Dear Mari,

I like the 2nd mantra better unless you want to "give up (your) need to have everything go right."

I'm glad the service was okay despite the pig. I like the word "pig." My mother always said it was the worst thing you can call anyone. It sounds like she deserves it.

Kay

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari (Post 757477) I willingly release my attachment to having things go right.

Dear Kay and Bizi,
Thank you.

The mantra was hard to remember today . . whether because is it a good one that I need or because I simply have not learned it yet.

I need to write it down in more places, say it aloud when it is in front of me, and maybe put it in my phone.
I was only able to remember the release part. . . .so still working on this.

Work suxked today. I could have used the mantra.

M.

i should use that mantra too....it is a real keeper
bobby

the weekend is just around the corner this has been a long week for you it seems.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
bizi

the more i think about that mantra the more i realize how much of my difficulties lie in expecting things to go well. i must be very angry because they don't and i don't have control over the situations.
bobby

Yes, Bobby,

The anger and frustration and resentment ----- all of that.

. . . . releasing the attachment to wanting things to go well is helping I think.

M.

Mari,

I think with practice, it will come to you when you need it.

:hug::hug::hug:

"willingly" is to hard to say
 

Hi,
I feel calmer about some things today.


I am changing the word "willingly" because it is too hard to say after "release" and tdoc said "release" was important. So here is the new version:


I freely release my attachment to having things go right.

Sometimes I change "go right" to something close to it.

Often, I say only "I release my attachment," figuring that the brain remembers the whole sentence so I don't have to say the whole thing every time.

M.

Dear Mari

i am glad you are feeling calmer. Do you think it is the mantra... does it help when you use it?

yesterday i used a modified version of your mantra. i also cut out extra words but kept release and attachment - i think they are important because they oppose each other semantically. so the coupling homes in on the mental work to be done... (free interpretaition from your local quacky wacky waves.)

i tried to think of other couplings too, but none came. i was not in a state of brilliance after work shall we say. nor during, i might add. i was missing beats, lots.

ok so my modified version, when i came out of work feeling... *everything* (but not good) was:

I release my attachment to feeling ok.

the trick now will be to use it often enough.

LOL. now i don't know if that is such a healthy release. but it was like, ok, life can go on without my being ok. i mean i have been not-ok long enough and the world at large doesn't seem any worse off.

~ waves ~

I found out what was bothering hubby
 

Hi,

Tonight, I realized that for the past two and half weeks Hubby has been feeling that I was blaming him for my colleague's death. Every time I cried hubby took it personally and became agitated and more isloated.
I said, "I don't blame you." I could not get that into his head.

Finally he was in a place in his head where I could use language he uses in math:
I said, "My feelings about John's death are independent from my feelings about you.

He finally got it -- after hours of talking tonight.
I am exhausted. He is relieved and is being nice again.

M.

i feel sad for your husband if that is the way he can distort things and what a challenge for you
bobby

you must be exhausted....
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yeah. I called my sis to complain about hubby. My father got on the phone to talk to both of us. Hours later, hubby got around to telling me what was bothering him. Today was a better day for the two of us.

going to plan to nap at work
 

Hi,

I desperately wish that I could sleep.

I could clear off the plants on my desk and make a pillow and sleep.
That's the best way I can get dressed and out the door this morning --- by promising myself that I can nap.

M.

a sense of humor is very good especially when dealing with very serious stuff
bobby

I'm glad that your hubby was able to open up to you, and you had a good day together yesterday!

Thinking of the all-famous rain dance, how about a sleep dance?
I'm sorry you struggle with sleep so much :hug:

No interest in sleep yet.
I have to be up at 8:00 am.
At our meeting later we expect the new big big boss.
My goal is to not be noticed. I want to appear normal.

M.

Sending thoughts. I read through most of this thread. Seems I missed
a lot.

I hope you start to sleep better soon.

Donna

wonder how the meeting went....
bizi

i hear ya!

hope you are holding up ok... :hug::hug::hug:

will check back for updates... :) sending
Sleep :Zzzz: Vibes-in-a-Bottle
just spray on or if you won't self medicate
have partner spray solution on you at the pre-agreed upon time. :D;)

~ waves ~

some sleep on the weekend
lots of crying
not sure what it is --
1. weariness
2. situational sadness (beyond grieving for friend, also grieving about work)
3. stress related to work
4. straight depression
5. all of the above


medium anxiety compared to my usual high anxiety
Now I startle easily, feel very jumpy and out of sorts

M.

Glad you got some sleep this weekend, sorry you've been crying

I'm sorry you've had so much going on :hug::hug::hug:
And I'm sure at least 4/5 of those things are contributing to the tears.
I hope you're not having a depressive episode, maybe you just needed a big release.

This sounds very exhausting for you.
wish you had some relief...maybe you could go back to the sauna, sounds like that helped you.
I have had that startle responce before but mine is with eye movement...it makes my heart flutter on those occasions not pleasant.
hope that you feel better now...spring break should be fairly soon?
bizi

I figured out part of the problem --- I was fighting a head cold.
It arrived.


Work got more intense. I haven't heard from my buddy since early this morning. I hope that he is ok. He and I are the only ones that know this current assignment.

M.

Head cold.... YUCK.

I hope it doesn't stick around long!
Feel better soon!

Hubby made chicken soup w/ veggies I picked up on the way home
 

Hi,

Hubby bought a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store on his way home from work.

I called on my way home to ask him to make soup with the veggies I bought:

~bok choy
~baby carrots
~lots of fresh dill
~onions

It's nice.

M.

hope you are feeling better
bobby

Mari, that soup sounds great! I like bok choy, but never thought to put it in chicken soup... I will have to try it!

good news at work. too upset after all that we went through to care
 

Work buddy and I got good news at work. He says it is very good.
I'm worn out by those people and barely care. I'm happy for him.

My cold got worse. I have a low fever. Might take some tylenol. Not sure I can manage going into work. I really look and sound like garbage -- like someone who should be in bed. But I took several half days off this week already.

M.

if you have a fever definitely stay home from work and rest. great about the good news...sorry you are not enjoying it
bobby

I am hoping that you took the time to take care of yourself.
sorry about your cold/fever.
I am sick too.
misery loves company.
bizi

i hope both you sickies are feeling better!!! :o

your hubby is a good cook Mari. the soup sounded good.

i like to use fresh sliced ginger and carrots in my chicken soup when i'm sick (well ok, even when i'm not... duh). ;)

i hope work lets up soon.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Oh Dear God.

I need to go to bed.

anxious

lots of paper work due tomorrow am

. . . . .
Avoiding sleep and Avoiding paper work.

'Still have ugly cold. It is quite disagreeable. This cold has made me feel very ugly.

I am sorry that you are still sick, can you go into a walk in clinic to be seen?
hope that your work stuff gets done so you can move on to more enjoyable aspect of your job...I have always hated paper work.
((((hugs)))))
bizi

i hate paperwork and colds and having to sleep when i don't want to either.

and i hate when i end up having do do things sleep-deprived.

i am sorry you are feeling ugly Mari. colds can be rather gross and have that effect on a person but just remember it's gonna go away.... they say a week to come and a week to go.

do something unusually soothing like dabbing rosewater on your eyes. use chapstick around the nose area if it is irritated. vitamine e and cocoa butter can also be good - but i like chapstick or a combination. that's something that makes me feel a bit more comfortable.

:circlelove:

~ waves ~

It would sure be nice if these colds or whatever that are going around
here now would last just a week. They aren't. They are lasting forever it
seems.

donna:grouphug:

feel better mari.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

three hours sleep.

the week was so long.


busy day ahead


i never completed my paper work.

oh

Hoping you get better and get good sleep soon Mari!
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
I amsorry
bizi