[Nikko]

I got an email from my husband's father stating everything I had already told him. I sent him a copy of the police report and the letter stating the lawyer filed a motion to withdraw and arrest warrant.

He then says "I don't know where you get your info" HUH read the damn letter, it has the courts letterhead for God's sake. So does the police report and all the information from the witness's etc. I can't even repeat what my husband said to me that day, I don't remember I was too dazed, but its not pretty, it's all right there in black and white.

He said - my husband and his lawyer have everything under control, and that the court date was rescheduled to Oct 16th. I knew that too. They will be there, husband and lawyer.

Maybe so, or my husband is lieing to him. They have everything under control, OMG he is probably getting a slap on the wrist.

I think I am going crazy, maybe thats there plan. To make me look nuts.
I will call my court advocate on Monday, now I am really scared of court on Oct 16th.

I asked him to please have my husband change his address, so I don't have to keep mailing his mail back east to his father. I asked him why is my husband dodging the bullet by not letting anyone serve him????????????

Actually, I am going to post his letter to me, and my responce. Maybe you can help me.

Hugs, Nikko

[Nikko]

Hey . .I got the mail regarding the police report and the missed court date.* I don't know if the court is supposed to keep you informed of what attorney is doing, I am not sure of that.* As far as I know 9/12 court date did not happen because his attorney requested a new date(10/16, the date you told me about in the email you sent).
*
attorney requested the new date because time was needed to prepare his case and get information from the police and DA.*
*
attorney never tried to retire as his attorney.* Not sure where you're getting your information from.
*
and his attorney have the situation under control.
*
Thanks, so much for caring.
*
Love,
Dad

[Nikko]

Hi,
Where am I getting the information from, the letter from court I sent you, that they sent me. It even has checked off, I believe that he got the letter too, unless that is the other paperwork I rec'd. Yes, the court is supposed to keep me informed on court dates, etc because I am the victim and do have some rights too.

I know all about the lawyer and not having time and all the judge told me she rec'd a phone call from the lawyer, I was at court that day. I rec'd the letter days later. It states the lawyer has filed a motion to withdraw., and the arrest warrant. This is why I sent you everything I had.

So, why did dodge the papers they tried to serve him?????????????????????????????????????????? That I requested? I went through trying to serve him before back East. and it took him coming to my lawyers office for something, and that's when they finally got him and served him.

Did you read the entire letter and police report? Would you please ask him to change his address, so I don't have to keep mailing you everything and then you must have to mail everything back to him. Did you get all the magazines of his, I sent you also?

I guess you aren't going to answer any of my questions, since you didn't from the other email I sent. I understand blood is thicker than water and you still blame me partly. But it takes two to tango and is an adult. No matter what I did, if I danced naked on the table at the pool, he had no right to hit me, nobody had the right to hit anyone.

If you had any idea what the circumstances are, and what I am going through, from that blow to the head and hitting my head on the cement from it, you might think differently. Plus, this isn't the first time, the time back Eastwhen he tried to strangle me and threw me up against the wall and ran, but the police got him. Did you know my mom paid 500.00 for a lawyer for him the second time back East.
I know you know your son, and I do too, but there are two sides to your son, and I know them both. You already know he tried to lie to you or did lie. I don't want to hear his excuses, because he is a master of manipulation, and men that hit women do not change. He already went through anger mgmt twice, because he skipped too many classes the first time, and he was on probation for a year.

I hate telling you all this, but you need to see the whole picture here. I supported him financially and emotionally through everything. He used and abused me, and never loved me, he only loves himself, I know that now. Took me long enough, huh? He always had a car, because of me. I wish him luck, he needs it. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but that isn't my problem anymore.

If you don't want to talk to me anymore, just tell me, and I won't bother you with anything, it's too upsetting for everyone involved. I wish you hadn't jumped to conclusions because I had to bring a witness to court, which isn't easy for people to get time off from work. You should of asked me, instead of accusing me of moving on and so forth. For the record I have NO boyfriend, nor dates, or anything like that. How could I even be ready for anything like that.

I don't want to argue, it's a waste of time. So write back if you will, if not, then I get the message.

Take care, say Hi to , hope all is well, Love,

[Nikko]

I had to Block out my husbands name and mine and where we used to live to protect myself, but you can read through the lines.

Nikko

[Mari]

Nikko,

For whatever reason the father has, he is not going to take your side 100%. Forget about getting support from him.
He has his own reasons and it is hard to get inside the head of another person.


I would not forward the jerk's mail. I would be writing "Not at this address" and "Return to sender." You don't need to be so accomdating and then feel bad that no one appreciates what you do. Check with your DV counselor or lawyer about this. But, in my mind, if he no longer lives there, then he no longer gets mail there either.

I know that you want to see justice done. But you might not get it. The state will do what it usually does. And you don't know what is going on exactly with the judges and lawyers. But don't worry. As long as you keep him away from you, you will have what you need to go forward with your life.

I suppose you could try suing him in civil court. But as you said he has little money (that you know about). And I have no idea how this would work. Still, it is an avenue you could consider if you expect the state court to disappoint you.

Are you going through divorce court?


Nikko, this is a hard period to go through. Do your best and focus on what is important. I feel for you.

Sending hugs.
Mari

[bizi]

Dear Nikko,
The above is quite clear and I would not have any thing more to do with this man.
And I would not forward anymore mail!
Mari is right....
This all sounds so hard and I feel for you.
Hang in there and knkow that you are cared about...
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[waves]

i would double check with the DV counselor and your lawyer about what to do with the mail, i.e. whether there needs to be some official address changing ... is his name on the lease? etc. only to avoid risk of doing ANYTHING that might compromise your case. it may not be acceptable to toss the mail ( tempting, eh?) nor perhaps to mark it "not at this address/return to sender" (esp. if name on lease), so do please check out the legal aspect of what you can/ought to do...

but i am certain you do NOT have ANY responsibility to FORWARD it to his dad! You may have to just let it pile up in a box or something. check with the courts for the best course of action. track straight.

i agree with Mari and Bizi about his Dad - I think best not correspond. Even if this man has been supportive at times, now that does not sound like the case. Apart from the emotional (un)support, i also think it safer to avoid information exchanges at all with him, about or not about the case. He could end up testifying against you, horrid as that sounds. Protect yourself. talk to the counselors, the legal services and courts; avoid contact direct or indirect with your husband, and avoid sharing information with potentially damaging third parties.

Please take care. I want you to feel better, and I want the state to slam him (into the slammer ).

hugs
w.

[LindaM]

Nikko,
You have gotten some very good advice from your friends here.
I don't know any of your story except what I read here, I don't need to though I lived it for way to many yrs.
Listen to the advice you have been given, you have nothing to prove to his dad and you will never convince him that there is 2 sides to every story, I don't know the situation with your DH and his father and this could be way off base but as a general rule your DH had to learn his behavior from some where and most likely it is dear ole dad, even if not his dad is not going to want to believe the worse about his son..

Good luck to you and take care of yourself..
Hugs, Linda

[Mari]

Hi Nikko,
I don't know when I will have a chance to get back on line. Haven't plugged in the MAC yet.

How are you holding up?
I hope that each day gets better for you.
Mari