I know what you mean about what could have been. I think back to high school sometimes and wonder what would have happened to that girl if she hadn't gotten bipolar disorder. I had so much potential and then whammo.

On a positive note, we are all contributing to each other's lives here, and that is important.

Hi,

I wish I had insight to offer.
I do congratulate you for your skills, strength, and patience in following through.

Mari

Butterfly,

We cross posted.
'Hoping you can embrace the hope you have and continue to let it lead you.

M

being a mom is one of the toughest jobs there is....I am glad that you are feeling a little better.
bizi

The same thing happened to me. In my second year of college,whammo. I don't know what happened,but I lost my self to high anxiety. I ended up in a Mental Hospital for a couple of weeks. It wasn't a bad hospital. They didn't do anything against my will. It was like a time of rest. It wasn't like a Psych Ward experience, like I had down the road from this. A Psych Ward is a horrible place. A Wellness Center experience like I had 2 years ago was alright. I was able to talk on their computer to Mari,and other people on Neurotalk. BF

Wow BF, my bipolar manifested at it's worst during my second year of college too, and then during my third year I lost my scholarship and dropped out. I was a microbiology major. In high school I was quite sociable, friendly, funny, and involved in all sorts of clubs, math club, marching band, etc. Senior year I was class treasurer and I graduated on stage b/c academically I was in the top 1% of my class. I was voted by our student body as "Most Likely to Succeed". It is in my yearbook for all posterity. I was so proud back then but today thinking about it adds to my depression. I haven't been back to a single class reunion in fear they would remember, expecting me to be this fantabulous research scientist by now and have to tell them I never finished college and that I'm a stay at home mom. :sigh: I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it makes me feel embarrassed. Thinking back it's like I'm a different person from her. She was so happy and so... together. I fall apart at the slightest thing these days and can't handle stress like I used to. It is so hard to even look people in the eye when I talk to them. I feel so socially awkward, even though I read a book about social anxiety and did the exercises. It's like I've lost the ability to make small talk. But I know it wasn't always this way and it's so frustrating!!!!!

I'm glad you had a good experience at the Wellness Center. Having internet access would make me feel not so trapped & isolated.

I wonder why this happened to us. My mother had emotional problems,and dropped out of college also. She didn't admit that the problem was Mental Health Issues. She said that she lost her voice. When I was growing up,I noticed that she lost her voice when she was upset. She was troubled about something.

This bipolar illness isn't fair. I was headed toward being in the science major field,but my mental health derailed all of that. I was gaining anxiety problems in High School though. I had evidence of having OCD when I was about 5,or 6.

I love science. My first love in science was collecting butterflies,and moths. Then I became interested in the weather. Then I became interested in astronomy,then it branched out into the whole earth sciences,and space science.

I too get embarrassed way to much. I found a High School friend on facebook who was a good friend,and I haven't gotten in touch with him because I didn't have a career. I'd be embarrassed to say that I worked in Supermarket work,and that I wasn't working right now. I haven't been to any of my High School reunions either because they would ask me what I've done in my life,and am I married. I never married. I'm straight,and I'm normal. I just couldn't handle the responsibility of marriage. I came close to getting married,but we wondered about my mental health conditions,and she married someone else. That hurt.

That's always been a conversation stopper. No career,and not married. Then I wouldn't know what to say unless I rapidly changed the subject. Oh this has been a painful,and embarrassing situation,on top of the mental health issues.
BF

Thank you for sharing BF. It makes me feel not so alone in this. I'm so sorry for the hurts you've had. This illness is very unfair.

For the most part the people that were in my unit at the psych hospital, fellow bipolar people, seemed to have a heart of gold, same as the people here. We were in varying states of functioning abilities, but we were all doing our best to put our lives together. No fellow patient was rude or mean to me. I think bizi was right when she posted that list of positive things about sensitive people. We are good people.

you are a good woman butterfly and you are too steve...we all are.
bizi

Hi, Steve and Butterfly,


My bipolar manifested itself after college. I was 25 and in graduate school and getting a divorce because my husband had found someone else and announced he was leaving.

I was perfectly fine at one point. And then at another point, I wasn't. I went to therapy for depression due to the divorce. After six months the pdoc referred me to a pdoc. The pdoc gave me lithium.

M