[Nikko]

I need to vent. Friday night Dirk planned on playing cards, so I didn't expect him to call me after we talked a few times that day. He usually call's me a few times a day.

Saturday late morning my time, early afternoon his time, he called me and said he got done playing cards around 11:30 his time, which would be 8:30pm my time and didn't call, which is real unusal. Said me met some woman that also played cards, that he hadn't seen in 30 yrs. So, I didn't say anything about that. Said she had her son and they talked a lot. Which was nice.

He said he was going fishing Saturday, and would call me later while I was at the pool. Well today is Sunday and still haven't heard from him, nor have I called him. Yet it is 7:30 am my time, 10:30 am his time, he knows I am up early everyday with my dogs.

Maybe it is my BP II rearing it's ugly head, or it is my TRUST issues with men.

But, why would someone go from calling you a few times a day, then not call at all?????? I know the campground he is at, they do a lot of partying on the weekends, and have lots of activities going on. He has his daughter and her girlfriend this weekend too. But they are 14 and do there own thing, because they have so much for kids to do there.

I'll tell you one thing, I am NOT calling him, nor answering any messages his leaves me, that's if he does. He is supposed to come back to AZ for good, a week from Tuesday is when he is supposed to leave Michigan.

Call it woman's intuition or whatever, but I don't have a good feeling about this.

All in all, I had a nice time at the pool yesterday. Supposed to go again today, so I might as well.

I am feeling real depressed about this, I don't want to be hurt again.
I don't know what to do, so I will do nothing about it. I give up with the dating situation and all that goes along with it.

Life goes on. I saw his brother and sister in law at the pool yesterday, and they were asking a few ??? and I just kept everything vague, cause I didn't know what to say. Dirk is supposed to come back to help them move too, they are moving in July, well they have to be out by the end of July when there lease is up.
They found a nice house with a large yard for their dog.

Which is less expensive than the rental homes here in our complex.

Anyway, just needed to vent, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. I really don;t need this right now, the timing isn't good at all. I have those bad thoughts going through my head. How much can one person take.

Thanks, for listening. Hugs, Nikko

[Pamster]

I am sorry things are not looking rosy Nikko, I wish that DIrk would have called you like he said he would, but I would bet he's just busy and caught up with seeing old friends and being with his kids. Don't get too upset about things just yet, give him a chance to call and make things up to you. If he genuinely wants a relationship then he will make an effort to call and talk to you, so hang in there, in the meantime I would distance my heart from him ever so slightly just in case things don't work out. I understand you're needing to vent, that's what we're here for Nikko, hang in there!

[Nikko]

Thanks.......I really don't want to be right there at the phone at home, or at the pool with my cell, ready to answer. I am afraid I may say something I shouldn't. My BP can get in the way badly, especially if I feel a certain way, whether I am wrong or not. To top that off, I am out of my anti-depressant - Cymbalta, it's at the drugstore. I really don't even care about it right now. It's only been a day or so.

I think I just need to let him know I am not that available. I just feel so down about this, it seemed to take a 180 just like that.

I will distance my heart from him too. Maybe it all happened to fast, at least we had not been intimate before he left. So, I feel good about that.

It's 9am here, noon time where he is, so I guess I will just go about my day, and talk to one of my girlfriends at the pool about it too and try and have a good day.

Even my mom is kind of shocked, because she knew how much he called, and how he said please wait for me to come back and all that crap men give you. Of course I ate it right up. I should know better with my DV counseling, I should have seen a red flag as they say.

I am a first class sucker and idiot. I hate myself right now. I am so stupid!

Hugs, Nikko

[Nikko]

Oh friggin great, here come the tears. Damn I thought I had my emotions under control.

I can't take anymore hurt. I am stressed enough with caring for my mom and all.

Oh, I should just shut up, I sound stupid.

Nikko

[bizi]

Oh nikko, you don't sound stupid at all and please don't be mean to yourself...You would not even think to call someone else stupid but look at what you are doing to yourself.
Having been thru what you have been thru (I can only try to imagine this)
has taken it's toll on you.
Look how many years of abuse and controlling behaviors that you have had in your past.
It is easy falling for someone with the hopes that he fills our void that we are feeling.
....calling several times a day is too much in my book, like he is checking up on you.
Slow as she goes as they say.
I don't know....
I am sorry that you are hurting and tears can be very cleansing, you are allowed to be emotional...perfectly acceptable and neccesary for healing yourself.
Old habits are hard to break...
Perhaps after some time you could discuss rationally what you are feeling ...with him if that is what you want to do.
Getting into a relationship is easy when it is new..however that newness wears off and you have to decide if you want to have to work in the relationship.
You deserve to be treated well.
(((hugs))) bizi

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Nikko

Oh friggin great, here come the tears. Damn I thought I had my emotions under control.

I can't take anymore hurt. I am stressed enough with caring for my mom and all.

Oh, I should just shut up, I sound stupid.

Nikko

Oh, Nikko
You are far from stupid. You know that but I wanted to put it out there anyway.
It's ok to cry.
He'll be back in your town and you can talk to him. I think that he will be happy to see you and I hope that this turns out to be nothing.

M.

[Dmom3005]

Nikko

I am wondering if maybe his cell phone just ran out of juice like maybe he forgot to put it on the charger. Or he got busy and didn't get you called.

I would hope that he gets you called soon.

Donna

[Jomar]

your post title caught my eye.

how long have you known/dated him?
how long has he been away?
how long have each of you been out of a serious relationship?
no rebounds!

If you write a list of his good points and bad points - would you have enough information to say if this man is worth waiting around for?
{or tearing yourself up over?}- is he a keeper or a possible keeper??

Unless he is a very big phone talker all the time- calling 3 times a day??, long distance or even local, is unusual - some couples do call each other that often- but most engaged couples don't even call that often unless actually planning the wedding.
and usually the guy could care less about the "planning" part.

[befuddled2]

Nikko,

I did the same thing with my neighbor Doug that I feel has happened with you and Dirk. I went too fast and and fell too hard. I also think him callling you often in one day sounds strange. I know that I have the tendency to fall for the wrong man it seems every dang darn time.

befuddled2