It was a disaster for me, too, Mari. I went against pdoc's advice and went off all psych meds when I found out I was pregnant. A short time into the pregnancy I was convinced that my baby was going to be stillborn. I wouldn't let anybody throw me a baby shower. I was so convinced that I had had this premonition. My poor grandmother, she was so worried that I was right. After my son was born I wouldn't let anybody wear their shoes in my house or touch him unless I had seen them wash their hands. I bought at $200 baby camera at Toys R Us that I put in the crib. The receiver is like a miniature TV. I would sit there for hours and watch to make sure his chest was going up & down. I had had had another premonition that he was going to die from SIDS. It just kept replaying over and over in my mind that I was going to walk in his room and he'd be blue. It was too the point to where when I'd go to get him up from a nap I would freeze at the door. I would have to talk myself through breathing and that I could turn the knob and open the door. I'd open it real slow and every single time I was so relieved that he was alive. I can't explain it. I was not well. :shudder:

I am so grateful for threads like this and you wonderful friends. Just thinking back and remembering how I am off my meds and typing it out has reminded me how grateful I am for them. I get aggravated sometimes because my left hand tremors sometimes, but that's much easier to deal with than unmedicated me.