My sister's bi-polar was manifested as she was in college. Not exactly
sure how long she had been in school. But she is very bright.

And was about to finish and head on to graduate school.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

Thank you for sharing mari, that must have been so hurtful....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bizi,

His leaving me worked out in the long run. He was not the right guy for me.

M

on set
 

Donna,

How is your sister doing now? I hope that she is well.

M

My sister just celebrated her 5 wedding anniversary. And is married to
a fellow bi-polar. They both have to really work to keep their meds in
line. They run the local NAMI chapter in Kokomo. And they foster children.

They have 4 right now, and will hopefully have all 4 I believe at christmas.
Just celebrated the 16th birthday of one of them. They want very much
to adopt but haven't been able to.

They do pretty good as long as the meds stay stable. And we are lucky our
family is very supportive. My mom and a sister is always available if my
sister feels the need to go to the hospital for some reason.

Which has happened in the past. So she will get a ride if necessary.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

I'm so sorry about that Mari. I sending Hugs,and Love. BF:hug::hug::hug:

me too. I'm glad that it worked out for the long run though. :Heart:

I'm definitely seeing a pattern here. 20's, smart, ...
:Heart:

Wow, they must be B-U-S-Y!!!! I admire that they are able to juggle all of those responsibilities. I wonder sometimes how big a difference family support can make. :Heart:

onset at 17
 

i had a prolonged hypomania (or mild mania) at 17 when i was sophomore in college (young due to changed school systems, good grades). then at 18 i had the longest and weirdest manic episode probably in my life. i only had a mild depression/anxiety in between.

i graduated but decided to go back to a different university to study CS (a practical field). at 20 the first of several long and crippling depressions hit. i got the BS by the skin of my teeth leaving a trail of regret for a couple of classes i know i would have enjoyed if i could have got myself to them, and a host exasperated and bewildered professors who seeing my ability, were kind enough to give me help and second chances... with inexplicably absent results.

subsequently i worked and managed to run the gauntlet between highs and lows until around age 30 when i had a terrible crash, saw a therapist who sent me to a pdoc who finally dx'd and treated me.

i knew what manic depression and bipolar was but it had never occurred to me that i had it... until i read a couple of books by Kay Redfield Jamison... esp. An Unquiet Mind...

~ waves ~

Waves. I also had a terrible combination of devastating emotions when I was 29,or 30. They sent me to the psych ward in a regular hospital. When I got there they took me off of all my medications cold turkey,and thought that they would treat me in a different way. What part of taking the Valium,Ativan class of meds for 10 years did they not understand.

I couldn't sleep for a couple of nights,and then I had a seizure. What part of withdrawals did they not understand. They put me right back on my medication. I liked the patients,but the staff didn't know what they where doing with me. This was one of many horrible experiences in my life that I can't undo. It was just a horribly painful experience that I had with no closure. I found those records in micro-file tapes from the medical records department at that hospital recently.

I don't recommend a hospital psych ward to anyone. ANYONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would recommend a Social Services Wellness Center. I had a good experience at one of these a couple of years ago.
BF:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::hug::hug::hug:

Butterfly
 

Good morning Butterfly,I was not on line all weekend and was just reading all the new posts,my Bi-polar started for my as a young child do to things that happend to me from a very young age,but got much werse after the birth of my first child at 16,that is also when my first husband started to fisacaly abusive,I hope that you had a nice weekend have a grate day:hug::hug:

thank you everyone for sharing your experiences :Heart: We are all different, yet the same. We have had different experiences yet arrived at the same place.

waves, BF, and katmae - I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could undo it. :Heart:

I can't believe you had seizure because of their incompetence! That is beyond careless, that is ... malpractice if you ask me. That must have been a scary & frightening time. I know I'd be scared if someone took me off my meds and then I had a seizure on top of that? Don't know what I'd do. Glad you made it through somehow and that now you have found a safe place to go. :Heart:

I am so happy for you that you were able to get your BS. That's wonderful!

How unfortunate though that you weren't diagnosed and treated until your 30's. Those must have been some long years for you.

I had heard of bipolar, too, before my diagnosis but I didn't know what it was & surely didn't think I had it. I just put that book you recommended in my Amazon Wishlist. :Heart:

I am so sorry for the things you have been through! Just by talking with you I can tell you are a very strong person. :Heart:

Steve,
I am sorry that you have gone through so much.


Steve and Butterfly,

I worry about being on benzos and being in a wild, hard to plan situation where I cannot be on my medications.
It is frightening so I try not to think about it.


I do try to keep myself someone stable and somewhat organized (renewing the medications on time, keeping my appointments, staying out of jail, and such). I also do not like to travel because I am not around my stuff and my routine and I cannot predict what is going on.
(maybe today is a bad day. . . . not sure. . . .)
M

hello
 

dear butterfly, thank you for your good thoughts:hug::hug:

Me too. I've been on Xanax for 8 years and don't know what would happen if I ever couldn't refill it. :Heart:

I'm the exact same way. My husband would like to travel more but I can't handle it. I don't much care for being away from home. This is my security. It is my reset each night. If I'm not here, it's like my brain can't reset properly. :Heart:

I sympathize with your concern butterfly. You can form a emergency supply. Get your refills a day early over a period of months. When you get up to 60,you have a emergency supply. It's also good to have a emergency supply in case of a national emergency of some kind. You could take half tablets,for 2 weeks,to make them last,while you find a new doctor if your current doctor suddenly took you off of them. I don't think that they do this anymore because you can sue them.

At one time I though that I would ween myself off of Xanax. I was taking the smallest dose four times a day. I got to the point where I was just about off of it,over a long period of time. Then I had a relapse of major anxiety. I stopped working,and moved back in with my parents for about six months till I stabilized.

Then medicated with Xanax,I moved back into my apartment,and went back to work. Then my pdoc put me on Luvox also,and that helped me also with the Xanax,and my OCD,and panic disorder was getting better.

For me,being medicated for these conditions is a must,or I could expect what happened to me before to happen again. How could there be a different outcome? This is my experience.

I hope this is helpful. I don't want to scare anyone. This has been my experience. I have been through other bad experiences before this. BF:hug::hug::hug:

you have been thru a lot steve.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hello
 

Good morning butterfly,I hope that this finds you feeling better,have a grate day:hug::hug:

Seve, :heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:

Three times I tried to take myself off Xanax. It was a disaster. Thank goodness I checked with my pdoc before I got to far into my "taper" plan. For the first three days of his plan, he had me take more than my original dose and then he put me back on the plan that I was supposed to be on.

Six months later I asked him to help me get off Xanax. He gave me extra Klonopin (the equivalent of Xanax he said) and told me to stop taking Xanax. Ten days to 14 days after that my body was going through its own detox from the Xanax. I felt awful. An acupuncturist helped me. I was o.k. shortly after the Xanax was finished getting out of my system.

Today, I remembered to renew my medications this month. Your post helped remind me to try to do it a little early each month so I can always keep at least a one month extra supply.

M

Butterfly,

Ask you pharmacy about their policy.
Depending on the medication, some pharmacies will give you a three days supply or so if there is an emergency while you wait for the pdoc or drug company or whatever.
It is good to inform yourself and know if this is ever an option.


M

you can get them refilled 3 days early... I do this or try to.
bizi

meds
 

I'm on auto refill because I have a habbit of forgetting to refill,I do hope that you can get some help with your meds.try to have a good day:grouphug::hug:

I hope that I didn't freak anyone out about doctors,and medications.

I've been through some very rare,and unfortunate treatment. BF:hug::hug::hug:

you are fine steve.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Steve this is very helpful!! I am always late getting my stuff filled because I'm not that great of keeping track of stuff. My oldest daughter has a health condition that requires her to get a hormone injection at the doctor's office every 28 days and between ordering it each month, coordinating delivery (it comes refrigerated), dealing with the insurance company, etc. it just is a lot to keep straight. She also has to do bloodwork every 3 months & a bone scan every 6 months. It's nothing serious, just complications from not receiving adequate nutrition from in-utero until 10 months old when we she came home to us (we adopted her). Anyway, my stuff seems to get my brain's left-overs. I tried to put it on auto refill but the pharmacy told me that Xanax couldn't be put on auto refill. Well I'm going to try to start doing what ya'll are saying, getting it refilled a couple days early is a smart thing to do. :Heart:

It was a disaster for me, too, Mari. I went against pdoc's advice and went off all psych meds when I found out I was pregnant. A short time into the pregnancy I was convinced that my baby was going to be stillborn. I wouldn't let anybody throw me a baby shower. I was so convinced that I had had this premonition. My poor grandmother, she was so worried that I was right. After my son was born I wouldn't let anybody wear their shoes in my house or touch him unless I had seen them wash their hands. I bought at $200 baby camera at Toys R Us that I put in the crib. The receiver is like a miniature TV. I would sit there for hours and watch to make sure his chest was going up & down. I had had had another premonition that he was going to die from SIDS. It just kept replaying over and over in my mind that I was going to walk in his room and he'd be blue. It was too the point to where when I'd go to get him up from a nap I would freeze at the door. I would have to talk myself through breathing and that I could turn the knob and open the door. I'd open it real slow and every single time I was so relieved that he was alive. I can't explain it. I was not well. :shudder:

I am so grateful for threads like this and you wonderful friends. Just thinking back and remembering how I am off my meds and typing it out has reminded me how grateful I am for them. I get aggravated sometimes because my left hand tremors sometimes, but that's much easier to deal with than unmedicated me. :Heart:

Butterfly Oh me. That sounded like a horrible phobia. I'm send gentle hugs,and love your way. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I have cameras looking on the outside of my house/apartment. I have the shades drawn,and the curtains closed,and the cameras in place. At one time,it was like a security center in here. I also had a pan/tilt/zoom camera at a high strategic point in which I could observe most everything around the house that would be coming this way. I could zoom the camera in on something about a mile away. The receiver of the camera went into a TV set,and I moved the camera with a remote control. I live deep in a rural area. I monitored traffic activity,and etc. I probable sound like a nut,but this helped me to feel secure. I even helped the Police with it. One night I witnessed a crime with it which helped the police track,and arrest the people who committed the crime. I had the weather proof PTZ camera mounted on a outside TV antenna. They where all of my ideas. The camera lasted for four years. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Wow BF - that is so cool that you were able to help police. Besides you feeling safer, good came out of it in that it helped catch a criminal! No, you don't sound like a nut. If I had the know how I would have probably done something like that a long time ago. Stuff like that makes me feel secure, too. I feel like if I can see, then it's better. I once had my husband buy this buzzer thing that had two units, it shot some invisible beam and when something passed in between it buzzed to the unit plugged in my kitchen. I had it at the entrance of my carport. It didn't take long for my husband to do away with it though b/c it got annoying. It would buzz if my neighbor's cat walked by, if it was windy, and at times for no reason. Then I would worry maybe someone was under the carport and we just weren't seeing them. :Heart:

Meds
 

I went off all meds when I was preganet too because I was so worrie about the sideeffects on the babys,the way my apartment sets I can see anything that even inters the complex but still lock myself in. hope you have a nice evening:hug::hug:

rats! just today I found out that my pharmacy will no longer fill my meds earlier like they used to. only filled on day 30 from now on. So much for my advice. my pdoc gave permission to fill early since we are leaving on vacation.
bizi

crazy stuff... where is our freedom going...
 

things are getting restricted... i'm not talking just meds... general statement here, take it as broad as you like....

everywhere it seems. here, there.

we are all supposedly living in "free" countries, where you can say what you want, do what you want, etc, within reason, long as you don't hurt anybody, basically. i mean, we are not talking fascist regimes or martial laws and stuff.

and yet, here, the govt is hammering restrictions left and right on everything... some with good reason, some with crazy reason... a lot that leave people in the lurch.

we are affected with additional bureaucracy for meds also... i'm lucky i can still fill my benzo scripts w/o the kind of scrutiny i am hearing about... but i wonder how long it will last, honestly. other meds i cannot even get without a whole cascade of paperwork, formal authorization with specific dosage and period of use, to be filed in triplicate, and then mdoc can write the scripts..... if i need the stuff in a hurry... there's no way.

i find it all so frustrating. i mean if you plan a trip you have some time to take care of stuff ahead, but sometimes like recently a friend had to leave travel due to a family emergency like take the first flight available... throw some clothes in a bag and go to the airport ... no time for med-pre approvals and pickups etc etc. it is sad.

i don't knwo why it is getting like this everywhere. i personally feel like i am living under martial law by some aspects - even though the military is not involved... just the rigor that is being imposed on some aspects of life is getting so extreme. it seems even our privacy will vanish soon. i almost expect that soon they will have means of knowing how much toilet paper i consume per day :eek:.... ok that is an exaggeration :D, but just sayin. :mad::cool::rolleyes:

sorry if i've gone way off topic in this thread i'm not even caught up.... :o

~ waves ~

I had three motion detectors also. They are useful in certain situations,but they can be annoying too. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Waves I know what you mean. I feel the grip of big brother tightening his hand,and fingers around me. I'm on these watch dog email lists,and I'm signing petitions all of the time now. There are many things that I see in play now that are just plain not the governments business,and it's happening so fast. They are using 9/11 to keep track of everyone,and they are abusing their offices. What are they thinking? Is this the new world order coming into being? I don't like it. I've learned to much for my own good,and it bothers me. As time goes by,things seem to be getting more intense. BF:hug::hug::hug:

agree
 

I agree with you it's pretty bad when you have to show ID just to bye cough med.:hug: