Usually I am the one with unhealthy expectations of myself. But how do I educate others about my mental health issues? Just because I don't look sick, the people I work with don't get it that I am not well right now.

I was given a 3 month project that had to be done in 4 days. I got it done. And was then told they needed an extra month tacked on to that. All the while I was training a new secretary for the other office and doing my normal work load. I have been working from 7 am to 11 pm, taking just enough time to cook for my family and run little errands here and there.

I just had a nervous breakdown, psycotic episode, manic episode, call it what you will, 2 weeks ago. The worst one for me so far. And I am still adjusting to the new meds and am still in a pretty bad fibro flair and taking care of sick kids.

How do I tell these people I work for that they are going to put me in the hospital? I was going to bring the new project home with me to work on this weekend, but they ****** me off.

I have to remind my family too. But they get it and just feel bad that I had to say anything. My friend started pushing the PTSD button the other night because she thought I needed it. GOD I love her, but sheesh. I had to remind her I was still shaky and she told me she forgot.

I am trying to let people know I am not my usual self. To tell them I am sick. They aren't getting it. (or they don't want to.)

Should I take a week off and let them all fend for themselves? Maybe they would get it then? I keep telling people to just fire me if they don't like it. And nobody will. LOL and the owner won't even talk to me right now, he makes everybody else tell me what he wants me to do.

I don't know what to do, but the freak out is just under the surface still and I am struggling to keep it under control.

Help. Suggestions?

Oh, and did anybody else get this sickly, sweet taste in your mouth from lithium? Wes did and his never went away. I am really getting annoyed with it. Do you just get used to it or will it stop? It's not the end of the world, but it's REALLY annoying.

I wish I knew what to tell you Mrs. Bear, but I don't. I know that some people just do not get it that you can have problems and not LOOK sick but really are. I am sorry that work is being so hard on you, they really shouldn't expect you to do 3 months of work in a 4 day period. That is just unrealistic! I wish you the best of luck dealing with your employer, I would be just as frustrated as you are if I was in your position.

((((hugs)))) to you and your sick little ones. I wish I could help more then just being here for you to talk to, but I know I am not the only one here for you to talk to so hopefully having us around helps even if it's just a little bit...

Dear Mrs. Bear,

Oh dear, you need a good excuse.

What's wrong with them?

Sorry that you are going through this.

Everyonce in a while I provide a demonstration.

I don't remember anythiing about the taste in the mouth regarding Lithium. I didn't much like the med but the taste was ok.

Mrs. Bear, you will find a way to make your life fit you. You don't have to fit it.

M.

Mrs. Bear,

I don't know what to suggest to you as I have not been in the work force in such a long time. I do know though that you won't be good to anyone if your not taken care of 1st. If you can sit down and write down your options to your situation, pros and cons, you may be able to make a decision of what you'd like to do. Also, talking about the pros and cons to others can help.

I never remember a lithium taste either but it's been years since I was on it.

befuddled2

the easy part first..i never had a weird taste from lithium
the hard part...when I was a child psychologist I was overworked and told them to cut down on my work load...they didn't. my resistence kept getting lower and lower and when kids came in with the flu etc I would catch them. finally i was absent so much they had the audacity to tell me that they would rather me be there than at home sick so they cut my work load. All my talk and sabotaging myself by keeping up with the work when I was there did nothing to remediate the situation. The only thing that worked were absences.
It was that simple. That is what I am recommending to you. Later in life my mother was pushing and pushing me (my father had a stroke and they still lived in connecticut while I lived in New York) and my job was hideous and my bosses kept on pushing and pushing me although finally moved me from a noisy and cold air conditioner where I started to get frequent sinus infections and started being absent...then I finally just broke down totally and couldn't find the where withall to keep it together and quit the job which at that point I couldn't do anyways...I was too burnt out...and was NEVER ABLE TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER TO GET ANOTHER JOB...
DON'T PUSH YOURSELF TO WHERE I PUSHED MYSELF -THE RECOVERY IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE..unlike me you also have children. If I were you I would find a doctor who would agree that you definitely need to go on disability.
Disability isn't welfare but insurance that you have been paying for. You finally have a chance to heal from your childhood-I almost wrote a freudian slip-childhold-YOU NEED TO ALLEVIATE AS MUCH STRESS IN YOUR LIFE AS POSSIBLE even if it means less money to spend. Disability entitles you to medicare...your iron superego has got to go and it is past time that you learn to start nurturing yourself. Your childhood was stolen...you can't recapture that but you certainly can have a very rich adulthood....more rich than most people. I believe being bipolar makes us better people...we tend to be more appreciative, more empathetic and truly value what is important and discard what is superficial. Geez, if you go on disability maybe you can get yourself a puppy or two....
well I certainly talked myself into your going on disability...can you afford to go on disability? Geez...what a rambling post
Bobby

this is a great idea!
yes!!!!!
bizi

Dear Bobby,

I appreciate reading your reminders and your words of wisdom. Thanks.
I wish you felt better.

M

oh Bobi, Thank you! Knowing that you are having such a hard time right now, and that you took the time to help me......you are a goddess. I wish I had something to give back, but you have my love and respect, always. I have thought long and hard since I first read your reply.

Not yet. Disability is very hard to manuever in my state. There are so many kids here with disabilities. I have the thought planted in my mind though.

Waves wrote about kindeling in another post a week or two ago. I need to watch myself this time of year and prepare before hand.

I am at work, but I am here, mainly, to talk about some time off. I adore my manager. We share the same birthday and sometimes we don't even need to speak to communicate. And he has his wife come in when she isn't taking care of family to help me.

He will understand, even if our boss won't/can't.

All I want to do is clean my house and play in my garden.

I wish the meds would work faster. I am still manic and my body is starting to hate me. I can't stop "doing" moving, and I can't get to sleep very well. Even with the valum. sigh.

This too shall pass. (I am looking at the local job boards. There has to be something that pays well and is less stressful. Even if there isn't, flipping burgers at burger king can't be all that stressfull.)

befuddled, Mari, bizi, Pamster: Thank you all for your kindness (and commiseration.) I appreciate you all so much for letting me scream and letting me know it's ok to scream about all of this.

Again, I am so sorry that you all know what I am talking about and how this feels. But I am also greatful. I need you guys.

Hang in there, we are all here for you.

As far as the PTSD, mine had popped back into my life , I guess because of the mace incident. Need to be back on my guard. I was just feeling real relaxed and safe.

So, I know how you feel. I think taking a week off to play is a good idea, plus it will be more time for your meds to kick in.

Take it easy...thinking of you. Nikko

Yes....my expections of myself drove me crazy too. So much so that I am now disabled. So, please take care of yourself.