I just found this out at 10 PM. A old friend of my best friend said on Facebook to call him as soon as possible. I knew that he was depressed,and in pain from old Football injuries,but I had no idea that he lost all hope.

I knew his mother,and dad. He knew mine. We where friends in elementary school,and up to this day. We where life long friends.

I'm shocked. My dad died Sunday night. My rib cage feels heavy. I feel horrible. I had no idea that my friend was this sad.

He moved to a different State. I was about 2,000 miles away. I wish that I could have helped him. If I was closer to his home,maybe I could have helped him. BF

Oh no BF I am so sorry to hear of your losses!!!!!!

I'm at a loss for words.

You and yours are in my prayers.

Abbie

I am so sorry to hear your sad news steve.
Please don't take this personally.
You have a lot of grief on your shoulders.
For this I am sorry.
(((((HUGS)))))
be gentle to yourself.
You are a good and loving man.
bizi

Isaiah 41:10

Dear Steve,

May God give you peace.



Talk and cry and do whatever you need right now.
Please reach out to people.

Also let the Nurse Practitioner and other mental health practitioners know. Make phone calls Thursday.

Lots and Lots of Hugs,
Mari

Steve I am in total shock, on top of everything else, more heart ache. But, please don't burden your self that there was any way to prevent his actions. We feel it could have made a difference in their life but realistically there would be nothing one can say or do for their friend other then drive them to an inpatient place if requesting a ride.

I had such guilt because a forum friend would call me daily and the conversation was often how low he was and what method or how he was planning to harm himself.

All I could do is contact our mutual Heath care provider, his wife and over and over tell him he had two boys and wife hat would be devestated if he choose to leave.

He stopped discussing but still kept planning. In the end he purchased two highly lethal chemicals that when mixed to gather robbed of oxygen. After picking them up he had a fatal accident when over come by he fumes.

I know he never would have put others in harm. I think he wanted a choice, but fate interveined. We all thought that he stopped discussing with us his plans that life with pain was stronger then his s on's losing him. Really messed up, but we lost him.

A shock, I still miss him so bad. He sat with me at De's funeral, it meant so much to me he was there. More then anything because my own siblings were not there.

I felt terrible when I lost him that my training, life experience, strength would have made him see how fleeting and precious life is. I should have taken every single call no matter how much I grief I was in, I was his friend. But, it was never in my hands. The pain robbed him of all judgement.

Mark had terrible pain, became easily dependent on narcotics seeking them. Life became too hard to face and the action he took seemed his only escape. I still wish I could have helped, that I could read his emails, hear the phone ring and see his no. on the ID.
Your friend is in God's hands now, I will pray for his family and friends that will question and wish things were not so.

The two things being depressed and in horrible pain are a struggle for the strongest people.
It seems I have terrible anxiety over the permanence of death, I can't imagine leaving a moment sooner then I have too.

Sorry if I rattle on, just thinking of my friend and still have no way to grasp what happened.
We love you Steve, I am sending my prayers to hold you in God's love and grace to get brought this period of trials.
Turn to how strong your sister is fighting and coming home for you. She has improved so much, I am happy for your family to have her growing in her baby steps to be here with you all for the love.

Di

I feel a spectrum of thoughts,and feelings. When I talked to my friends friend,and he said that my friend had committed suicide,I felt my rib cage muscles tighten up,and became heavy.

This is some sort of triple whammy. I don't know what to do,think,or say about this. It sounds like I'm full of lies,but it's all the truth. I was thinking that no one will believe this. My sister is going to go to a nursing home for a period of time for rehabilitation. My Dad died Sunday night,and I found out late last night that my life long best friend killed himself.

I don't know what to say. I don't want to be silent,because that's not healthy. I've already talked to my councilor about my dad's death. I think that I'm handling that in a healthy way. He lived a long life.

My friend was in his fifties. He was a giant of a man who was 6'6", who lifted weights,became a black belt in karate,and had a scholarship in college Football. He had pain issues with his knees,and was on pain killers. He holds a Shot Put record. He became a Policeman for many years. Had a wife,and a daughter,and friends that cared about him. BF

Steve that is the feeling of a broken heart, the rib cage can't contain the sweeping of emotional or physical heart break. One thing I would be wary about and am negligent myself, is we are in our 50's and keep an eye or attune to our body that it is grief, or warning of heart issue.

I keep putting off getting stress testing, but I think these emotional happenings in our life can be like shoveling snow he stress it puts on our hearts.
Crying relieves and tires me out, tea, and a cat on my lap during the saddest of times.
Take care of your self, if you get jaw or arm pain, have it addressed.

The night I lost De I signed myself out AMA although they felt I had a mild heart attack.
That feeling is a powerful bottled upped explosive strain to our body. You describe it as I never could.

Remember your friend as the big man of gentle heart serving so many. He created a legacy, picture his smile, his form and discipline when shot putting, that is the person he is I your heart.

Dear Steve,

We believe you.

You do not have to figure out what to do or think or say. You got hit with such sadness that is not possible to process. Do not try to do that.
Just be. Feel the feelings.
Eventually, the feelings will let you know how to think about them. For now, just be.

I hope you are safe.
Keep posting if it helps you.

Mari

Dear Steve

I'm so sorry! It is truly a living nightmare!

DiMarie and Bizi said things very well I'm not sure what I could add.

You are a sweet, gentle, kind person, as was your friend. I am sending you all my love at this horrifically difficult time, and I will offer prayers for your friend also.

lots of hugs to you too

~ waves ~

Oh Steve, I am so sorry to hear of this on top of all you're going through now. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your best friend's family members. Please take extra special care of yourself right now. We're here for you.