Waves,

Excellent!!

O.K. this is good.

I understand the feeling. Get past it if you can.
Yes. Absolutely. :icon_mrgreen: http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/s...omputer005.gif

I am impressed with what you are achieving.

Yes, I noticed the Turing quote. He is helpful to have in your corner.

I hope that your day goes well.

M

Thanks, Mari.

Not sure it was clear the way I put it, but the "picking the architecture" is not something I have just done. I was just reaffirming the non-randomness of my direction.

Thank you so much for pointing out about the educated guesses. It really did feel random, until you made me think about the fact that, no, it isn't. It isn't at all. It is strategic. :)

It is very hard to feel I have achieved something. It is hard to feel good about where I am, so I am instead asking myself not to rely on having good feelings about where I am. I can at best look forward to finding a place with better feelings.

That approach helped me a little at work, when I had bad depression and needed to get stuff done in spite of it. The lack of good feelings was inherent to the depression. Everything I did/chose/needed to do seemed ominous, bad, scary, wrong... and a plethora of other discouraging adjectives.

It is also hard to put forth anywhere near a constant effort. My mood has gone south. It is not bad, but the extra charge is gone.

waves

I am sorry that extra charge is gone.
rats
bizi

I just read about your foot problems both waves and mari. I am so sorry about that for it will effect your every step(your whole body) until they are resolved.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Nahh, not laughing. :hug:

I appreciate the input. I do massage and stretching. My current situation is aggravated by sesamoiditis, so I have to be extra careful.

Do you find that the ice helps? I can see where it might if there is inflammation/swelling. I have found that warmth helps, so intuitively, I would stay away from cold.

I try to wear soft slippers, because bare floor too hard on the sesamoids, but also partly to keep the medicated bandages in place. I am bad at using slippers because I like being barefoot. :o

I would not have thought going barefoot would impact fascitis one way or another. There must be a reason for it. I don't suppose they told you the reason?

What medication are you getting from Nevada? I use diclofenac medicated bandages on the sesamoids. In the past I used ketoprofen. I think one NSAID equals another. I don't medicate the fascitis because it is only noticeable in the morning. I wonder if it might speed things up if I medicate it, thhough.

waves

Waves,

Absolutely the ice helps. It feels too cold initially. Afterwards I feel great.
If heat works for you, do that.


Do what works for you and take care of your needs.



15 years ago they made a huge deal out of it. I confirmed with this guy. No barefoot. Shoes keep the arches up or something.



I have know idea what it is. It is an inflammatory thing. It is a gel perhaps that I will have to apply to the bottoms of my feet.


Apparently, it is part of the treatment process -- will speed it up.
He has me on a 6 wk plan. I will be fine in 6 wks he says.



Sesamoiditis --- I am not 100 percent sure what that is. "Will look it up later. Cleaning lady is here.


Medication --- yes. Advil or something -- it is about reducing the inflammation. Also it prolly feels better,


I went through this 15 or more years ago. Back then they said heat and then ice. Now when I asked about heat the massage person (i have no idea of her role because that office is nuts) about heat she said no.
She was focused on the gel packs. And I had no idea what she was talking about. Her explanation confused me and I started crying. Here are homemade gel packs.
http://myfrugaladventures.com/2013/0...ade-ice-packs/


20/25 mins I think three times a day. (Gel keeps you from being too obsessive and sticking too long with the ice. I was instructed to buy an ace-bandage to tie them to my feet and put them up for those 20 mins or so. But I like just putting the packs on the floor and putting my feet on top of them. THe wrapping with the bandages was a hassle.


Instead of that, a two bottles of water frozen work (minus some water so the bottle does not expand of course) . I used to do that and the new chic mentioned them. THE frozen water bottles have benefit because they are round and help shape the foot/feet

I did not like the first pair of gel packs I bought so I bought another pair that has cloth on the outside. The frozen plastic against the feet was too harsh.


http://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org..._Heel_Pain.xml


I hope this helps.
You see the plan the guy gave me.
You wil modify of course.

There is a possibility I had a youtbue link.
If I find it I will put it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kStuJAu0a20
I forgot about the baseball/tennis ball.
I will have to use the water bottle.



M

Thanks for all the info, Mari. :)

I use gelpacks for migraine. ;) I will consider those for the forefoot if the sesamoiditis gets nasty. I like your water bottle idea for arches -- you can wrap it in a towel to dampen the cold-shock. I always wrap my gelpacks, even just a thin cloth if I want a lot of cold.

The explanation about going barefoot involving arch support confirms what I had read. Corollary of course is that footwear without arch support is little better, if at all. I am aware of the arch thing, but I am kind of a die-hard barefoot-goer, with a serving of flip-flops on the side. ;):cool:

========================

I've had fascitis before on this foot. I think last time was trauma related, but I do have high arches and my sneakers fell apart a couple months ago so have probably had less time with arch support than I might usually. Guess I need to replace those. Or glue them. Or something!

I have had extensive problems with sesamoiditis (inflammation at ball of feet) before as well, and extensive therapy for it. I may require another round. Whatever is needed, the sesamoiditis will probably need to heal, before can completely deal with the PF.

========================

I am glad the ice makes you feel better.

How strange that they had to order a gel from Nevada! LOL! Sounds like it is an NSAID, but I gues he wanted a specific one. I used an NSAID gel and a spray on foam at different times, for my feet (sesamoiditis). I found it messy and the smell bothered me (pungent). I am strongly partial to medicated NSAID bandages for this reason. However, the gels and foams are effective. If there is no applicator, I suggest you use disposable gloves to apply it.

Are you getting professional massages?

You are doing good work keeping up with ice and massage and stretching. It's ok if you don't do the ice as often. Once the NSAID gets in you won't need to. I hope you feel much better soon.

waves

I was told by a foot doctor years ago now to not ever go barefoot again.
I believe it was because of twisting and things with my feet.

I don't have a problem with that, I hate being barefoot. The only problem
is always having on shoes, I sometimes misplace them.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

Hi Donna. :)

Do what works and be safe. :hug:

I have a lot of dexterity in my feet. I pick things up with them, and stuff like that. There's a good bit of monkey in me. :D

http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons...animal-051.gif

Waves,

I wikipedia-ed Sesamoiditis and found a picture that explains the bones:
http://sesamoiditis.net

Feet are so important and so complicated. Wow.

Do you bandage that toe and put medication on the bandages?

Does it help to stay off your feet? I imagine the it does.

When I get the medication form Nevada, I will send you the name.
My doctor talks a lot but does not convey information.
(Or else I have been to depressed to take it in.)



M

Hi, Waves,

I was taught to push through no matter the feeling (both parents were into this).
I believe I was taught wrong. BUT I am able to practice this pushing through stuff when I need to call on it. (It is rather confusing.)
Sometimes I sense that I cannot trust my self and instead move foreword anyway.

Excellent. You are building on that. I get it.

Completely logical.
I admit to being a little lost here and the part right after:

What will be worthwhile?

And yes, the sliding into other avenues is unlikely
This means you have a plan (of sorts at least) and are clear on the plan.
Also on how to implement the plan. (? yes ? )
O.K. YOu are prepared to change your mind if it is pukey.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-bounce015.gif

Yes. Three times a week or more. That is doable.
Each time you take a step forward, reflect on that and how worth it was and how you feel about it.
Then take the next step.
Believe it is worth while -- even if you only believe 75%. 75% is way more than nil.

Mari
============

The pain is focused right at the ball of the foot. It extends a little down towards the arch, but is mostly at the ball. I use a 2"x 1" NSAID-medicated bandage just on the ball of my foot shifted slightly down. It helps to stay off feet. The medication works well also, but it will not do squat if the inflammation gets bad, with swelling etc. The "prescription" for that is complete rest.

I had a very bad experience with that. In 2005, I had gotten hired as an Engllish teacher (EFL) at a very prominent institute here. I was having the foot problems but could get about with medication, caution, etc. The weekend preceding the orientation week, both my feet blew up into big red balls. It also snowed bunches so ice everywhere on Monday. The orientation was in an adjacent city. I called and cancelled, because I could not hack the travel, with or without ice, and did not see how I could hack 8 hours in a classroom right then. (I could not even keep regular shoes on without pain.)

I basically blew the entire job in so doing. And boy, did that Scottish lady ever get mad! She had already assigned me classes, so I really screwed her over. :( I still feel very bad about it. I wish I had and feel like I should have figured out a way. But I still don't know what way I could have figured.

------------------

The fascitis, which affects mostly the inside half of my arch overlaps with the sesamoiditis pain on that side. Also, when I do stretches for the fascitis, I have to hold back or the sesamoid area screams. I do the same stretches on the other foot with no fascitis but worse sesamoiditis: oddly, its sesamoid does not complain. I don't think the causes are related but it does seem that each might make the other worse.
:confused:

Ok, yes, then I will investigate it with you. Hehe. :cool:
My doctor talks a lot but does not convey information.
[/quote]He shoulda been a lawyer. Or a politician! :D
I hope it lifts soon and you feel better. :(:hug::hug::hug::Heart:

waves

Waves,
how did you reinjure your sesamoids, from the stepper?
bizi

I didn't reinjure them... they act up sometimes but haven't had this much in years.

Usually it's excessive weight bearing that makes tthem complain -- not aware of anything I did.

So you don't know why they have acted up?
that is odd.
sorry that they are acting up.
bizi

Thanks Bizi

They acted up worse than usual is all. I've been hauling big/heavy stuff around, and doing other things.

I have gained about 4 lbs over the past 6 weeks or so. :(

I'm a little afraid it could be the gabapentin which would suck. THe timing would be right.

Up until a couple of months ago, I was definitely continuing to lose weight and I don't think I've changed my eating much.

I want to keep the gabapentin on board because it really keeps the number of migraines down, and I tolerate it very well now that I am not on Depakote any more.

But I will reevaluate if I see more pounds. I had lost 27 lbs. I don't want to have to start all over again. :(

waves

wow waves you had lost 27 pounds!!!!
That is fabulous!!!!!
congratulations ...how did you do it. over what time frame? what diet did you use or just portion control? curious minds what to lose weight too!
bizi

Right or wrong, it is a useful skill to be taught. I can see where it needs to be mitigated though, or could hurt. I am glad you can summon it up as needed. That sounds right/useful.

I was taught that when the going got tough, the mother got going. :o

Sometimes, like right now, I can assess my feelings not to be in line with reality. Maybe it is a similar thing.

Just saying that my choice of C# is based on personal like/dislike, not marketability. If I'm going to invest, might as well invest in something I like more rather than less. That said, C# is also a fairly up-and-coming with a growing market.

Oh just what I am doing... any of it. :)
Yes. Mainly to learn by doing, i.e. writing code. I have what seems to be a solid tutorial I am working from and there are plenty of online developer resources. I am also looking up the acronyms I run across and reading up to get the theory behind some new methodologies. (This is where the good resume buzz-words come from. :))

I may be better at self-teaching than I thought, but I am still a dreadful student. I didn't do anything today and very little the past few days. I cannot get motivated. I maybe sound motivated but I am resisting like crazy. It doesn't help I've been tired and just sort of off-feeling.
:):):):hug:

I will try to do that stopping and reflecting thing.

I like that 75% clause, LOL. Makes it more doable.

waves

Bizi

No diet, no predefined portion control. Just not eating when not hungry, which includes stopping eating when I stop being hungry.

That is over the period of about a year, but I lost maybe 20 lbs in 6 months, then it slowed down and stuttered a little. I had another spell in Feb where I put on maybe only 3 lbs, but it's more now and it makes me nervous... because I wanted to lose more, not gain it back!

Actually come to think this recent gain may all have been in the past 2-3 weeks ... and I think I've been dabbling in pleasure eating a bit more than exceptionally... guess I'm paying the piper, but gosh I hope it's this and not the gabapentin.

Hi, Waves,

Thanks for talking about your feet.
I can see them.
My acupuncturist said that feet problems can be fixed by our emotions.
Apparently the feet stuff is a fear of moving forward.
I have felt stuck (or worse, felt that I am working to keep myself from moving forward. I have felt this for two decades at least but it is not about work I am sure. Not sure what it is because I am not willing to investigate it.

Oh. That is so awful.

I wonder why you point out her Scottishness. Her accent was rough? What is about the Scotts? :) One stereotype here (not true I believe) is that they are cheap.

Eww. Two ways pain on the same foot.

Also, when I do stretches for the fascitis, I have to hold back or the sesamoid area screams. I do the same stretches on the other foot with no fascitis but worse sesamoiditis: oddly, its sesamoid does not complain. Yes. Each foot has has stuff going on Do you have shoes that work for you?
M

Waves,
Yes it is similar to feel something and do something different and then wonder how right it is.

That works out (and something you have thought about.
Yes to investing in something that you like.http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons...object-099.gif

O.k. You have the clear goal of learning by doing and you have to the right tool/ tutorial.
These two things are most of the enchilada right there.
You are done. You've got it.http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons...object-062.gif


This is firmer/clearer than it was the other day. I think I just didn't get it then or it was not a good day for me to pay attention.

I like that you are better than you thought.
The good thing about being 'a dreadful student' as you say is that this
can be changed. Being a good student is something one learns.
It is not innate. http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons...nsport-001.gif
ONe develops skills to get to the next place.

YOu probably remember the old trick about forcing yourself to do 15 mins a day. At the end of fifteen minutes you can stop. Or you can choose to continue for another 15 mins.

I understand that.
I feel depressed and more than off/ maybe almost close to "upset" about non-specific as well as specific things.
:hug::hug::hug::hug:


http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-happy020.gif
This clause is essential to the whole enchilada that I mentioned up post.

M

Interesting. :) I have that. I have chronic, severe problems with "resistance". In fact the whole thread about being unable to do life is kind of about that. I'm not sure how to fix it. I am trying to fight it or maybe find soft spots in the emotional barrier where I can push through it. Not sure if that will work but it is the only thing I've found that gets even partial results.

I hear you. Psychoanalytic theory and its therapeutic derivaatives claim that we must investigate the cause, because based on the cause, we find the fix. However, psychoanalysis takes years and does not guarantee results within one's lifetime, so screw that. Cognitive behavioral theory claims that we can find a fix even without "investigating". The focus is on identifying maladaptive patterns, developing skills and cultivating healthier habits. I'm not very good at it, because I am resistant to change.

I nearly edited it out, LOL, but left it. I've had several picturesque "experiences" with angry Scots, and she added to them. My (wonderful!) highschool chem teacher was Scottish and had a fiery temper on him. I still get instant replays of my equally fiery Scottish choirmaster in college, bellowing, "Aaaahhnd DOOOOON't pewt MELK en yewr coooffeh! Ettl COOOOOOT yewr VOICE!"

I do find the accent kind of "angular" which makes it feel particularly jarring when screamed. I'm sure it isn't angular to a Scot, lol, but that's how foreign accents work: only those foreign to them notice them. The other thing is that Scots are often very fair and when a fair person gets that agitated, they turn red or purple. (Chem teacher and choirmaster both were/did; the teaching coordinator was also very fair.)

So, although I did not have her in front of me, I imagined this woman turning a healthy shate of beet while screaming at me down the phone in a then-disturbingly angular-sounding English.

She felt very powerful to me right then, and I certainly felt very small.

Yes and no. I need to replace my sneakers.... which are not really sneakers, they are high performance trekking shoes with phenomenal arch support. Alas, they are coming undone. I have a very hard time fitting shoes because of the arch.. haven't found a replacement so far. I tried a bunch of Salomon trekking shoes but they seem to have changed their workmanship since I got my current ones.

In theory, I understand and agree. In practice, I fear that a half century of being a dreadful student is not going to come undone over the course of a month. It could take years, and only if I worked at it aggressively.

On the subject of developing skills, I just got the DBT workbook. Now, I do unfortunately I have the "dreadful student" problem with that too, but I suspect that if I manage to get through parts of it, however slowly, it could help with some of the deeper problems that cause my dreadful student-ness.

I will just have to do what I can do this summer. I think for now, being a dreadful student is just a fact. Another fact is that I am trying to study. Better than nothing. (If I must put a positive spin on things... that would have to be it.)

Yes, and no. Often I can't even get myself to go near whatever it is, let alone stay on it for 1 or 5 or 15 minutes. If I do get it open, staying on it is a problem. I'd like to say it is a simple distraction problem, but I don't believe it is. I believe it has much more to do with my inner tension, resistance, and latent fears. That is where I hope the DBT book will help.

I really appreciate your insights. Even if I sound like a Mary who is quite contrary, bouncing these ideas back and forth helps me stay with the program. I might have abandoned ship completely otherwise, by now.

waves

good luck with your studies today waves.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Things that contribute (or have contributed) heavily to my being a "dreadful student":

-- all or nothing thinking.
-- excessive reaction to teacher disposition
-- stubbornness about own requirements, way of doing things
-- laziness
-- heavy reliance on feelings as a driving force
-- uptightness/fear about resource utilization/erosion
-- curiosity (promotes distraction)

Things that contribute to making me a good student:

-- ability to assimilate well ("fit" new information into existing knowledge)
-- good memory (this was more true in the past)
-- willingness to tap available resources for help
-- ability to follow instructions... I know, sounds pathetic
-- ability to break down a complex task
-- ability to determine reliability of information (mostly specific to web)
-- curiosity (promotes problem solving)

Wow. I know I am a good student in some ways, but making the second list was hard. :( All but the first two points sound fluffy, contrived. :Noooo:

:confused:

Mari, would you list some characteristics of a good student for me? (Maybe I can find pieces of me in your list ... :o)

waves

Thank you Bizi ... I will take a rain check, ok? :hug::rain:

I am taking the day off today. No studies.

I am having too much of a hard time, and need not to have any pressure today.

waves

good student
 

Waves,
I have to come back to this later tonight after the sun goings down,.
I have to take care of some errands.


This is what I have at the moment. You or I can refine them later.

-- the willingness and ability to learn ( attitude)

-- the skills (earlier preparation ) to do the task.

-- perceptiveness (understands what is happening / going on)

-- asks / develops questions

--motivated ( want to learn)

-- solves problems (you have that in spades)

--recognizes that learning is not always "fun"

--understands that learning is frightening but beneficial (??)

-- can apply information or thinking learned in one place and use in another

-- can analyze / compare/differentiate/ discriminate/ question/ test

-- can evaluate / judge/ defend / support

-- can create a new product or point of view / construct / develop / write

I did look here and there on the web. These are the ones that were true and most applicable today for our purposes of discussion.

Perhaps the last 4 are the most important for general students. And as far as I know they apply to you as well.
There are other variations of the last four for sure.
I am not sure about the one I underlined/ put in blue. You can comment or not on that.

(I did not try to rank them for you).

Pick your own best four.

Mari

what are you studying? and good for you!

Thanks Mark! :)

C#/.Net, Service Oriented Architecture, i.e. new(er) technologies in software development... I'm a software developer, but have been mostly unemployed for the past decade. This industry changes way fast... need to update to be worth anything. The last job I had in 2010 was kind of a marginal thing. if I am going back I want to go back to the real deal.

Right now studying is on pause. I had a security breach that might have been caused by a virus infection. I've seen other weird behaviors, so I am trying to work out if my computer is ok, or if I need to overhaul it.

This has me kind of in a tizzy, or in multiple tizzies... I poke at things for a bit, then have to take deep breaths and go do something profoundly mindless and mellowing for a while.

waves

Yes! :trampoline:

That was a good list, Mari. I too am going to come back to it, as I want to/need to relax for tonight. I am way stressed out from trying to figure out the email/facebook/virus thing. Sigh. I have already done way more than I care to, in this department:
The parents have gone to bed. It is beautifully quiet in here, and I am about to make it dark, and just hang out until I am sleepy. :)

waves

I hope you are sleeping waves.
or at least resting.
bizi:Zzzz:

Not sleeping but kind of resting.

I'm reading fiction online. Those who can't do, write, and those who can't write, read. LOL.

waves

I feel hopeless.

I will never get back off the ground in anything.

I've been wanting to write... and the whole need to get up to speed in software is feeling much harder and, as it has countless times before, less "me".

But "me" things have a habit of turning less "me"-ish, as soon as I get ankle deep in them.

I have no constancy in anything.

And no stepper for like the past 3-4 days I don't even know.

I'm harrowed by the computer/security issues I've been having to deal with, and I am even managing to half ignore those... lazy.

waves

Waves,

I strongly feel that I have one main job each day.
That is still be alive the next day.
Sometime I add a second part to that main job. The second part is that I hope to live with some degree of grace. The definition of grace keeps morphing.
Everything else is gravy :) :) :)

Anyway, drop the whatever feels like too much.
Do what you can to soothe yourself and to stay on a good path.

I understand this kind of.
Is it that you feel like it has to be settled and yet you have so much?
It makes my happy that you took a "break" (?) to half ignore them.
Ignore whatever else is in the way of having good days.


M

(((((HUGS))))))
you were on a bit of a high for a while ...could this be you coming down contributing to these negative feelings?
I don't know.
bizi:hug:

Yes, actually, that could very well be it.

waves

Under which of these categories, would you place employment/income?
-- survival?
-- grace?
-- gravy?

I guess I personally would consider a lot of different things under survival. Work needs to be in that box, imho. Somehow, although I believe that, I seem to act like it's gravy... or something.

Drop things, ignore things, sleep extra, overeat, play mindnumbing games.
Resist as hard as I can my inclination to drop things.
Resist the temptation to sleep, overeat and play games.
Absolutely had to be settled... someone used my email acct to sign up for face book. I had to report it.... after figuring out how and what to report.

Still an open question which also has to be resolved is whether someone did or did not get into my email, but especially... if they did... HOW, because I was using a strong password... not easy to guess/hack. So I've been half-heartedly llooking for malware (2 AV scanners say I am clean -- although that is good, it leaves me with no answers about the email.)

I had to ignore for a while... I started getting overinvolved. I have to find a balance of doing the necessary without going overkill and undermining other necessities.

I hate hate hate that ****. And why now when, if anything ttechnical, I should be doing stuff that helps me get out of my stupid unemployed rut. Not that having my email compromised would be better, if I, say, had to go to work every day for 9-10 hours, eat/wash/prep another 2, commute for another 3, and sleep for at least 5.

I've got it good, right? Have all the time in the world to troubleshoot security problems.

waves

Oh rats waves, you did not need this crap!:(
bizi

Thanks Bizi. :hug: