOTH memebers feels they "lose out" in the compromise then he (author... scott somebody???? brain gone, sorry) then he goes on to say that that is about right. that if you feel like you are on 50-50 terms in compromising, that probably you are getting a lot more than that.

he says also, that it is almost never, objectively 50-50, but that one person always does give more andthe other less. important there not be a huge difference, like 80/20.

anyway i am thinkiing you and hubby have
- some common issues (can be turned into grounds for understanding)
- a good deal of experience in therapy and communication.

maybe you could apply these and fine-tune your compromising skills.

i nearly postedbefore bobby and would have said something sort of similar. i would have used the word bargaining. i was thinking in terms of trading things...

i'll do this if you'll do that
i'll accept this if you'll avoid that
i'll avoid this if you'll avoid that
i can avoid this if you can accept that...

especially look for "win/win" scenarios (covey, anyone?) that could make for good compromises with hubby.

~ waves ~ who needed a post that didn't end in 911 but i've been meaning to post to your thread anyway.