I no longer can be a caregiver to my mother. I have contacted the agency on aging. My mom has stopped PT, saying she can't go to her DR appts.
She said she can stay here and have someone come in and take care of her better than I do. FINE I said, then when I told her I called, she said she won't let anyone in or talk to them, she will take care of herself.

The last few nights, she screamed between 3am and 4am for a hour. She said Die you bastard Die, and a lot of other real bad things. She threatens to pee the bed. I get up I help her to the commode, then back to bed, then she screams for a pill, then she screams for something else. She told me to get out. I have no car, and she said she wants hers back, well duh, she can't drive. The car is sitting right outside. I also take care of that.

I found out this morning, she had been drinking (sneaking). She constantly is bringing up my soon to be ex husband, which is no good for me, nor has anything to do with her. Although, maybe he is nuts from her too. I sure can't blame him on that one.

She stays in bed all day long. I make meals, she wants them, then she doesn't. There is so much more. This is no longer healthy for me.

She can afford this 3 bedroom. I am going to have to move with my pets. Which isn't a problem here.
I have a call into one woman that wants to come and talk to my mom, about assisted living, or having someone come in to take care of her,which I know she already said NO WAY.

I do the house keeping, laundry, shopping, cooking, many little trips to the store for her, help her with her showers, take her where she wants to go hair, appt's, etc

I cannot lift her up, when she falls, I can't call 911 anymore or they will arrest me, since I called so many times when she fell and come to find out she had been drinking or not hurt but not understanding I cannot lift her. Even though she has many health issues, they don't care.

So, in a nut shell, since she isn't going to move, and we just resigned the lease for another year. I am going to have to get my name off it, her's goes on May 1st. She can afford it. I cannot alone. Plus she will not go into any type of facility. I have no POA except medical if she is incoherant.

Since I know that NOTHING this woman says will work. I will move, then I have to contact the STATE ADULT PROTECTION and they take over.

I guess I did the best I could, but I have no life, but a shitty one to say the least.

So, I will be out by May. I tried way to long.

Hugs, Nikko

Hi,
You are in a difficult spot.
But it sounds like you have made a decision and are ready to act on it.
That sounds good to me.


Mari

Dear Nikko,
I agree!
You have tried and tried and enough is enough!
Does threatening leaving help at all?
or is she asking you to leave her alone?
Could you possibly stay a night or weekend in a hotel so that she can see how hard it is without you around? some hotels allow dogs.
She has put you in this terrible position....
I wish it weren't so....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

No matter what I say, she has a answer. I don't threaten her, I just tell her and she doesn't care. She is DETERMINED to live her alone and take care of herself. She can't even remember to take her pills when I put them right in front of her 2x a day.

I can't afford to go to a hotel, if I did then I would have to hear something bad when I came back she would probably call the police and say I stole the car who knows. I tried that once with my husband and the dogs with my own car when I had one, and she flipped, how could we do that to her without telling her. Because she was driving me NUTS.

She takes me for granted, and gives me crap about EVERYTHING. She knows I means business now, even though I did all her pee pee laundry and regular, and got her McDonalds. I even have to serve her! If she kept up with her PT she would be much better by now. Everytime I think she is changing, she goes right back to her old ways.

There is nothing I can do to change her in any way, shape or form.

I am looking into apt's near supermarkets and stores, because I will have to walk, I will no longer have a car, it is her's. Mine was repo'd after my husband assaulted me.

I have to figure out how in the hell I am going to get my stuff moved.

I have no life, my dogs, my birds, a few friends, but not close friends.

She thinks she has me financially. But I will live in a dump, so be it.

I have my SSDI and food stamp card. I will still be able to go to COPE where I go for BP, they send cabs for you to and from. Other dr's I will not.

I have been through her illness's since August of 2005, then all the problems/assualt/court with my husband. I can't take much more, all I do now is cry on and off.

I am 48 and my life isn't even worth living anymore, except for my dogs.

I am not strong anymore, I am in pain physically to the max.

I probably will have to give up my rented pc too. Have just basic cable, and just my cell phone.

I will be totally cut off from the world, maybe that's a good thing.

I will keep you posted, I plan to be out of here by May 1st.

I am real depressed, and having real bad thoughts. I am weak and in pain.

Love, Nikko

Hi,
Have you checked out the bus routes in your town? If you got a place near a bus route, you would have access to most places.
Libraries have computers for you to get on line.


Your mother is mistreating you.
I wish there were a way to get her to stop.

Please tell me that you have talked to your tdoc about this.
Mari

((((((Nikko)))))),



I hate this. I wish there were some way I could help

Is she like this even when she's not on the booze?? Could her doctor maybe give her the antagonist that makes her sick when she drinks??

Barb

N - I WROTE YOU A NICE POST LAST EVENING AND - POOF - IT WAS GONE! So I'll try again It sounds like you mmade that decision, and you really need to stick to your guns no matter how much she says she's sorry, or beg and pleads with you. I know it'll be tough on both of you, but you have to do this for YOU MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH! You can't be playing constant nursemaid, etc, etc, espeically when there is rarely any gratitude and, in fact, you get b*tched at constantly!

You probably would have done this sooner, but she was sick, and you were going thru alot with Mr X. Now it's time for YOU! ! ! You need to get yourself back into good health all around, so that you can try to live 'the best life' that you can! Gosh, I sure wish I could come visit you in AZ - that would be nifty!

Take care of YOU now - you know you deserve it, and it's about time!

Gentle hugs, Jacquie

Nikko

I think you are making a good decision. I sure wish I could help.

But don't have a clue how. But I'll be here to help in any way I can.

Donna

I also think you are making a great decision. Have you looked into housing for the disabled? The rents are according to income so you wouldn't have to pay much. I had such a painful time with my toxic mother and I almost didn't go to her funeral. I am pretty certain if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have cause for regret. I let her manipulate me. My psychiatrist said after I described a lot of incidents that both my parents were sadistic to me. NO WAY DID I DO ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR YOUR MOTHER. I still can't imagine how you have put up with it this long. I am so sorry you have to deal with so much pain.
I think you are such a wonderful person and deserve happiness and shouldn't allow anyone, except for maybe your dogs which they wouldn't do anyways. to walk all over you and dig your own grave.
Bobby

Dear Nikko,
YOur mother makes me so mad at her.
Iwant you to kow that I think you are wonderful.
and you really have to stick with your plan...
I agree with everyone else.
You deserve a good life not one full of toxic people.
You deserve to be treated well.
I wish we lived closer...cause I would be your friend.
(((HUGS)))
bizi