Oh G_d. This is so embarrassing. . . . I see myself wanting more time with work buddy.
We rarely SEE each other at work because of our schedules. We talk on the phone and email often regarding work stuff. Lately we've been emailing each other documents and commenting and editing and emailing back. We email round the clock it seems. I email him about work info /insight I have. He emails me with work questions he has.

Last week in my office, I apologized for being inadequate about a certain aspect of my work. He responded by saying that We Won The War. We did it in spite of our very good friends quitting, dying, getting fired. We did it with no help from anybody --- no person from our dept or any other dept.

The two of us won a gigantic multi year year across the organization victory that did not settle in for me until he said all of that aloud. . . . Maybe it was more like a battle because there are still little skirmishes to wrap up . . . Even those who have started benefiting from our fight do not appreciate the accomplishment we achieved and the toll it took / is still taking.

Our paper work load has been bigger than ever. I sleep in increments, wake up, work, sleep, . . . check email from him, . . . so stressed.

M.

Dear Mari

with what you two have been through, i think a sense of bonding is natural. here is a person who has really "been there" for you, with you, for a long time, rockin the same boat you were both risking to sink in. you have been at e-distance most of the time. you are wanting something more concrete. it sounds like a natural/healthy evolution a relationship.

if you were not married, i would probably be giggling like a school girl and asking you if you thought it was reciprocal. but you are married, SO....

...maybe you could control the slant that this bonding takes... i hope. you know, process the bonding differently... more like two vets who fought side to side in Iraq or Vietnam. does hubby like work buddy? could you two do stuff outside of work, as friends?

if this has to be a crush... well maybe it will just be transient and will shift into more of a friendship.

whatever you do don't fault yourself for your feelings at this moment. they are understandable. and i think the recent difficulties with hubby may be part of "why" you are experiencing this bond in this particular way. that too is sane and understandable.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
Thanks. Good to be reminded that feelings are real.
I'm going to sleep I hope.
I'll be back later.
M.

i don't care if you are married or not, i think it is so wonderful that you have such a wonderful friend. I would let the relationship flow.....so there...
You need something so positive in your life and so supportive
bobby

He is someone who gets it., knows what you have been thru. Probably no one else does including hubby. so I can see the validation he provides.
bizi

He's always positive with me but he lets me complain a little bit. When I complain in an email he acknowledges my feelings but moves on -- it kind of keeps things from getting too personal that way I realize.

It's slightly reciprical. I am not making this up all by myself.


Hubby likes him as a work colleague. I don't know how anything more than that would work out.

He's older than I am but I feel like the big sister. I advise and encourage. Every once in a while I push him a little harder than he is used to being pushed because I have to make my point by getting him to talk until he sees my side.

What is fabulous about him is that he makes decisions. If I slightly disagree, I go with what he wants. I find this calming -- to have someone in charge sometimes. I think we work 50/ 50 -- I don't know how he would do the math.

We did bond over the death of the colleague who passed due to cancer. We did not directly speak about it, but we saw each other trying to get by during the million things we had to take care of like the service, . . .

Recently, I was surprised when something reminded me of the colleague and I had tears in my eyes when I checked with work buddy to see if the same surprise affected him. He nodded. I left and went back to my own office.

M.

Mari

I think you hit it on the nail. He is like family. You feel like
the big sis.

Donna

It sounds like you have a very fulfilling relationship with your work buddy...
It's 50/50, you allow him a level of control, he validates your feelings, and you encourage each other...
As Waves said, I also think you're feelings here are natural and understandable.

I think it's common for married people to have these feelings from time to time. As long as you're not acting on it, I see no harm.
I'd be careful about developing a more personal friendship tho.

p.s. It's not strange to me that other coworkers aren't recognizing the hard work you've done. Maybe jealousy, or fear of recognizing you will take something away from them.

these are things that my mom would say.

kay, you are sage for your years.

~ waves ~

I learned some things in hypnosis three years ago about how important it is for hubby and me to stay together.


Work buddy called me from the hospital around 8:00 pm to tell me a family member has a potentially devastating medical diagnosis and that he was going to "radio silence" -- no emails tonight.

We had spent an hour and a half on the phone earlier in the day on a project due Wednesday.

M.