oh I do like what blue car gal just said.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

today not looking good
 

i don't know if i'll be able to do anything today. this morning i was tired and the parent's were awake on and off anyway. they have now left but dad will be back shortly. if he sleeps.... we'll see.

also i was thinking of what music to use - for dancing purposes. half my youtube bookmarks have disappeared due to copyright overall or copyright "in my country." blast those people. :mad:

i looked through the small stack of CD's i kept out of the garage ... 4 years ago or whenever the heck i had to squish back in here. goodness knows what state i was in. hardly anything danceable. i can't even find Dreamboat Annie which i usually take everywhere... it's probably up here but unfindable... WAHHHHHHH. :Bawling: i should bring up the lot from downstairs but i don't have space unless i organize or get rid of some stuff... requires decisions i can't deal with.

sigh. ok this "program" is really not going as intended. i just want to sleep, and i CAN'T!!!

~ waves ~

I am sorry you were not able to find the music that you wanted. sympathize with you on the not being able to sleep when you want to/need to.
It sucks.....
Will there be quiet hours that you can utilize again, is that everyday?
bizi

I'm so sorry ~ waves ~ . I'm still trying to kick the Abilify & find sleep too. I'd takes it with snores even.

I found this in my "Drugs I Can Take without Committing Suicide" file:
The dog one anyway. The rose is just to say I hope you fall asleep & feel better soon:In-Lurve::hug:.

Dear Bizi
 

i was sooooooo tired today and sounds were too loud.

my nerves were jumpy after i had a cup of coffee, and dad came home and made normal noises in the kitchen but every little thing was setting me off. the sound of things being wrapped/unwrapped especially drives me up a wall - but today everything seemed louder than usual. it is evening now, after dinner, and i have gone for the earplugs. i can't use them all the time, but it will help mute the mom-washing-up clatter. i couldn't even stand the sound of cutlery at the table. :(

the good news: coffee or no coffee, i guess i was SOOOOO tired, that i actually slept (after dad stopped making noise, and retreated to his room). i slept like 4 hours - sort of interruptedly after mom came home because she ... is noisy. but i still kept falling back asleep.

other good news: i found Dreamboat Annie... in a "special" place where i kept just a few things when we had the painters in. the other few cd's went down to the garage along with bunches of stuff i had laying around, but not that one. :cool:

oh sure, quiet hours are in the afternoon and throughout the night. but my parents need to be out or dad needs to be asleep for me to be able to dance then. quiet hours are actually a nuisance because i have to use headphones (i.e. dance with a long tether), and i can't, in alternative, sing or play during that time. and they don't prevent outdoor noises like hedgetrimmers... :rolleyes: which bother the heck out of ME if just want to rest.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

glad that you got some sleep and found your cd!
bizi:hug:

Dear Waves, http://bestsmileys.com/dancing/6.gif

I commiserate with you. 'Sorry that your dancing to your music did not work out Friday.
Sending hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

thank you Bizi and Mari.

i slept again tonight, some, but am still restless and tired simultaneously. i had weird dreams and suppressed them immediately... could not deal.

Mari i love the belly dancer, thank you.

-------------------------------

unfortunately today's outlook isn't much better.

mom up at 7. then dad up at 9 - mom left but he is cooking. he is very linear about cooking, and in any case this is a dish which requires a long process. so my guess is he probably won't be done or will only barely be done, by the time mom returns. ERGO, no privacy window.

it's a wash perhaps because i don't know if i could do it anyway. i have had a REALLY REALLY bad time of things the past few days (d/t emotional whammy) and i am so sensitive to stimuli i am keeping earplugs in. i watched a half hour of stupiTV last night, with phones over earplugs to really block out the rest. i don't know if i could do loud music. :(

i am so restless. i feel like my spirit is crawling around in my body trying to get out. :(

~ waves ~

Could you get out of the house and walk/jog in the neighborhood?this would help with your restlessness/ You could wear those ear plugs so you would just have the visual distractions to deal with.
Some fresh air would also be good for you. What is your weather like today?
bizi

starting to feel desperate
 

i don't think so... the earplugs don't plug everything.
believe me screaming kids in the park are louder than what earplugs can plug.

i can't stand a lot of things. the cars going by will bug me. people going by. movement around me. even the light is too much - i have the shades partly drawn and even my parents have finally "got" i think from my bark-withdraw, bark-withdraw behavior that I AM A MESS so they didn't attempt to open them more than what little i did.

i want to go in a convent. only problem is i'd have to find one first - too hard.

a psych ward would still have too many uncontrollable stimuli, and i can't pay for a room, so i'd be in a ward with others..... waaaaaaay worse than at home.

i really want an "off" switch ... that i could somehow turn on again now and then to "check" if i'm ok enough yet.... sigh.

~ waves ~