This is a continuation of my post from yesterday.

We are giving my cat an appetite stimulant. We dissolve it in a little milk and use a syringe to squirt it back in her mouth. She is not happy with this treatment. I hold her, controlling her feet while my H gives her the med. Last night I lost control of her front paws and he got a gouge out of his wrist from her claws. I also lost control of her back foot and I have a 6 inch scratch on my wrist. Neither one of us was badly hurt but I cried and cried. Finally I took a xanax my pdoc gave me 5 years ago for some other situation. It helped.

I feel so weak having to relying on meds to keep me calm. I know plenty of other people who handle life's crises without pills. Why can't I?

I also do not understand why I am so emotional over a cat. I work in long term care (I am not a nurse) and am intimately involved in the day to day care of our patients. I have numerous people who are adult failure to thrive, which is what I believe my cat is, and I treat them calmly and compassionately. I also have the hospice patients who I work very hard to keep comfortable and serene until the end. They do not bother me either. I guess it is because I am not emotionally involved with the patients like I am with my cat.

I am just heartbroken. Once I start crying I find it very hard to stop. I just want to hold her and hold her and never let her go. What would I be like if I had children. God knew what he was doing when he had His hand in our deciding to remain childless.

I found one way of dealing with the sadness. If I think about going and adopting another cat and getting to know and love it I feel better. I also feel guilty. Here I am trying to save my cat and at the same time I have her dead and buried and I am replacing her. What is wrong with me?

Thank you all for your earlier responses. Usually people ignore my posts so I was reluctant to post this time. I visit this forum often and knew this group would be great.