Oh no...where did my reply go? I replied last night. I came thru the withdrawl pretty good. I do not feel like I need the pills anymore.
The prob now is this depression...I am in a depression mode...I am thinking it may be due to the hot weather...the change from summer to fall. It is supposed to be fall in fall...not 87 degrees. Today is rainy. I can't get out of this slump. It started Saturday. I have been fantasizig about suicide. I won't do it because of my kids..I don't care if i ruin my life, but I refuse to ruin my kids life..I do have the strength for that.
Ugh...this is a hard day.
This is a hard day.
Too hard.
I think I need a hosp...I don't have anyone to watch the kids if I go there. Maybe..I will check.

I was addicted to pain meds after a year on them and then cervical spine surgery. When I tried to get off it also triggered a depression. I went into a facility and the doc that was doing my bloodwork (at night) explained that he had been arrested for illegally prescribing the pain meds for himself. Part of (or all of) his sentence was working in the facility with folks like us. He said he knew all about them yet they still lured him down that road.

But yes, you want to get off those things as soon as you can. Depression can come on because your brain gets used to that wonderful fake dopamine that the pain meds supply..and sorta forgets how to create it's own. We need our dopamine :D, the dopamine is the chemical in your brain that gives you the feeling of well-being. You may need something to get you past the depression.

Dear CBlue,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts, but it is good to hear that you are seeking the care that you need. You are doing the right thing to go inpatient if things are this bad.

Please check in with your pdoc and therapist. I am sure there if you do not have a friend who can look after the kids there are arrangements that can be made for situations such as yours.

Well done on the withdrawal! I am glad you do not have cravings! I hope your weather cools down for you soon too.

((((hugs))))

~ waves ~

dear cblue,
You are doing the right thing talking about your feelings that is what this forum is great for. we are hear to listen but we can only do so much. please look into all of your options, see if you can get some help. call your therapist if you can, let them know that you are having suicidal thoughts.
Curly dog is right, it is the drug withdrawl that has happened to you.
It is not your fault, you are trying to get better. you are doing this, take a day as it comes along.
we are here, and offer you a hug tonight.
((((((HUG)))))
bizi:grouphug:

Please, call your doctor and have work with you on finding a solution to this problem. Because if you can’t find one, you might let it over whelm you. And when that happens you can’t always do anything about it. There is a option were the sometimes if family can’t be located to help with children, they recommend calling in the government. And honestly better so you can get help And take back over wit the children.

Sorry, some of my words, may not make sense. My spell c eck wont let me use just w at I want.

t anks.
Donna:grouphug::hug:

Hi,

Yes, do check so that you can go to the hospital when / if you need. More than anything else, your children need their mother to be well.

M

Hi everyone. I am in the same boat again. I took a months worth of vicoden in half a month. I am screwed.

Hi CBlue,

sorry to hear this. :( how did you get the vicodin?

i personally feel you need to make arrangements to go inpatient for this.

not to knock your successes. on the contrary, the fact you have been able to stop for periods on your own is much to your credit, and will help you succeed in any program you choose.

please talk to your therapist and pdoc about the current situation. they are your first line helpers.

do you want to tell us more about your experience here? tell us what happened? try not to feel too bad about this, or about needing help.

there is also a specific forum here at Neurotalk for these topics, but it is not as active as this one. however, you might find it helpful to read there. the stickies at the top might give useful resources too... here is the link to that forum:

Alcoholism, Addiction and Recovery (includes substance abuse)

i am sorry this happened. but as bizi's sig used to say... "fall down seven times, get up eight." ;)

stay with it. you will get through.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Dear Cblue,

Making a plan to get better and than falling off the plan happens. Do not be upset with yourself.

You need a support team to help you be successful with your efforts to get well. Get everyone on board with a new plan: pdoc, tdoc, and so on.

If they recommend an in-patient stay, do what they say.

M

hugs to you cblue, we are here, we don't judge you, thanks for coming and trusting us to post back.
take care of yourself. get better.
((((HUGS))))
bizi