thanks everyone i hope to reply to each of you in the course of things. it might take more than one post for now i'll start or else how will i finish.

i think i am ok. or rather. holding. these things run themselves out - the body does. sometimes is better not too. i am h aving a hard time staying on my meds - taking at right time... this time i am fluctuating a good bit between anger and euphoria. ihave lot of anger ... another something to need to manage.

i am not being very observant lately. that can be said in many general directions

last night i made spinache wiht the leftover tomato sauce the monk was cooked in (i hope mom will not fuss because of using "contaminated" (by cooking fish in it) sauce) - monk fish mom made for dinner. yummy i ate raw onions and bread with it so kinda overpowered. i added onions to the sauce (that'\s what i chopped them for). then seeing as i moved stufff cleaning up around i did the dishes cos i'\d messed up moms piling system any way - she would have been upset and muttering re-piling them. that was nice got out early yesterday coz of strike so had to make last subway by about 6.15 pleanty of time for a bloody mary first.

ran into risotto dude on the way home. he was nice i told him i as mad the night before he said boss i said no toghit i'm made but at my boss
(mad - not down, i am cycling between mad - up which is dam weird did you notice dam and mad are reversals.

i am ok. i think. i have sleep management in place you could say - not prepared to any explanations on that - but i sleep a cold 10-30 to 7 every day. that's 8 and a half hours. of SLEEP. i told pdoc that he said alright (not like he can come shove the pills down my throad anyway) so i see him tuesday next week. as slong as the sleep managers don't run off with me i'm ok for a couple weeks.

the asthma-like sx in control with nasal spray reneal (for drip) but also need to buy some antihistamines also spring will haev to get appointments with all that sutff related of cours nwo will have to add that i'm smoking again even if very little.

so tempting to just leave the bed out (it's saturday) it feels soft and warm and very tingly and i love the colors purple blue different blue grean cream pink. reminds me of a pic of Harriet i saw Bizi... not her colors of cours - she is pretty though isn't she - the bedding she was lying on. can't remember if all balled up or sprawled out. i'll see if i can find the photo in the kitty threads.

i better (no bedder) go ged up the bed.

steve you are so sweet. it would be nice to be near you. you are so protective and kind. i will try to take your advice and keep things as tame as possible. yes do not do things one will regret.

well i am off - not do do better things but bedder ones still

(2 show/melt-downs with my boss today and another with another guy just scathed by telling the owner it was better (bedder???? reminders everywhere!!!!! ) we talk about it on a day i was less boiling as it was...i went down at 3 to let off steem about a fight with my boss and drink none to lightly. devintly and area i need to back off of told pdoc that amd trying to favor lorazepam but ain't happenin if not as a considered additive.




~ waves ~