Try as I may try as I might, I hav no normal sleep patterns. My mind starts working I can;t turn it off...anxiety. I think.,I replay situations, evn hold baby blanket and smell it deeply.

I saw my friend that is on a committee with me today, she is a psychirtrist and told me I look so tired so strained, that I am holding too much guilt. She suggested calling the PCP and getting an anti/anxiety med. I had my ativan for racing heart/anxiety, but she said it is only 2 hour life. She said that when my anxiety panic was high years ago when I was on the effexor I need to do this again to slow my mind down.

I only have 2 1/2 weeks to get back on my feet for work. I went to a Grief support group Tuesday, but gosh, I felt so bad for them and wanted to help them sort their problems too, One gal her Mom passed away and was a care giver to her Dad, she ahd to put him in an assisted living center, She said he Mom hid things, how she was a door mat for ehr dad....

I am telling her our parents grew up in a time that was what was expected, they would not leave, leave to go where? That was her home, she was the oldest and he the youngest, so they were codependant...me the sociologist trying to helpp ehr understand....While my oun troubles are eating me away.

I have no house work done, husband helps but YIKES it is getting bad. laundry is getting used from baskets, doing it as I need too....Finally outting sheets away from two weeks ago.

Bathrooms need serious cleaning, I WILL do it tonight! Even if not all of them, I will get the two upstairs done.

I deeply appreciate all the check in's I get, and hellos. They truely help me to know I am thought of and cared about...
Love you all,
Di
PS, I am afraid to try meds De took, Trazadone, Klonopin, serequol, lexpro....not sure what the doctor will perscribe. The paxil adn prozac gave me murderous night terrors.