This Night,

As I try to drift to a place,
I’ve not been in such along time.
The plague that has consumes my
body and soul, is winning again.
Slowly start’s it’s advance,
I know in a short time, I will be
in another fight, for my night.

As I try to slide from the bed.
The sheet tears at me,
trying to pull me back down.

I glance at my wife, wishing.
Praying I could lie by her side.
All I want is to hold her.
Let her know I’m a man again.
Years of disappointments.

Lifting my body from our lair,
pain consumes me once again,
Where do I turn?

My daughter, thoughts go rushing
back to her, curled in my lap on the
eve of night. No more.

The intense sounds of my sons
football games, in the summer of his
youth. Stands swaying, the crack
of helmets and bodies flying,
drove piercing pain thru my
body.

But I was there.

Pain, depression torments my soul,
leading me deeper down, to a place
I’ve been to so many times before.

Tonight, I lost.

Tomorrow I will fight again,

M.

Hi,
You write eloquently.
I hear you.

Thanks for the poem.
Mari

I relate so well to the exhaustion...I don't know how many people think i am just lazy. You do write eloquently. Does that exhaust you too or is there a strong force still within you that needs expression? Your skills of communication are so powerful and as Mari says so eloquent.
My intuition says eventually you will get to a much better place with the help of the right medications. Right now you need to be without stress of any kind and just try to take care of yourself as best you can without feeling lazy or selfish. You have a very full plate. Recovery happens so slowly....but it happens....
I will reread your posts. Keep on opening up...We care and are so glad you found this forum.
Bobby

Dera Mark,
I too hear your pain...and am saddened to hear of your long time suffering.
Have you found the chronic pain forum here yet?
these folks understand completely what you are going thru.
I can't even imagine this...sounds horrible.
thank you for sharing your poem and your self.
((((HUGS))))
bizi