Hi all,

I didn't know where else to turn. My neighbor, Doug, with cancer came home from the hospital Sunday(yesterday). I avoided him yesterday and today our paths did not cross either. A neighbor who has been coming over since last night who is real freindly with Doug mentioned him and I asked how he was doing. She said not so good at all. Why do I feel like I should do something when he told me he's not interested and his nurse said he doesn't even want to be harrassed by me. Although I think she just made it sound worse than what Doug actually said. Give me strenght to leave him alone. I am just such a care giver to those I like that it bothers me I can't do anything for him.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

Oh, do I know that feeling

Barbara, if you could do anything for Doug, what would you do?? Forget about the nurse. What would you do?? What are your instincts telling you to do??

Barb

Hi Barb,

My instincts are telling me to talk to the neighbor who has been coming over the past 2 nights since Doug's been out of the hospital. She is real friendly with Doug and I've been scared to talk to her about how I feel. It does seem kind of strange to me that she hasn't asked about Doug and me since I use to go over to his place a lot. I'm scared of talking to her though even though my instincts are telling me to. I would not even know what to say to her.

befuddled2

I wish I knew what to tell you Barbara, he's in a bad way fighting cancer, you could ask about him to this female neighbor, I would do whatever will make you feel better. If you want to then talk to her, I am with Barb, forget about the nurse, I think she was overstating things.

Whatever you do we're here to support you.

Thank you Pam. I think though that I will just forget Doug. I truely think it's in my best interest. And to be honest, at the moment after reflecting on things I am somewhat ticked at Doug. In the middle of April he tells me to come back when I took off when his company got there. When I went back he said they were gonna watch his Uncle play baseball and wouldn't be long. He told me just this month that him and I should go play bingo and he Wanted to do the driving. Sounding like to me he was thinking more in line than just neighbors. After all he's really in no shape to drive. Maybe I just cannot read people after all but I really think I got some mixed signals. He offered to give me his phone number, I Did Not ask for it. He kept inviting me inside his house. He called me up the last night I saw him and He invited me over. Maybe his conscious got to him and he decided to come clean knowing he gave me mixed signals but he made it to look like it was me and not him. I am angry about this whole situation and feel like telling him a thing or two but then again that would not be very mature I suppose.

befuddled2

Hi barbera I have had times in my life when similar things have happened to me. I think the best thing for you to do is pray. Not only in regards to his health but also in asking for your higher power to be beside you right now as you are having a hard time with the situation. There are reasons for everything...we just sometimes have to wait a while to see and understand why life has dealt us certain cards. I beleive that God only gives us what we can handle in a day...You are almost through this day!! and do not worry...you seem like a very loving and caring person, Barbera. Mr. Right could be right around the corner. In the meantime, love yourself like all of us love you! You obviously matter to alot to all of us at Neurotalk!!Have a great evening !!!!

Thank you Dorrie. I did just pray and already am feeling better. Now I'm going to try to go to sleep.

befuddled2

Dear BF,
I am sorry that you are going through this.
I hope that tomorrow is a better day.
Mari

Barb, I think it would be best to just let it be. You are being driven into a tizzy about this and its not healthy. I know you like him and all but he's being a dork. You can only blame the cancer and chemo so much. I think he's being a typical guy and he doesn't know what he wants.
When you see this neighbor, politely ask about him as any other neighbor would. I know it hurts to have your chain jerked around by a guy, had it done many times myself, but you will survive. I know it hurts and you want to take care of him but take care of you first.
Sorry to be blunt but I think you need to cut bait at this point for your own sake.

Good Morning Barbara: I thought of you this morning. I hope your day is filled with lovely things and that you have a day for you!! Sometimes what I do when my mind is filled with everything, I deliberately SLOW DOWN! Not just physically, mentally as well! Everything I do in the day I attempt to do slowly,even talking. I try to do things mindfully and somehow if I stick with it I get a sense on serenity...like everything is going to be alright! God already has a super day planned for us...lots of good things will happen each day. When we slow down we notice those things easier! I know that you are hurting...remember that it is ok to hurt..you are human! I hand over all my issues to God..he helps me carry my load!! We are all children of god, he loves us and he knows that you are hurting right now. Talk it thru with him as if you are telling a friend...he will hear you and even though what you are going thru is difficult...it will strenghten you. Maybe you need to focus your love on yourself for today. Do special things for you Barbara, you deserve it and you are sooo worth it! I will be thinking about you and praying that you enjoy this day. I am calling today BARBARA DAY!!!!!! Have a happy Barbara Day, Barbara!!!!