Here I go again. I start the day off good, with all the things I need to get done, halfway through the day, I totally poop out, usually with a headache and need to lay down.

I talked to my P-doc and it's stress, and I need to do more than be a care giver for my mom, and a maid, chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, laundry lady, food shopper, etc..............................Now I have to go to therapy at a college nearby where the students working on there masters have to get so many hours in, yet are overlooked by real therapists for 10 visits.

Then there is this woman at the place I go where my p-doc is, that can give me some idea's on working part time, but it has to be something I like she said, and not stressful, or even volunteer. Or she will help me get into a program/certification for something to do with animals and help me get the financial aide or whatever.

The bottom line is I need to get out of the house everyday, away from it all for my mental health.

I am burning out she said. It's been at least 4 years or so that I have been a care giver.

I also miss Dirk, but he call's a few times a day, which always makes me laugh and we have good conversations. He will be back by the 4th of July.

My p-doc also said that IF I want to go away for a weekend (which she said I need badly) I should GO. Just make arrangements for my mom and dogs, I can get a bird feeders for my cockatiels.

Although my mom will give me a problem, she won't want anyone taking care of her but me. So I get the GUILT trips, then I feel badly.

When Dirk gets back we planned to just go overnight at a place nearby, a real nice nice hotel, go relax in the pool/jacuzzi, have a quiet dinner ALONE, champagne, they have music there so we can dance, watch the fireworks if there are any nearby, etc.

I think I am going to do that, the dogs will be fine overnight and the birds, and I will have my cell phone if my mom needs me , actually the hotel is only down the street.

I really need just one night, well really a weekend would be nice. I need to regenerate or decompress, whatever the word is.

Anyway, needed to vent, - whine.....pass the cheese please.....LOL

Thanks for listening or reading I mean.

I do get to the pool on the weekend afternoons, which is nice, yet my mom sometimes asks to go with me. It's in the high 90's hitting the 100 this weekend and I know she can't take that. Plus it's my only quiet time with friends.

Ok.....going on here, but you get the point.

I guess just live in the moment as I say for now.

Hugs, Nikko