[shelly]

thank you for the warm welcome. i've slept and i feel better. missed some meds some because samples from doc and some because of money. so i did a lot of thinknig last nigh and realized i still have alot of issues i need to deal with as far as accepting bipolar dx. sometimes the manic times i feel overly fine thoughts racing and feelings put in the back part of my mind. and when i am down like yesterday i feel what i havn't been feling for weeks or days like pent up emotions. and then they just all come out at once. my poor husband dosn't know if i am comming or going sometimes. do any of you experience parrinoia (sp)? with bipolar? i worry about my husband with out warrent i think i project my worst behaviors and fears on him. like he might be as shallow as i am. when i know he's not. he just works all the time and i miss him. he works toafford everything for me and the girls my three daughters. he's a great guy grew up in an alchohlic home and never would leave even if the worst would happen between us. wow ok personal. but yet i still worry. paranoia will destroy you. shoud probably see my new therapist sometime soon. i put her off. like i can fix my self. i almost have a psyc degree. i am my own worst enamy (sp)?. when i am down i love to write though the one thing that purges my soul. i am usually more up than down like i said manic. i love to shop. even if we don't have much it helps me feel better? anyone else? well i am 32 on many meds like i said. off and on. most of my problem. married 11 yrs this april 20th. to a wonderful man. i had surg in feb and he took 1 month off work to stay home and take care of me. sweet! i ahve thre girls ages 5-10. my youngest is just about to start grade k. my oldest is in fourth grade. my mid is in 1st grade. well enough for now have a great day-shelly