I was diagnosed bipolar almost 4 years back. But that wasn't my main problem, it was the fear and anxiety and the stigma associated with it. My selfesteem has been constantly on the downhill ever since and my fear of social situations (in a closed work area, or just a walk ) has increased tremendously. I fear that someone will come and try to pick a fight or just belittle me for no reason.
I was on klonopin and serequel for the first year after my diagnosis but then i quit. I did not go to any therapist after that , thinking it will not help and my faith and change of lifestyle should help me overcome this. But i havent been motivated enough to change, maybe its the depression or the negativity in me holding me back.
I have lost interest in a lot of things and I thought reading might help, but it didnt as i feel like i should be reading to get knowledge that will help with my future career but I am unable to decide on where i should be heading to now, as i percieve my old work environment as hostile now, and feel that I have to fight to make room for me at work. I havent done much financially constructive things in the last 2 years and I now I think I am having a lot of focus issues now and am really worried about dementia.
Is there hope for someone who thinks he has wasted the last few years doing nothing but clinging to past ? How do I get out of this vicious cycle of blame and depression and negativity?