[Nikko]

UNBELIEVABLE............ His PO told him to have a 3rd party contact me in regard to the rest of his belongings, and then let that person know when it would be a good time for HIM and a cop to come to my house. That 3rd party was my FIL.

I was LIVID. I spoke with his PO and it was true he said that. I told him I gave him everything.

I also found out some interesting new facts. He is on this new probation until Feb. of 20099999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Thank You God.
He has been fired from a few jobs. So, much more, but I really don't want to post it, I am afraid too.

All I can say is my FIL is a big LIAR, just like his son.

I was in quite an UPROAR yesterday to say the least, but found out so much, that now I know, and I can say he will never make it to 2009.

Nikko

[bizi]

unbelievable is freaking right.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[DiMarie]

Nikko that PO is allowing him to still use power and control on you. By now they have to realize anything he had needed or was wanted has been long gone! It is just his way to get near you!!!!!!! He is being given that power by them wrongly.

If he has a list of something eh feels is there, he can give to PO and then you can look at it, and advise from there to neutral party LIKE THE PO to get it! The PO you absolutly will not be part of feeding his power.
Di

Men who batter have a need to control; they define it as being in control of others--but are not in control of themselves. The control issue usually escalates in the relationship,


From one of the greates programs, the Deluth!

Using intimidation: making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons.

Using emotional abuse: putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

Using isolation: controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.

Minimizing, denying, and blaming: making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Using children: making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, threatening to take children away.

Using male privilege: treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Using economic abuse: preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income.

Using coercion and threats: making and/or carrying out threats to hurt her, threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This information is from the Duluth, Minnesota Domestic Violence Program

12 Ways To Tell Whether Your Man
May Turn Into An Abuser

Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if he uses substances as an excuse for what he does: "The alcohol made me do it.")

Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don't marry him with the belief that "I can change him." You won't.

Morbid jealousy. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince him that you are innocent of his accusations.

Past child abuse and/or witness of marital violence. This happens in some cases. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to copy their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a "violence carrier".

Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up and explodes at small things, and reacts with a tantrum over minor things, he may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How he deals with anger is the key.

A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he acts out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
Cruelty to animals, abuse and mistreatment of pets, great enjoyment of hunting for the sake of killing animals could help you to face this question: What makes you know he will treat you any differently?

Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. A person is what she/he lives. If he ever "playfully" points a gun at you or ever gestures at you with another weapon, what could happen if he became very angry with you?

Mental illness. A person with an unsound mind or without any sense of moral responsibility or guilt may not be in control of his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

A poor self-image; insecurity about his own masculinity. If he feels compulsive about always being "one up" and dominating and he lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to his control and possibly treated like one of his possessions. He may feel he has the right to treat you like his property, to do as he pleases.
A pattern of blaming others, particularly his wife, for his problems. If he never accepts his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.

Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method. Do you want a man who talks out or acts out his anger?


Men Who Batter
There is no definite way to determine why some men batter, but there are common psychological characteristics, known as "risk markers". The following risk markers were derived from studies comparing batterers to non-batterers.

Risk Markers for Spousal Violence
Intrapersonal elements:


low self-esteem
fear of intimacy
high power/control needs
high levels of anger/hostility
depression
low stress tolerance
defensiveness
denial/minimization/justification of own violence
Interpersonal elements:


possessiveness/suspiciousness/jealousy of partner
poor communication with partner
guardedness in all relationships
difficulty expressing affection
verbal aggressiveness
negative attitudes toward women
Environmental elements:


violence in family of origin
alcohol/other drug abuse
un- or under-employment
child abuse (more than half of all batterers also abuse their children)


In addition, there are other risk markers that commonly go along with extreme spousal violence.
A History of:


having been severely abused by parents as a child
having perpetrated severe spousal abuse
separations and divorces
using a weapon
arrests
Psychological Factors:


antisocial personality
alcohol abuse or dependency
generalized aggression
emotional volatility
high levels of dysphoria, alienation, dependency
Situational Factors:


availability of a weapon
recent separation
threat of divorce
child custody dispute
recent escalation of violence
verbal or non-verbal threats
open hostility toward spouse
isolation from supports for non-violent resolution of problems

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/alcohol.htm

[befuddled2]

Nanc, Di is right. It's about control. My husband has been pulling his own bad numbers on me lately too and I too let it get to me.

Great information Di. My husband was all of the wheel.

befuddled2

[Mari]

Hi,
This would have upset me and thrown me for a loop.
Then I would have gotten angry.
I hope you are calm about this.

What a piece of work he is.
Good for you for calling the PO.

Mari