This is a continuation of my post from yesterday.

We are giving my cat an appetite stimulant. We dissolve it in a little milk and use a syringe to squirt it back in her mouth. She is not happy with this treatment. I hold her, controlling her feet while my H gives her the med. Last night I lost control of her front paws and he got a gouge out of his wrist from her claws. I also lost control of her back foot and I have a 6 inch scratch on my wrist. Neither one of us was badly hurt but I cried and cried. Finally I took a xanax my pdoc gave me 5 years ago for some other situation. It helped.

I feel so weak having to relying on meds to keep me calm. I know plenty of other people who handle life's crises without pills. Why can't I?

I also do not understand why I am so emotional over a cat. I work in long term care (I am not a nurse) and am intimately involved in the day to day care of our patients. I have numerous people who are adult failure to thrive, which is what I believe my cat is, and I treat them calmly and compassionately. I also have the hospice patients who I work very hard to keep comfortable and serene until the end. They do not bother me either. I guess it is because I am not emotionally involved with the patients like I am with my cat.

I am just heartbroken. Once I start crying I find it very hard to stop. I just want to hold her and hold her and never let her go. What would I be like if I had children. God knew what he was doing when he had His hand in our deciding to remain childless.

I found one way of dealing with the sadness. If I think about going and adopting another cat and getting to know and love it I feel better. I also feel guilty. Here I am trying to save my cat and at the same time I have her dead and buried and I am replacing her. What is wrong with me?

Thank you all for your earlier responses. Usually people ignore my posts so I was reluctant to post this time. I visit this forum often and knew this group would be great.

an animals love is unconditional....you have an emotional attachment to her....so of course you want the best for her and don't want her to suffer. Just like your hospice patients. I had to put down my 13 years old kitty harriet in my signature photo. she had oral cancer and stopped eating because she could not smell any longer. I cried and cried over her. This is normal grief.
I am sorry that you are already grieving, you just want her to not be sick anymore...you love her.
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Keep working with her to get some nutrition down her.

I was going to ask if you had considered getting another kitten or cat.

I would see if she would adapt to the other one. But I hope you can
at least take some time and go volunteer at your local humane society.

My son used to volunteer before he was hired. And at times they have
200+ cats and kittens. And they are always looking for volunteers for
the cats, its really a big deal when new people come for specifically
the cats, to come and spend time petting and playing with.

So please consider going and volunteering even if its just one day a week
for a little bit of time. Then when you have gotten to know a cat or kitten
maybe you will know which one you want.

Donna

PS. Its not giving up on the one you have. Its taking in another. It might
also help the present one. If its lonely.

Dear KnittenKitten,

Your cat is family.

not everyone feels that way about their "pets" - those that do not, also do not feel the angst and grief you are feeling. but these people also miss out on the sweetness in the relationship you have with your cat. you have nothing to envy of them.

our cats were family members to us also. we had one cat in particular that was with us her entire life. losing her to cancer was heartwrenching.

as you point out, your hospice patients and those you assist are not family or close friends, even if you come to know them after a time. furthermore, you come into their situations as a care-giver, and their condition is one of the terms from the get-go. that is a whole other kettle of fish.

~ ~ ~ ~

as for the pills, well i think you are a highly sensitive person. that is a package deal. good things and bad things both affect us in a stronger way, than those who are less sensitive. we are able to have more empathy. this aspect is a gift. what you are going through now is, if you will, the burdenful aspect.

when we face the burdens of our sensitivity, as you are now, it is ok to use tools to help. tools range from meditation to medication. you are not less of a person for using these tools. everyone uses tools to help them. and not just highly sensitive people. less sensitive people have different problems, and accordingly use different tools. they are not "better" than you.

~ ~ ~ ~

i think it is fine to imagine getting another cat. you can even consider those thoughts a tool to help you feel better. a sort of guided meditation. if this cat should not make it, you would be "available" to adopt another cat, who might not otherwise have a family. accept the comfort from that thought. it's ok. you are not hurting your cat with these thoughts, nor loving her any less.

you will never replace this cat. and i really hope they figure out what is wrong and that she recovers. do you think it is possible she is depressed? animals do undergo emotional stress, and can have dysthymic episodes. depression could explain the loss of appetite. it is also something that can be helped!

many healing vibes to your dear cat, and gentle (((hugs))) to you, KnittenKitten.

~ waves ~

You all are so wonderful. Thank you for getting back to me so soon.

Bizi, you are right. I do not want to see her sick and going downhill. Our other cat just fell over and died one night. It was hard to lose her but at least she was well until she went. I hate to see my little girl suffer.

Dmom, I do not think now is the right time to get another cat. Our current cat is so territorial she would be upset. Our animal shelter has so many cats it will not take any more so I know adopting a new one will not be a problem. We plan to get 2.

Waves, I don't think she is depressed because the whole thing started with her vomiting. I originally thought she had a blockage but the x-rays didn't show anything. Then I thought she was constipated but the enema did not help her appetite. I really think her GI tract is just slowed down and is stopping. That sometimes happens with humans too, especially if they have diabetes or other circulatory problems. I'm sure if we took the time and money someone would be able to find out what is wrong with her. The problem is we live in a very rural area and there are not alot of "experts" to see. The other thing is even though I mourn her and love her, she is still a cat. We have already spent too much money on her vet bills and cannot afford any more. I think part of my problem is that I am really feeling my lack of friends along with the loss of my second best friend (my H is my first). I know I will get over this. I just need some help right now.

I dread the day we decide to end it all. I don't think I can be there when they give the injection but it is not fair to my H or cat to abandon them at that time. I am tired of being everyone elses shoulder to cry on and crutch to support them through the hard times. I want someone to take care of me this tiime. There isn't anyone. There never is.

Dear Kitten,

You've got a friend (song by Carole King)

Keep on hanging out here with us!

There are times when everyone needs to be listened too, heard, comforted. This is a good place to to find these things.

~ waves ~

I am so sorry for your sick fur baby. We lost several, fur grand babies and two of mine here. It hurt to watch them slowly passing until they went to sleep. The hardest were saying goodbye with intervention. I didn't do well at all. I am pretty sure it was easier on the kitty, but what heartache and crying.
Wish I were there to be your shoulder. I felt guilty when dil was the one comforting me when I was so use to being the shoulder.

One of my Dd's cat's I inherited from her is destroying my carpets, I feel so helpless, but would not want to part with him. Crazy how emotionally attached to the furry pets we become.

Thinking of you and hope you can find comfort in knowing your loved here and caring supportive friends are shoulders.
Di

wishing you had someone in real like to cry with you, be your shoulder.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Don't feel stupid for crying of your cat, she is after all family, like my GSD I'm sure she is there by your side any time you are sad or just need love and probably chases you around the house just to say I'm here. I know it's been a couple days since this thread was posted so I'm going to look for more, my heart aches for you and wish the best on this rough journey.

I'm sorry your cat is ill. When I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep it was beyond difficult. She was like a child to me. Do not feel guilty about thinking about another cat. Animals are true companions.