I have an inservice that I am to give on wednesday...one of the homecare companies responded to my letter offering them an inservice. I finalized the date just this past wednesday. I have been procrastinating....I only have a few days to prepare...I actually have done this in the past like 8 years ago so I pulled out all of that material and it sounds so stupid. I am going to have to redo it all. Then I remembered while I was trying to sleep but kept ruminating about the inservice...that I had created a packet of material that will help me.....many years ago. So that will help me. I have a great fear of speaking in front of people, I should have been preparing for this when I first sent those letters 2 months ago....now I have less than a week. The DON asked me if there was a charge for my program,,,which means she thinks it will be substantial. I feel pressure, and anxiety.

I have been obsessing about money, yet forgot to do the check book, sigh

I had a dream last night that I was surrounded by these huge dangerous lizards and they kept multiplying they were threatening it was a scary dream and somehow it was my fault all of this happened.. In the end we were able to exterminate the lizards...and there was such a relief...but out of the corner of my eye I saw one last one crawl under the desk. but I caught it and killed it with my bare hands....I think this was an anxiety dream about conquering my fears.

last night as we were getting ready to go to our "downtown live" music concert, I knew that I was trying to save money so I did not want to buy any alcohol there so I impulsively drank almost 4 ounces of tequila, (shooting it) with out jeff knowing about it, secretly. Then had a cider that he knew about.
Not good. The music was fun lots of people turned out, had great pulled pork BBQ sandwiches.

there are other things that I won't go into here......

anyway..I need to work on my inservice and be productive today while jeff is fishing. At 6pm I am hoping to go to "Art walk" with a good friend of mine, we keep saying that we need to get together, I hope we do. She is very grounding for me, she even offered to help me practice my inservice.
bizi

Dear Bizi

i can understand your being so anxious about the inservice since it has been so long. however, i think in a week, reviewing your prep material, and perhaps doing a practice run on Jeff or something, or with the mirror if you don't need a person, that will help... like for a speech, you know. i really believe you will be fine when it comes to it and you will come off great. you know what you practice well, because you practice it... so things will roll off your tongue. if you think the anxiety will interfere with performance, maybe take a little klonopin before.

sounds like great insight on the dream. big lizards... reptilian brain, primal instinct, fight-or-flight response. Bizi, you killed your amygdala! But the positive thing about the dream is though, that with all these giant sized fears, and even fleeting ones at the end... you were able to get them under control.

the secret alcohol binge could be part of this phase of heightened stress you are going through. i don't know. try to be self-aware. and keep making sure you take that geodon with food!

i hope you get together with your friend. it will be good for you and that's great that you already have a "test audience" in her!

hang in there sweetie!!!

love you.

~ waves ~

I can totally understand why you are anxious about speaking.

I have the same problem.

I have a couple of workshops coming up soon and need to prepare.

But go ahead and do the inservice for your friend.

Donna

I was productive today...wrote up a 7 page(16 font) foot care inservice. all I have left is writing the part about the states requirements and levels of care and how they probably should not be cutting their patients toe nails...
they should let me do that!
I did not go to art walk with my girl friend she backed out. but when jeff came home he reminded me of the birthday party for his colleague. We went and it was alot of fun. I am on my second cider and it is very good. Back home checking up on face book and forums before we watch another episode of Lost
bizi

Dear Bizi,
You accomplished a great deal.
Enjoy your evening.

M

thank you mari!
I finished the inservice, took me 3 additional hours to finish the last part. and proof read everything....I am glad that this part is behind me. Jeff went to bed, we never watched lost, I need to go to bed but am all worked up. It will take awhile for my meds to kick in. My face has been breaking out again...I was on anti biotics for 2 months and that keep my face clear. now that I have been off of them I started to have out breaks. my poor nose on the left side has about 4 pimples and I have been picking at them...they look terrible.
sigh
bizi

that's right Donna, thank you. i looked back since you said, to check, and found it - right at the top of the first post in the thread...

sigh. i go between writing detailed posts on all kindsa stuff and not thinking to look back one page or not knowing or whatever.

thank you for reading my posts! I appreciate your input and compliments. i am back to posting on this terribly painful computer so will cut this short, car being fixed today plenty of time to read thru my presentation.
bizi

Waves

The difference I just happened to remember. You see details to right
about how to improve things.

That is good to me even more.

donna

my rosacea is flared up, have to go see the dermatologist again.
and it doesn't help that I have been picking....
sigh~
I look terrible and am embarrassed...and now I am going to have to slather on make up to give my in-service.....

why can't i just leave my face the ffudge alone ....
bizi